Sunday, July 29, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.01 -- "We Don't Need Another Hero"

Case: A soldier who was just recognized as being a hero is killed right after the ceremony; Other soldiers from her platoon start getting killed too;
RizzIsles: Three months after the siege at headquarters, Jane is recovering from shooting herself and isn’t officially back on the job yet; Maura tries to help Jane see that the pain she’s still having is in her head; Maura has apparently been dating Jane’s trauma surgeon.

Maura: (knocks on Jane’s door, Jane answers) You look terrible.
Jane: Thank you.
Maura: You’re making everyone late.
Jane: Even you would look bad if a bullet had gone through you.
Maura: Laceration to your peritoneum could explain your jaundice color.
Jane: (mouthful of cereal) You may not casually discuss my privates.

Maura: Three months.  You could have read all of Shakespeare.  Learned Finnish.  Instead you’ve become a platinum member of the shopping channel.
Jane: I swear to God if you start cleaning I WILL kick you out.
Maura: Is that why you banned your mother?
Jane: Is that what she said?  Did she mention that all of her OCD banging and clanking around isn’t restful?  What Finnish?  Like Finland, Finnish?!
Maura: The stress hormone cortisol suppresses your immune cell’s ability to activate telomerase.
Jane: So you say.  Mine are fine.
Maura: Quite simply keeping your brain busy aids recovery.  Mind.  Body.
Jane: Mind. Business.
Maura: You are my business.

Maura: Wait, what?  (concerned)  You still have pain?
Jane: No I just like saying ow.
Maura: (dragging Jane to get ready)  Could be from intermittent obstruction due to adhesions.  When was your last bowel movement?
Jane: (stopping to stare)  You just can’t help yourself, can you?
Maura: I think you’re avoiding.

Maura: (stopping in her tracks, pointing)  What is THAT?!
Jane: (smirking at self-defense dummy)  It’s a get well present from Korsak and Frost.  (goes back to couch)
Maura: That is restful?!  Where is your uniform?!  (storms back to Jane’s bedroom)  OH!  (outraged)  It is DISGUSTING in here!
(Jane smiles on couch)

(Maura returns to living room with Jane’s uniform)
Maura: Put this on.
Jane: Makes me look like a man.
Maura: We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
Jane: I’m not a hero, Maura.  Shooting yourself is not heroic.
Maura: The people of Boston think it is. 
Jane: Eight people died.  I don’t want a medal for that.
Maura: Five of them were bad guys, Jane.  This ceremony isn’t for you.  This is, this is for, your fellow officers, and your parents and your community.  You’re a symbol.  You are a heroic, flesh and blood reminder of the thin blue line.
Jane: (smiling warmly)  That’s good.  You almost had me.
Maura: K.  The hard way.

(Jane gets called up to accept her medal)
Maura: (whispering as Jane stands up)  Say something uplifting.

(Accepting her medal)
Jane: (shaky) I didn’t prepare anything, just cause, I don’t think of myself as a hero.  (Maura motions “uplifting” from her seat)  Uh, most of you, you know my, my little brother Frankie.  Frankie, stand up, help me out.  (Frankie stands, applause)  Um, Frankie is alive because of Dr. Maura Isles.  She normally works on dead people (crowd laughs).  He’s alive because of her, not because of me.  I, uh, I was just doing my job.  I, we, we all do this job because it’s, uh, it’s what we’ve been trained to do.  Ya know, we’ve been trained not to think of ourselves, but to act.  Because, ya know, (getting choked up) life is unfair and bad things happen, and ya know, I think that we’re here, we’re all here, to remind everybody that, uh, sometimes the good guys still win.  Thank you very much.

Guy: Jane.
Jane: (stops walking, turns around) Casey!  Hi.  How are you?  What are you doing here?
Casey: You don’t come to the high school Reunions.  I wanted to see how you turned out.
Jane: You came from Afghanistan to see how I turned out?
Casey: Everyone on leave got an invite.  Thought it’d be fun to see you.  You look great.
Jane: Lieutenant.  Delta Force.  Impressive.  I want to talk to you, just give me a sec, okay?

Angela: Oh Jane, I’m so proud of you. 
Jane: (hugging)  Thank you.  Where’s Daddy?  (Angela starts crying)  What happened, Ma?  (Frankie helps Jane get Angela to a chair)  Ma?  (Angela motions for a pen; Jane, to Maura)  Uh, I need a pen!
Maura: What’s wrong?
Jane: I need a pen!  She gets very emotional, then she can’t talk so we have her write it down.  (Angela writes)  Okay, okay, here, Ma.  (Standing by Angela’s chair, hugging her to her)
Maura: (reading napkin Angela wrote on)  Divorced.
(Camera crew comes over)
News Guy: Detective Rizzoli, can you give us a quick interview.  How does it feel to be a hero?
Jane: Fantastic.  Can you give me a sec?  She gets very emotional when she’s proud.  (kneeling in front of Angela)  Ma, it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay.  Here, let Frankie take you home.  (grabs note from Maura)  WHAT?!  (reading)  We are getting divorced. 
Maura: That’s terrible.  (grabbing Jane’s tie)  This should come out.  (licks her finger, tries to clean tie)

Casey:  Let me get you guys a drink.
Other Hero: Nothing for me thanks.
Jane: Doctor says water or prune juice.
Casey: Sexy.  (walks away)
Jane: (to Abby) We dated in high school.

Jane: (sees Maura walking with some guy) UGH.  Sluckie.  Can this night get any worse?!
Casey: Thanks.
Jane: Except for you.  This is my Trauma Surgeon.  Luckily I was under when we hung out together.  Watch this, everything is the royal “we”.  Watch.
Surgeon: So how are we feeling Jane?
Jane: We are feeling fine, but WE can’t speak for everyone.  (drags Maura away)  All the single guys in Boston, you gotta date Yukie Sluckie.
Maura: Don’t refer to Byron that way.
Jane: It’s unethical Maura.
Maura: Why?  He was your doctor not mine.  (points at Casey)  He is very sexy.  He has an odd accent though.
Jane: Yea he moved here from England when he was a kid.  I nearly lost my virginity to him.
Maura: Byron is much better when he’s not talking, Jane.  I think you would really like him.
Jane: Oh I like him… WHEN I’M ANESTHETIZED.  Your turtle has a better bedside manner.
Maura: (offended, sweetly) Tortoise.  And I don’t disagree with you.  Which is why it was a wonderful surprise to find out that he was very tender when he wasn’t by the bed, but (sultry glance) IN the bed.
Jane: EW!  It’s like thinking about my parents having sex.  (pause)  My parents are getting a divorce.
Maura: I know.  I’m so sorry.
Jane: This is just too much crap.  I need to learn how to compartmentalize.  How do men do it?
Maura: Simply separate everything into isolated compartments.
Jane: (dryly)  Thank you.  That’s very helpful.  Please, go have tender sex with Byron and I’m going home.
Maura: Ya know, you do need to boost your immune system and sex is very good for that. 
Jane: Thank you doctor.  (looks around in disbelief)
Maura: (exhales, distracted) Mm.

Casey: So how come we never finished what we started?
Jane: Because you didn’t give me the time of day until Senior Week.
Casey: (laughs)  I was a jerk. 
Jane: No you were just too cool for me.  And, smart.
Casey:  Truth?  You were too scary for me. 
Jane: Gee thanks.
Casey: I looked cool, but I was like 12 in boy years.  You were a force even then.  Smart, beautiful, didn’t care what anyone thought of you. 
Jane: Inside I was a geek.

(Car with Private Abby Sherman blows up; Casey drags Jane across the street, away)
Maura: (running through chaos) Jane!  Jane, are you okay?!  (to Casey)  I got this.  (takes Jane’s arm, leads her to sidewalk)
Cavanaugh: Rizzoli, I need you out of here.  You’re not cleared for duty.  Dr. Isles we’re gonna need you.  Frankie!  Get her home!  We don’t need any more casualties.
Jane: I wanna help!  (Frankie takes her from Maura’s arms and walks her off-site)

Frankie: Just promise me you’ll stay put.  (Jane nods)  It’s gonna be okay.
(Jane is dressed and walking into BPD Headquarters)
Officer at Security Gate: Wow.  Detective Rizzoli!
Jane: You’re new.  (shakes his hand)
Officer: Yea, I’m um--
Jane: (reading badge) Officer Reynolds.
Officer: Yea.  Pleasure to meet you, really.  Jane smiles and starts to walk forward)  Uh, I can’t let you in without a badge.  Sorry.
Jane: (lifting shirt to show bullet wound)  Okay, look there’s my badge.  We got a tough case.
Officer: Uh, no, I can’t.  Uh, security’s been really tight since--
Jane: Since me.
Maura: (walking into headquarters with Trauma Surgeon)  What are you doing here?
Jane: I’m trying to figure out who killed Abby Sherman.
Surgeon: We haven’t cleared you yet.
Maura: Are you sure you’re ready for this, Jane?
Jane: I’m sure that I’m done sitting on my ASS.  (grabs a pen and paper)  Here.  Clear me for active duty.
Surgeon: Call Darlene in my office.  Make an appointment.  (kisses Maura’s cheek)  See ya later.
Jane: Oh yea, real tender.  I don’t know how I never noticed.  Get me in there!
Maura: Jane.  Go home.  Get better.
Jane: Maura.  You heard me.  This is who I am.  This is what I do.  Now get me in there.
Maura: Ughh… okay, fine.  But I’m only doing this because I’m afraid that you’re gonna hurt yourself.  (to officer)  It’s okay Sam.  Detective Rizzoli is with me.
Jane: (gets handed a visitor sitcker)  Really?!
Maura: Downstairs only!  I will poke you in your scar tissue if you even touch the up arrow.
(Steps onto elevator, Jane rips off visitor sticker and holds it out for Maura; Maura rolls her eyes and shakes her head)

(Jane twirling her hair)
Maura: (teasing tone) That’s a sign of sexual frustration.
Jane: Or tangled hair.

Jane: It looks different in here.
Maura: That is correct Rip van Winkle.  Wait til you see my office.  The decorator just finished.
Jane: (dramatic teenage girl voice) Oh, my God, I’m so excited!  I might need a paper bag!
Maura: Ya know, it’s possible it’s taking you longer to heal because of your attitude.
Jane: A .40 caliber bullet went thru me, Maura.  My attitude isn’t faking that.
Maura: You’re not faking anything.  (walks toward Jane)  You had a life threatening injury.  But you’re strong, healthy.  Something’s gotten in the way of your healing.  (examines Jane’s injury) 
Jane: OW!  Will you please stop doing that!
Maura: Just wish I knew what was causing that pain.
Jane: Again, I’m going with a .40 caliber bullet.

Maura: Are you sure you want to be here?  She was very badly burned.
Jane: Yea.  She survives two tours in Afghanistan and gets blown up at home.  (twirls hair, notices what she’s doing, stops)  (Maura gets prepped to open body bag, keeps looking over to check on Jane)  No, I can’t.  I can’t, I can’t.  (walks out)

Jane: (hunched over by desk in Maura’s office, holding her injury)  What the hell is wrong with me?!  I’ve been through worse than this.  Abby deserves better---
Maura: (walks in behind her, rubs her back, speaks softly)  Jane take a deep breath.
Jane: No I can’t, it hurts.  (starts to stand upright and walk to a chair)  What if I’m never who I was?
Maura: That’s the human condition. 
Jane: Thanks.  That’s really upbeat.  (sits down in strange orange chair)  Ow!  This hurts too!  How uncomfortable is THIS?!
Maura: How can you say that!  That’s a Kareem Rasheed label.
Jane: Oh, well in that case (awkwardly sits back) it’s like the warm caress of a mother’s hand.
Maura: Your parasympathetic nerve is in overdrive.  It’s a protective mechanism.
Jane: What because I don’t like your office?  Did taxpayers pay for this?!  (knocking on the plastic of the orange chair)
Maura: Of course not.  (Jane keeps switching positions trying to figure out how to sit in the chair)  Ya know, you might still be in physical pain because of a post-traumatic psycho-pathological reaction to what’s happened to you.
Jane: Make it stop.  (lays head back onto chair)  What do you do when fear is killing you?
Maura: Well it’s hard to die from fear unless you have a congenital heart condition.  (“Really?!” look from Jane)  What can I do?
Jane: Get me upstairs.

Jane: Sorry about the mess.
Casey: I don’t mind.  I’ve been living in a tent.  Aren’t you supposed to be drinking prune juice?
Jane: Not after this.  (clinks beers)

Casey: Wanna know something crazy?
Jane: (flirty) Yea lay it on me!
Casey: I was thinking except for the girly part, Abby was like you.
Jane: I’m honored.  …except for the girly part.  I can be girl.  (Casey raises an eyebrow) 
Casey: No.  I always liked your toughness.  You’re a softshell crab, Rizzoli.
Jane: A not girly, crab.  Wow.  You (giggling) really need to work on your pickup lines.
Casey: Hard on the outside, soft on the inside.  No? 
Jane: (shaking her head) No.
Casey: That’s why you’re such an incredible cop.  (getting softer)  Cause you care so damn much.
Jane: Maybe too much.
Casey: You can’t care too much.  (moves in for the kiss)

Angela: (storming into Jane’s bedroom, picking up laundry, ranting to herself)  Thirty years I’ve been picking up that man’s socks!  Cooking without spices because it gave him indigestion!  (Stops in her tracks; Casey is getting out of Jane’s bed to leave)
Casey: Hey Mrs. Rizzoli.
Angela: Hello Charles.
(Casey gets up, walks out, turns to give Jane a surprised look, leaves)
Jane: C’MON MA!!!  For just once in my life can you please KNOCK?!
(Angela throws armful of laundry at Jane)

(Angela in kitchen, Jane comes out)
Angela: Too sick to wash the dishes but not too sick to have intercourse?
Jane: Intercourse, Ma?!  C’mon.  We didn’t sleep together.  Okay, yes, we slept—why am I having this conversation?!  I gave you a key for emergencies only.
Angela: Yea it was an emergency.  The health department was gonna come condemn the place!  I made you breakfast.
Jane: Thank you.

Jane: You can stay here.  As long as you’d like.  You can have my bedroom.
Angela: I’m not gonna impose.
Jane: You wouldn’t be imposing.
Angela: That’s very nice of you.  Thank you.  But, uh, Dr. Isles offered me her Guest House.
Jane: What?
Angela: (offended)  I’m a good guest!
(Jane at Maura’s house)
Jane: Are you a masochist?!  You bought this house for your mother to visit, not mine!
Maura: Increased blood flow.  Rush of endorphins.  You feel less pain today, don’t you?
Jane: What are you talking about?
Maura: (teasing tone) You had sex.
Jane: We did not have sex.  We almost, had— It’s really none of your business.  But feel free to chat about it with my mother at your slumber parties.
Maura: I never really got much sleep at slumber parties.
Jane: (whining)  Why?!  Why are you doing this?
Maura: Because she’s your family.
Jane: I feel guilty.
Maura: Catholic guilt.  Did you know that the University of Parma study found that devout Catholics are more likely to show signs of OCD?  Martin Luther’s strict definitions of the sacraments is too constraining.
Jane: I hated Confession.
Maura: Did you have a lot to confess to?
Jane: I made stuff up because if you confess to sins you’re not sorry for, that’s a sin.
Maura: Isn’t making up sins a sin?
(Trauma Surgeon walks into the kitchen)
Surgeon: How are we this morning?
Jane: (annoyed) I called Darlene in your office.  She said you were “too busy” to squeeze me in.
Surgeon: Yea well we are rather busy.
Jane: (irritated, to Maura)  And so are you.  I’ll be waiting outside.  I’d like to discuss your pathology findings.

Maura: (to Surgeon)  I’m worried about her.  She still has pain.  Shouldn’t she be healed?
Surgeon: Patients heal at different rates.
Maura: But you don’t know her.  (laughs)  She had a dislocated shoulder and she still tackled a 200 pound suspect, to the ground.  (smiles proudly)
Surgeon: Are we questioning my opinion? 
Maura: Well there could be another component.  The mind is powerful.  She had a trauma--
Surgeon: No.  You’re merely a pathologist and she had expert care from a renowned trauma surgeon.
Maura: Are you talking about yourself in the 3rd person?
Surgeon: Are we angry?
Maura: We are!  (grabs OJ glass from his hands)  Thank you for reminding me why I don’t date surgeons.  (slams his briefcase into him)

Jane: Maura, what can you tell us about her gunshot wound?
Maura: That would just be my opinion.  (uncomfortably shakes her head)
Jane: Pretend I’m a Priest and I can’t tell anyone.
Maura: I’m not Catholic.  (Jane takes a deep breath)  It is my opinion that she was facing her shooter when she was shot.  …from no more than 6 feet away, based on the scaring around the entrance wound.

(Casey leaves Autopsy Room angry)
Jane: Casey---
Maura: That was awkward.  (makes awkward face)
Jane: Ya think?!

Maura: What are you doing?
Jane: Calling the Private that was with her when she was shot.  They were high school sweethearts.  (on phone, Maura moves closer)  Hi, Private Campbell.  Yes, hi, this is Detective Rizzoli.  (Maura is moves *right next to* Jane, Jane shoots her a look)  Um, I have a few more questions for you.  I was wondering (Maura tilts her head next to the phone) today would be fantastic.  (Jane turns to move away)  Perfect.  (Maura smiles gives thumbs up)  Right now.  Alright, thanks. 
Maura: You’re not cleared for active duty.  I’m going with you.
Jane: You’re not a detective.
Maura: Well technically neither are you.  (RizzIsles walk out of Autopsy Room; Jane turns around, grabs case file from Maura)  I’d like that folder back.

Jane: I’m like a boxer with a glass jaw.  Have you ever seen me not able to step up?!
Maura: (shakes her head)  The most powerful force of nature is not a nuclear weapon.
Jane: (stops pacing) When I talk do you hear blah blah blah Maura blah blah blah blah?!
Maura: It’s thoughts.  That’s the most powerful force.  It’s thoughts.
Jane: Job used to take my mind off everything.  It’s, I’m not who I am anymore.
Maura: K, do me a favor.  Close your eyes.  Close ‘em.  (Jane closes eyes)  Take a deep breath.  (Jane flinches in pain; live feed of mission interrupts)

Jane: (reading handmade card)  You’re my hero.
Casey: (walking into Homicide Office) Mine too.  Now I know why we never got together.  You still scare me.  As much as this thing.  (holding up grenade)
Jane: I scare you?
Casey: Mm hm.  I gotta say goodbye.
Jane: Why?  Where you going?
Casey: My leave’s up.  I loved seeing you.  (leans in and kisses her)
Jane: (whispering) I loved seeing you.
Casey: At the next reunion, we’ll finish what we started.  (kisses her, gets up to leave)
(Jane sadly watches him leave, Maura walks in)
Maura: (picks up card, reads it) Hm.  Ya know heroes are actually social deviants.  The famous Zymbardo experiment at Yale proved that.
Jane: He’s going back to Afghanistan.
Maura: Oh.  I’m sorry.
Jane: (sighing) No, it’s good.  I was so scared Maura and I did it anyway.  (smiles)
Maura: (smiles) That’s the definition of a hero.
Jane: Who is a social deviant.
Maura: That’s not a bad thing. (shrugs)
Jane: Right, so I’m a not girly, crabby, social deviant.  That’s great.
Maura: Um, can I just.  Take a deep breath.  (presses Jane’s wound)  Any pain? (Jane excitedly shakes her head)  No! (excited)
Jane: I’m back!
Maura: You’re back!  (high 10)  Ya know, I was pretty sure it was psychosomatic.
Jane: It was so not psychosomatic.
Maura: No, no.  I think it was.
Jane: You think?  So you were guessing?
Maura: Um, no, no.  I can think.  I can consider.  I can conclude--
Jane: No, no, that’s guessing.  You guessed.
Maura: No, I did not.
Jane: (teasing tone)  Dr. Isles guessed.  Dr. Isles guessed.
Maura: I did not.  I did not.
Jane: Did too.

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