Saturday, September 29, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.05 -- "Don't Hate the Player"

Case: A specialty coach for an MLB team is found dead in the locker room; Maura declares it a suspicious death causing a conspiracy to unfold.
RizzIsles: Jane deals with her brother Tommy coming home and goes out with a baseball player; Maura is allowing Tommy to stay in the guest house with Angela

Maura: Chimpanzees do that.
Jane: Do what?
Maura: Grab their crotches.  (holds up a fist)  It’s a sign of aggression.

Maura: He is quite the male specimen.  (watching commercial of Manny Mega Vega)  I’d love to Mega him!
Jane: Hey, language.  My mother’s here.
Angela: You should hear us when you’re not around policing us.  He’s a hunk.
Jane: Hunk?  Okay, I’m officially throwing up in my mouth.
(RizzIsles and Angela laughing)

(Door opens, HOT guy walks in)
Jane: Oh my God, Tommy.  (smiling, standing up)
Angela: I forgot to tell you he was coming home.
Jane: You forgot to tell me?  (to Maura)  You forget too?  (Maura looks away)
Tommy: Jane!  (hugging Jane) Thanks for the letters.  They really kept me going.

Jane: (in response to Tommy’s comment to Maura)  Allllllll you’re doing for him?
Maura: He’s just visiting your mother.
Jane: Visiting means dropping by then leaving.  When’s he leaving?
Maura: Jane he’s gonna be in violation of his probation without a permanent address.
Jane: So the visit is permanent.
Maura: Temporarily.
Jane: The only thing Tommy does temporarily is stay out of trouble.
Maura: Jane I know you.  You’re conflicted.  You want to help him but you’re afraid that anything you do will be interpreted as a sign of approval.
Jane: (grabbing Maura’s arms) My little brother is a screw up, Maura.  A completely loveable, screw up, FELON.
Maura: The repeat rate is higher for non-violent offenders is higher than for violent.  46-39%.
Jane: So I’m thinking this isn’t a good idea.
Maura: I’m doing this for your mother…

Jane: Let’s go.  I’ve never been to Pilgrim’s Stadium and their locker room is closer than your couch.  C’mon.
Maura: I’ve always wanted to see them without their uniforms.
Jane: (smiling) Maura!

Tommy: (sweetly, hesitantly) Listen, I know you’re busy.  If you want I can take your dog to the vet.
Jane: (annoyed) No, your only job is to stay out of trouble, okay?  (walks away)

Baseball Player: Call me.  I wouldn’t mind being interrogated by you.
Jane: I’ve heard that one… like a million times.
Player: Call me and I’ll think of a new one.
Jane: (smiling) Alright.

Jane: What does your gut say?
Maura: I don’t listen to my intestines.

Maura: The murder weapon is a cylindrical hard object.
Jane: (watching crime lab check a baseball bat) Gee.  What could it be?  Think it’s a pipe?
Maura: Pipe is too thin.
Jane: What about a Majorette’s baton?
Maura: I’m glad you find my scientific approach amusing.
Jane: I think it’s a bat, Maura.  I think it’s Manny Vega’s bat.

Jane: Now how do we prove it was Manny who swung the fatal blow?
Maura: The way you always do.  Do that gumshoe thing.
Jane: That gumshoe thing.  No, um, this time, we’re actually up against every baseball fan from judges to the governor so it makes it a little difficult to do my gumshoe thing.
Maura: Society is very reluctant to hold celebrities accountable.  Remember Fatty Arbuckle?
Jane: Fatty Arbuckle?  No.
Maura: The silent film star who was tried--
Jane: No.  (holding hand out to Maura)  Stop.
(Maura rolls her eyes and stops talking)

Jane: I’m off.  To do my “gumshoe thing”.  (smiling)
Maura: I shouldn’t have used that term.
Jane: No, you should have.
Maura: Because it actually refers to galoshes which you aren’t wearing.  (laughing, very amused at herself; Jane rolls her eyes and leaves)  What?  (confused)  What did I say??

Cavanaugh: I didn’t tell you to stop, Rizzoli.  Now find a way to get to Vega.
Korsak: Nice!  Cavanaugh just took the gloves off.  C’mon!

Jane: Jesse Wade gave me his phone number.  Maybe it’s time to make a call.
Frost: (smirking) Yea a booty call.
Jane: Really?!

Jane: What is La Beaux Trup?
Maura: 5 star French Restaurant.  Brilliant new take on escargot.
Jane: (gesturing to her clothes) This okay?
Maura: Are you out of your mind?!
Jane: What?  I’m meeting Jesse Wade.  He wants to do the interview there.
Maura: At La Beaux Trup?
Jane: Yea.
Maura: Le booty call.
Jane: (trying not to laugh) What did you just say?
Maura: I know.  (removes her jacket, turns around, Jane looks on confused) Unzip me.
Jane: Wh—why?
Maura: Because you can’t go like that.  (gesturing to Jane’s outfit, horrified)  We’ll trade clothes.  C’mon.
Jane: (in pure disbelief) Are you crazy?!  That dress wouldn’t cover my… booty.  (Maura gives Jane a look; flash to Jane in Maura’s dress and her combat boots)  It smells like a deco.
Maura: Men are not attracted to the smell of death. 
Jane: Really?  (Maura sprays Jane with body spray)  Okay that’s enough.  (squirming like a child)
Maura: (disgusted glance at Jane’s feet) Oh.  Those boots are fashion homicide.  (Takes off her shoes to give to Jane)
Jane: No.  No.  No!  Those shoes are foot homicide.
Maura: Put them on.
Jane: (pouting) They’re too small.
Maura: Give them back.
Jane: You just said put them on.
Maura: (lifts a finger to Jane as she takes the shoes) Patience.  (Comes back with shoes and a scalpel)
Jane: (gasps) Maura!
Maura: Voila!  Peep toes!  (smiling)
Jane: (smiling) Thank you.  (puts shoes on)
Maura: You look sexy.
Jane: You look… like you’re wearing my clothes.
(Phone ringing)
Jane: (into cell) Hey Ma.  Tommy.  Why do you have Ma’s phone?  Okay.  Calm down!  Alright.  Where are you?  Okay, I’ll be right--.  (hangs up phone)  I’ve got 45 minutes.  Come with me.  I’m gonna need back up.
Maura: What?  Jane?!  What did Tommy do?!  Jane!  You have all the shoes!

(Tommy yelling at Vet)
Vet: I called the police.
Jane: I am the police.
Vet: Vice?
Jane: Homicide.

Vet: …and this man is refusing to pay the bill.
Jane: That’s fine.  I got it. I will pay the bill.  How much is it?
Vet: $300.
Jane: What?!  Did you bling her paws out?!
Tommy: Exactly!  Then he calls her a friggin head case.
Vet: No, no no.  I did not use that terminology.  I said she has been suffering from depression.
Maura: She has been withdrawn.  Restless, refusing to go outside and urinate.
Jane: (to Maura) Whose side are you on?  (to Vet)  She sleeps, eats, poops.  What’s there to be depressed about?
Vet: (points to Jo Friday licking paws)  It is an OCD reflex.  It is triggered by her emotional state.  She needs prozak.
Tommy: See?!  There it is… OCD, ADHD, alcoholic.  It was the same stuff they were throwing at me in the joint.
Vet: I’m not surprised you were confined to a cage.
(Tommy lunges at Vet; Jane breaks it up)
Jane: Hey!  Hey, hey hey!  Knock it off!  Take Jo Friday, walk it off.
Maura: (to Vet) I’m so sorry.  They really are very nice people.

(RizzIsles walking into Maura’s house)
Jane: (pulling off shoes)  These, suck!  And your dress is about as comfortable as a straight jacket!
Maura: (laughing)  And your suit is a really booty call magnet.  I got hit on twice... by women.
Jane: Really?

Jane: Tommy broke into some houses when he was in high school.  He never should have been staying here, Maura, I’m so sorry.  (emotional, hand to her chest)
Maura: It’s okay.  (grabs Jane’s arm in comfort)
Angela: (angry)  Oh for the life of me!  I don’t understand why your brother does what he does!
Jane: Okay, I’ll call Frankie and we’ll go look for him.  If he’s on the run it should be us that find him.  Okay?  Don’t worry.

Tommy: It’s Detective Rizzoli, Officer Rizzoli and Tommy the Screw Up.
Jane: That’s what you’ve chosen it’s not who you are.

Jane: Maura, you have that “I have a case solving hunch” look on your face.
Maura: My face doesn’t hunch.  It’s minor paritis. 
Jane: Excuse me?
Maura: An itch.

Maura: His kidneys are damaged.  Look at the crystallization.
Jane: Hm, yea.  From what?
Maura: I’d be guessing.
Jane: (eye closed, whispering to herself) God, it’s torture sometimes.  (to Maura)  Have you seen this before?
Maura: Yes.
Jane: Okay.  Good.  What did it turn out to be, before?
Maura: Ethylene glycol ingestion.
Jane: Antifreeze.  Someone was poisoning him.

Korsak: Oh, why aren’t you there?  Oh, I know… ew! I hate eyeball fluid.  Ew!  I can’t stand garbage.
Frost:  Why aren’t you there?  Oh I know… it might ruin that sport coat from 1989.  (amused glance from Maura)

Jane: Baseball players are really superstitious right?
Korsak: Mark MacGuire wore the same cup from his high school years until it was stolen from him late in his career.
Frost: Clemens put tiger balm on his bal— (clears throat)
Maura: His balls?? Don’t they inspect those before they’re allowed to pitch?  (giggles all around)
Frost: Different, balls, Dr. Isles.
Maura: Oh!  (Jane giggling still)

Maura: This is not CSI Boston, Jane.  Okay, it’s a very delicate process and it’s not always successful.
Jane: It’d be great if it were successful this time.  (exasperated look from Maura)
Maura: I can’t concentrate.  Did you apologize to Tommy?
Jane: No, not yet.  But I will.  Let’s catch the bad guys first.
Maura: Why don’t you go apologize to him and I’ll call you if I get any prints.
Jane: IF?!  N—the reason you have these gloves to work with is because I gumshoed. The least you can do is get me some prints.  (Maura stops, crosses her arms and leans against table)  Wha—what are you doing?  Why are you stopping?
Maura: Waiting for you to leave.
Jane: You are ridiculous.  C’mon.  (look from Maura)  Alright, fine, bye.  (Jane leaves)

Jane: Go home.
Tommy: I don’t have a home.
Jane: Yes you do.  Maura said you can stay as long as you need to.  Ma wants you there.  Maura wants you there. 
Tommy: You know what’s great about dogs?
Jane: Tell me.
Tommy: They’re in the same mood every day, and they think I’m a good guy.
Jane: They’re good judges of character, Tommy.
Tommy: They’d like a serial killer if he had lamb on him.
Jane: I’m sorry Tommy.  I’m really, really sorry.
Tommy: It’s okay.  I would’ve thought I did it too.  I gotta walk ‘em.  I’m on the job.
Jane: You’re a dog walker?  That’s great!
Tommy: Oh yea, mom and dad would be so proud.

Korsak:  You feed that dog chicken?
Angela: It’s organic.
Korsak: She lickin her paws?
Jane: Yea nonstop.  The Vet says she depressed.  (Korsak laughing)  What?  It’s not funny.  I paid 300 bucks and she’s still licking.
Korsak: Because a lot of little dogs like her are allergic to poultry.
(Jane gives Maura stern look, Maura flinches)
Jane: (mocking tone)  Well she has been withdrawn and restless.  Reluctant to go outside and urinate.
Maura: Excuse me!  I don’t treat mixed breeds or 4-legged creatures, or anything else that's--.
Jane: Alive?  Yea I know. (glare from Maura)
Angela: (in background) Would you two knock it off?!
Maura: Would you like me to reimburse you for misdiagnosing your dog?
Jane: Yes, that’d be great.
Angela: (in background) Stop it!
Maura: Would check be okay or would you feel safer with cash?
Jane: Cash, cash is good.

Gag Reel:

GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog it. My Tumblr page has original links (JaMauraRizzles on the RizzIsles blog)

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.04 -- "Brown Eyed Girl"

Case: The 13 year old daughter of Jane’s former DCU Partner is kidnapped; another young girl is found dead shortly after the kidnapping.
RizzIsles: Jane tries to keep her emotions and personal connection from interfering with the case;

Maura: (fussing with her outfit, stepping off elevator) The cleaning lady put this in the dryer.  It’s vicuna wool.  Who puts vicuna wool in a dryer?!  It’s tight.  Does it make me look fat?
Jane: Yes.  You look ginormous.  I can’t believe how fat you look.  What do you weigh?  115lbs?
Maura: 116.8. 
Jane: Wow, no wonder.
Maura: Really?  Because I’ve been craving carbohydrates lately.  Maybe it’s a hormonal imbalance.
Jane: Maybe you don’t have enough to do.
Maura: It is a little slow.
Jane: Let’s go the gym.
Maura: Yoga.
Jane: Boxing.
Maura: Zumba.
Jane: Beer.
Woman comes in yelling for Jane.

Jane: When we were undercover my life depended on Dan, and now his daughter’s life depends on me.

Maura: Jane, I’m doing- I’m doing everything I can here.
Jane: (sincerely) I know you are.

Maura: (talking softly to 17 year old victim on her table)  Help me find Mandy.  What am I not seeing that I need to see?  Sweet girl.  I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Nicole: You’ve been so kind.  You can go home.
Angela: I’m not going anywhere.  I’m part of a cop family too.

Maura: (to picture of 1st victim after huge break in case) Thank you Sophie.

Jane: Oh Mandy!  It’s okay baby.  Your Mommy and Daddy are going to be so happy to see you.  It’s okay.  We’re gonna get you home, alright?

Jane: (emotional) I am never getting married.  Or having children.
Maura: You think that’ll protect you?
Jane: No.

Jane: Well that was a long day!
Maura: (smiling) Because it started YESTERDAY.
Jane: Now can we get a beer?!

GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog. Original links on my Tumblr RizzIsles blog (JaMauraRizzles)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The JaM List

Best Friends Forever.  That’s a powerful phrase which has a world of significance and implication behind it.  Your best friend knows you better than you know yourself, always has your best interest at heart, and can get you to smile in any situation.  Whether it’s written down or ingrained in your heart, you and your best friend have a list of inside jokes and shared memories.  Genuine best friends find strength and energy in their friendship and in one another.  JaneandMaura are one of the truest examples of best friends that have ever been depicted in media.

They’ve faced some of life’s most energizing highs and most soul-searing lows as a team.  In fact, it’s that very friendship that made Rizzoli and Isles a ratings runner from day 1!  (More on that in another post though: The Reason for RizzIsles’ Reign.)  This post is a compilation of the moments that have truly defined JaM as best friends, as pseudo-sisters, and as an unstoppable team of spirit and heart.  This is their “list” of inside jokes and shared memories that they’ve so openly shared with us!

Some moments just melt your heart… these are the times when, despite the emotions threatening to suffocate you, strength rises to the surface because of your best friend’s presence and words.  That can be because they immediately jumped to your defense, or supported you in the exact way in which you needed.  Other times it comes in the form of a demonstration of their loyalty to you as they go along with something for your benefit.  Although some moments are recalled with sadness because of the hardship that created them, they are also remembered with gratitude and love for the person who supported you through it, or for the ability to have been that pillar of strength.

Jane: (To Maura as she answers the door in the middle of the night) Why do you always look like you’re about to do a photoshoot? 

(Jane hears a sound and sits up)
Maura: It’s okay.  (Reaches for Jane’s arm)  It’s just Bass.  Really.  It’s okay.
Jane: I’ve never been so scared in all my life.

Jane: What?
Maura: You’d want to know if you had Marfan Syndrome, right?
Jane: You did it again?
Maura: (squeaking) Yea huh.
(back to online shoe shopping)
Jane: Alright.  Look.  Come here.  Take a few cuts off of this.  It’ll make you feel better.
Maura: (excited) Okay.

(Maura arrives at Jane’s apartment in her pjs in the middle of the night)
Jane: Thank you.  It’s in there.

Jane: Rizzoli.
Maura: Jane.
Jane: Maura, I’m sorry.
Maura: No, it’s okay, listen.  I don’t have a lot of time.  Adam had a mistress.  Vanessa DeWald.
Jane: Wh--, why you doin this?
Maura: Because I have your back.

(Stubborn Coast Guard guy won’t get out of the way)
Jane: You want kids?!
Maura: I would move.

Maura: I brought you a present. (hands Jane invitation in an envelope)
Jane: Apology or a bribe?  (Reads invitation)  Maura this is tonight.
Maura: Yea, I wasn’t gonna go.  But you wanted access to my deluxe friends, Sumner and Jocelyn.  I want you to be my guest.
Jane: Won’t I embarrass you?
Maura: Probably.  But haven’t I embarrassed you?
Jane: No…. more than half a dozen times.
(Maura laughs and hits her arm)
Jane: Cocktail dress required?  Can’t I just go like this?
Maura: If you’re going to embarrass me, at least do it in the proper clothes.  C’mon.  I have most of my money tied up in charitable endowments, but not all.

(Maura leaves, clearly upset; Jane goes downstairs to check on her)
Jane: You ok?
Maura: (shakes her head)  Should’ve seen it.
Jane: You did.  There’s a reason you didn’t commit to him after college.  There is a reason that you’re holding back now.  It’s called gut instinct.
Maura: (getting choked up)  There were clues and I c--, I couldn’t put them together.
Jane: You did it.  You did it subconsciously.

Maura: Nice and supportive doesn’t mean weak.
Jane: Please.  Jorge is more submissive than my dog.  Maybe I should be a lesbian.
Maura: Well wishes can come true.  Frost and Korsack wanted to fill out your dating profile.  I typed.
Jane: You what?!
Maura: If it wasn’t for me, you’d be butch.
Jane: (sitting up, in disbelief)  You put my photo and profile on a gay dating website?
Maura: It’s your best shot at getting DNA and breaking this case.  (walking back with her laptop)
Jane: No it’s OUR best shot.  You’re going with me.
Maura: No.
Jane: Yes, Dr. Isles.  I don’t have time to train a female detective how to collect and preserve DNA.  You’re going.

(Maura the Cocktail Waitress approaches Jane as she enters the club)
Maura: (smiling)  Your table’s ready Miss.
Jane: Oh my God.  (starting to take her jacket off)  Put this on.
Maura: No!  I’m undercover.  Follow me.
(Jane groaning)

Maura: (noticing Jane’s attire, hurt little voice)  Where’s your matching outfit?  (Jane lifts tshirt to reveal matching PUKE shirt)  No no.  We’re running for a charity.  Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence.  (excited)  We’re a team!
Jane: Team PUKE?
Maura: Yes, that is an unfortunate acronym.
Frankie:  At least you’re not a hot dog.  Or a mustard.
Jane: Stay out of this.  Look I said that I would do this because we said that we would do something together, but I am not running like Lady PUKE Gaga.   No.
Maura: (getting a little emotional, upset, looking down)  Oh.  I’m sorry.  I should’ve realized.  Sorry.  (turns away)
Jane: (walking around to see her)  Holy crap!  If you’re gonna cry on me-
Maura: No, I’m trying not to.  It’s just that my amygdala and my lagbone gland have a connection that I can’t really control.
Jane: Honey, there is no way in hell that I’m taking this off.  I’m already running 26 miles with cameltoe.
Frankie: WHOA! (turning away)
Maura: Could you at least just take off that baggy T?  (stern look from Jane)  Oh C’mon.  I’ll let you walk up Heartbreak Hill.
Jane: Oh, I’m walking Heartbreak.  You’re gonna have to do better than that.
Maura: Okay.  Fine.  Name it.
Jane: Next reddish brown stain.  You call blood.  Before the labs come in.
Maura: (disbelief)  You want me to lie??
Jane: No I want you to state the obvious.
Maura: (sighing and uncomfortable)  Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine whether it is possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood.
Jane: I’ll take that as a yes.  (Pulls off tshirt)
Frankie:  20 bucks says you cramp out by mile 10.
Jane: You’re on! (pulling shorts off to reveal running spandex)  Double or nothing says I run it like this.
Maura: I have some running skins for you too.
Jane: Don’t push it.
Maura: Ya know, my feet are hurting.  So I think I’m gonna take mine off anyway.

(assessing a victim on the scene)
Maura: The darkening of the nasal jugafold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiency. 
Jane: (staring at the corpse, uninterested tone)  Really?
Maura: (looking up at Jane)  You.  You have dark circles under your eyes.  Are you not sleeping again?
Jane: Thank you.  You look nice too.
Maura: Having nightmares again?
Jane: Yea.  I dreamed I showed up to work in my underwear.
Maura: Anxiety.
Jane: Ya think?!
Maura: Yes I have this recurring dream that I have this bio chemistry final and I haven’t studied. 
Jane: (dryly)  Really.  Stop.  It’s terrifying.  (Maura smirking)  I can’t take anymore.

(Talking about getting patrol outside Jane’s apartment)
Maura: I’ll stay.
Jane: (amused)  What are you going to do?  Hit him over the head with your Burken bag?
Maura: Give me the that.
Jane: No, no.  It’s loaded.
Maura: I’ll stay up.
Jane: It’s loaded.  No.
Maura: Magazine capacity 15.  Trigger pull 2.5 kilograms.  Line of sight, 153mm. 
Jane: Have you ever shot one?
Maura: (hesitantly)  Um.  (huge forced grin)  No.
Jane: No.  No.  (laughing)
Maura: But I’m a fast learner.  (serious head tilt)
Jane: Okay.  (unloads and disarms gun, hands it to Maura)  It’s empty.  Point it.  Wrap your left hand like this (positioning Maura).  Okay.  Push and pull.  Loosen up, there ya go.
Maura: K.  Like that?
Jane: Yea.  (smiling)  You look good.
Maura: (laughing) Okay.
Jane: (loads and re-arms gun, hands it back to Maura) Okay.  It’s loaded.  I’m only doing this because I’m tired.  (Maura nods)  Point it that way.  Don’t shoot my neighbors because I’d hate to have to lock you up.
Maura: (smiling and nodding)  Jane.
Jane: Yea?
Maura: Do I look badass?
Jane: (amused)  Yea.  You look like a badass.
Maura: K.

Maura: (answering morgue phone)  This is Dr. Isles.  What??  That’s not possible.  I’m looking at it right now. 
Jane: What’s the matter?
Maura: (to Jane)  They’re saying that there’s a problem with the DNA sample of our John Doe.  (into the phone)  Yes I see it but it’s not possible.  I don’t cross-contaminate my samples. 
Jane: Maura, c’mon.  You’re not perfect.  Send another sample.
Maura: Okay, I’ll call you back.  (hangs up phone)  It’s not possible.  (goes to computer) 
Jane: Maura, everybody makes mistakes.  It’s okay.  Just send it again.
Maura: No, it’s not a mistake.  (pointing to screen)  This is the victim’s DNA profile.  This is my DNA profile.  See the autosomal markers?  They’re the same in both samples. 
Jane: Yea, well the lab keeps all of our genetic profiles just in case we contaminate a sample.  So, obviously, it’s been contaminated. 
Maura: (getting flustered)  No.  There’s enough markers in the comparison of the DNA to make a definitive conclusion. 
Jane: (confused but patient)  So what are we concluding?
Maura: (merges the samples on the screen)  Just look. 
Jane: (patiently)  They match.  And how did that happen?  Maura.  You must’ve done something screwy.

Maura: (sitting next to table, staring at body of her half brother)  We have the same nasal and zygomatic facial structure.  There are also similar patterns in our super orbital forumin and the angle of our jawline.  You see?
Jane: I do.  I see the resemblance. 
Maura: (sad, confused face)  I don’t know why I’m being so emotional about this now that I know we’re related.  I never knew him.  I never will.  (staring and sighing)
Jane: (walks around to Maura)  Maura, if this is too much for you— (rubs her arm). Here.  (hands her giant sketch book that belonged to her brother)  You should have this.
Maura: No, that’s evidence.  You have to put that back.
Jane: I’ll make copies.  …and I know where they are if I need them.  Keep it for now. 
Maura: (warmly)  Really?
Jane: Yea.  Here.  (sets book on empty table to look through)

Maura: He was toying with me from the start.  While he was staring at his murdered son.
Jane: C’mon.  He came to say a final goodbye to Colin and he knew that you wanted a DNA sample so he gave you some of his blood.  That’s a guy with balls!
Maura: You’re defending a stone cold killer.
Jane: No I’m--  yes I am.  Uhh… and, I’m, gonna, stop, now.  Look.  I think that whoever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out.  (watching Maura’s face)  If it makes you feel better, these were all bad guys.
Maura: He said Colin was too much like him.  What about me?  Look what I do for a living.  I’m around more death than he is. 
Jane: (grabbing Maura’s arm)  But you’re not the one doing the killing.  Maura, listen to me.  You are in danger. 
Maura: No I’m not.
Jane: As long as Patrick Doyle is out there, yes.  You are.
Maura: He’s not gonna kill me.
Jane: Whoever killed Colin will not hesitate to kill you if they figure out who you are.  We need some help.

(Maura’s cell rings)
Jane: It’s a blocked ID.  (answering the phone)  Whatever you want, I can get it.  Maura?!  Are you okay??  No, um, can you get to my apartment?  I’ll be right there. (hanging up)  She’s okay.  She’s okay.  (running out)

(In M.E. Office, staring at cell from Paddy)
Jane: I get it, Maura, I do.  But we’re talking about your survival.  Okay?  He said he wanted to send a message.  Those were his words?  (Maura nods) 
Maura: Yea.
Jane: That means even if we get Tommy O’Rourke, someone else will be gunning for you.  (Maura thinking)  Doyle is the only one who can stop them all.
Maura: I know the consequences if I don’t do this, Jane.  I do.  I’ve thought about it. 
Jane: (grabbing for the phone)  Well, I’ll do it then.
Maura: (grabs phone from Jane)  Why is it any different?  This is not who I am.  It’s not who you are. 
Jane: (thinking)  Give it to me and I’ll take it to the Crime Lab.  Maybe they can track something. 
Maura: (contemplative and stressed, hands phone over to Jane)

Maura: (offended)  Tortoise.  (Jane puts salt in coffee)  He likes salt, in his coffee?
Jane: (confused, looks down)  Damnit.
Maura: You know when, people lock their keys in their car, sprain their ankle, usually indicates something significant is bothering them.
Jane: Cop was murdered.
Maura: Yea, but that’s not why you’re salting your coffee.
Jane: (hesitates, catches her breath)  It’s my brother, Tommy. 
Maura: (nodding)  I always wondered about him.

Maura: Jane!
Jane: Yea?
Maura: If you want to talk about your brother, or just avoid the subject, I’m here.
Jane: I know.
(Sweet smiles J)

Jane: Maura.  Maura.
Maura: (sitting on floor, hand on Bass, whispering)  It’s Jane!  (running into Morgue) Jane!  I was hiding!  There are men shooting in here!

It’s been said that best friends hold up a mirror and show you your heart… that means they always see the true you and help you remember who you are when you seem to have lost your way.  Sometimes that comes in the form of an uncensored truth or a compliment.  We rely on these moments more than we may care to admit because they play such an integral role in getting our feet back on the ground.  Studies have actually been conducted to demonstrate how vital women are to each other’s sanity and ability to overcome stress.

Maura: Do you want to know what I’m thinking?
Jane: It’s so weird. I do.
Maura: I think I know why you’re making such a big deal out of the fact that Grant’s your new boss.
Jane: I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.


Jane: Why are you laughing??  Do I look stupid?
Maura: No!  Are you kidding?  Really, you don’t know??  You’re gorgeous, my friend.

Maura: You’re always complaining that the guys you date don’t understand or like your job, and he respects you.
Jane: Stop.
Maura: Really.  You think he’s this political animal but it’s just that it comes out of him when he’s around you (smirking) because he wants to impress you.  It’s mating behavior.  I think it’s sweet.
Jane: I think you’re insane.  I’m off to solve a murder.
Maura: Nightlight off or on?
Jane: On.  I can’t wait til we solve this one.

Maura: He’s always liked the finer things in life.
Jane: Yea, he liked you.

Maura: Mmm.  Flowers.  Flowers have been shown to reduce depression.  C’mon Jane!  Jorge’s a catch.
Korsack:  If you don’t want him can I have him?
Jane: Jorge?  Yea he’s all yours.  Maybe if I get fat he’ll stop calling.
Maura: Just think that if you allow him to see all sides of you, he’ll stop calling.  (Look from Jane)  Ya know, I just heard, what that sounded like and that is--.  What I meant to say, was that--, human beings have good and bad traits.  (Looks of disbelief from Jane and Frost)  Ya know, and you have, you know, some (scrunched face)characteristics that are a little, not as, uh, um—WOW!  Fudge clusters.
(Wide-eyed look from Jane; grabs chocolate from Maura and her overwhelmed face)
(Frost interrupts with case information)

Jane: I’m sorry.  I’m being a jerk.
(portion of tape plays with Hoyt telling Maura he’s like her; Jane notices her discomfort)
Jane: (to Dean)  Hey, will you go see if Frost and Korsak have got anything yet?
Dean: Sure.
Jane: You okay?  (Brief upset glance from Maura)  C’mon Maura.  Talk to me.  He’s a FREAK.  Okay, he gets to everybody.
Maura: (holding emotions at bay)  I did a lot of research into, into his background.  His childhood.  Maybe he’s not wrong.
Jane: What are you talking about?
Maura: Maybe I am, a little bit like him.
Jane: (seriously)  You are NOTHING LIKE HIM.
Maura: I don’t know Jane, I was a weird kid. 
Jane: (angrily)  Were you killing small animals?!
Maura: (laughing)  No, but I dissected a lot of frogs
Jane: That’s different. 
Maura: (upset and overwhelmed)  I started to think about (stands and paces) things that I never really thought about before.
Jane: Here it comes.  There are bodies buried in your basement.
Maura: (continuing on, seriously)  I spent a lot of time alone.  You know I was adopted and my father was a professor and my mother she, she came from a wealthy family.  I was an only child.  (Sitting, fidgety and upset)  I just realized something when I was reading about Hoyt.  That it just never occurred to me before.  (vulnerable and upset) There was a lot of benign neglect.  Not that they didn’t love me.  It’s just that I didn’t ask for much.  I don’t think I really knew how.  (Jane listening carefully and patiently) And the less that I would ask for, the less time that they had for me.  They were just very, very involved in their own lives.  And into each other, and, they sent me to boarding school when I was 10.  I actually think I sent away for the brochure myself. (Jane smiling and laughing) They were delighted.  I was really lost.
Jane: C’mere.  (Taking Maura’s hands)  No matter what happened to you, you are NOTHING like that monster.  K?  Yea you are a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy.  That’s not the same thing.  Okay?  (Maura nodding, smiling with a tear running down her face)  We’re a pair, aren’t we? (quiet laughing)
Maura: (softly)  Thank you.

Maura: (sitting at Jane’s counter, Jane pouring milk into cereal for her)  He had a gentleness I wasn’t expecting.
Jane: Well he’s wanted for a dozen or so not-so-gentle murders.  He’s a charismatic killer, ya know?  It’s not like you haven’t seen that animal before.  He’s dangerous.
Maura: (contemplative)  I don’t believe that.  I mean he risked his life to say goodbye to Colin.
Jane: (smirking)  Don’t tell me you’re finally let emotion run that big brain.
Maura: (half smile, head in hand)  I don’t know who I am anymore. 
Jane: Come on.  You’re the same ridiculously smart, amazing, goofy person that you were before.  Knowing that he is the source of the sperm doesn’t change that.
Maura: Well don’t be so sure.  Technically you did just say that my father is a killer.
Jane: Ehm ehm.  I said the sperm donor was a killer. 

Jane: (deliberating, conflicted)  If he wants to protect you, maybe we should just let him handle it.
Maura: No!  No, no, I’m not helping him kill another human being!
Jane: Even if it keeps you alive?
Maura: No.
Jane: Even if we arrest Colin’s killer, that will just leave a path for your father’s enemies to find you.
Maura: So there you go.  My my father, hurt a lot of people.
Jane: He’s not your father. 
Maura: My brother turned out just like him.
Jane: There’s no proof that Colin killed anyone and he’s not your brother.
Maura: So what?  He’s, he’s the sperm donor’s spawn?
Jane: Exactly.
Maura: And all he did was, what, steal identities and life savings?  Killing people in other ways.
Jane: So what does Colin Doyle have to do with you?
Maura: There are empirical data from several sources provide strong, converging lines of evidence (Jane rubbing her temples) that indicate that there is some degree of genetic predisposition for crime!
Jane: Maura, there is not an evil bone in your body.
Maura: It’s in my DNA.
Jane: (taking her hand) So what?  You want a study that proves that you’re not your father or your brother?!
Maura: Yes.

Jane: Still sorry you didn’t grow up with a sibling?!  (throwing peanuts at Frankie)
Maura: (laughing)  Yea.  I am.
Jane: (sweet, sympathetic smile)  Here, we’ll cure you of that.  (moves peanuts closer to Maura so she can throw them at Frankie too)  Aim at the head.  Face.
(RizzIsles laughing)

Some of the most fun moments to share are the ones that leave you with your mouth gaped open from shock or tears streaming down your face from laughing… both likely because your best friend made a sarcastic, bantery comment or was just being her hilarious self!  …even if it’s something you won’t find funny until tomorrow. ;)

Jane: Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you’re attracted to me?

Maura: Um, what’s my ringtone?
(Funeral March plays from Jane’s phone)
Maura: (smirking) Nice.  …and upbeat.

Jane: Oh my God.  You’re flirting over a dead body.
Maura: When else am I going to do it?

Maura: I can do a brain scan tomorrow.
Jane: Thank you.  Very helpful.

Jane: Haven’t you ever lied to a guy and told him he was good when he wasn’t?
Maura: No.
Jane: Do you like this shirt with this jacket?
Maura: Not really, no.

Jane: (skeeved out)  Danielle was selling herself to a guy with a plastic rug.  
Maura: Maybe he took it off.  Ya know, (seductively) during.

Jane: Your fancy French boarding school warped your young mind.

Maura: (confused)  No, that’s actually a reference to the unit of distance.  Leagues, across the ocean.  Not depth.
Jane: It’s at the bottom of the ocean.  Do you have a plan of finding it?
Maura: Not a good one.

Jane: Wanna get a drink?
Maura: (sarcastically)  Will it have gold flecks in it?
Jane: (smiling)  No.

Maura: …but I did find some deerskin fibers.
Jane: So we’re looking for Bambi.
Maura: No, we’re looking for apparel.
Jane: Moccasins?  A teepee?
Maura: Teepees are generally constructed from Buffalo hides.
Jane: (frustrated) Wow.  You are so literal.

Maura: Injuries are consistent with a non-biological, phallus shaped object.
Jane: (looking around, whispering)  You mean a dildo?

Maura: I wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women.
Jane: What?!  Well, first of all, I would be the guy.
Maura: That’s a cliché.  Why would you be the guy?!
Jane: Because.
Maura: Because you’re bossy?
Jane: So are you.
Maura: No I’m not.
Jane: Yes you are.  You’re just soft and polite when you boss people around.
Maura: Well it’s a good thing you’re not my type.
Jane: (offended)  What do you mean I’m not your type?!  That is so rude!
Maura: (smiling and laughing)  Well, you don’t know how to relax.  (Jane gestures to herself relaxing)  And you wear your shoes and your clothes to bed.  And you just admitted that you’re bossy.
Jane: (laughing)  Okay yea.  I’M bossy.  Right.  You put my picture and profile on a gay dating website and I’M bossy.  Right.  Okay.  …after I said no, by the way.  (Maura hums quietly)  What are you doing?
Maura: Meditating.  It’s too stressful to argue with you.
Jane: Well just think.  Because of you, by this time tomorrow I can be on a date with a killer.  (Maura turns her head to glare; Jane opens one eye and smirks)  Yaaay.

Jane: What??  What you think of as a great guy is an average woman.  If I wanted someone to walk the dog with me and talk about my feelings, I’d be gay.
Maura: You’re not gonna say that to him, are you?
Jane: I will if you don’t.  You got me into this, so get me out of it.

(Maura walks over with her “sneakers” squeaking and P.U.K.E. on her tank top)
Maura: Oh hi!  Sorry I’m late.  I’m still getting used to these.
Jane: (looking at Jane’s sneakers)  You didn’t tell me we were running as mallard ducks.
Maura: Well, I haven’t built up my foot muscles to the point where I can run barefoot.
Jane: We’ll chip in and buy you some shoes.
Maura: Well early humans ran very comfortably without shoes.  Research has proven that the barefoot strike pattern is much less stressful.
Jane: You.  Talking Google.  Stressful.

Maura: (laughing and surprised)  I didn’t know you knew the Labor Day rule.
Jane: (laughing)  C’mon, everybody knows the Labor Day rule.

(Frankie Sr. turns faucet on to test if his work is done)
Jane: Yea!!  Nice!  Very nice Pop!  (to Maura)  And you.  You’re a genius!
Maura: (excited)  Yes.  I am.
Jane: (laughing)  And a humble one too!
(RizzIsles laughing)
Maura: What?  It only takes 150 IQ points to be a genius.
Jane: What?  So you’re a dumb genius?  (Maura pinches Jane)  Hey!

(RizzIsles on elliptical machines at the gym, Maura is mercilessly staring at a guy working out and smiling)
Jane: (through gritted teeth)  Maura.  You’re staring at Chuck’s biceps.
Maura:  I am.  Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant males.  It’s natural selection at work.
Jane: You’re making me uncomfortable.  Stop.
Maura: What?  I’m just appreciating his sternoclydo mastoid.  (to Chuck, sweetly and matter-of-factly)  Excuse me.  You have beautifully developed musculator.  (Jane looks away)  What am I embarrassing you?
Jane: (sarcastically)  Oh no.  Not at all.  Why don’t you tell him he’s got a nice ass too?
Maura: (to Chuck, across the room)  …and a wonderfully proportionate gluteus maximus.  (flirty smiles)
Jane: I’m never working out with you again.

Jane: Marino wants a cup of coffee, there’s none upstairs.  Guy is a wreck.
Maura: I’ve tried everything… british strawberries, fennel, bok choy.
Jane: (stopping)  Are we in the same conversation?
Maura: Sorry.  I was talking about Bass.
Jane: Oh, you’re obsessing over your turtle again.
Maura: (offended)  Tortoise. 

Part of the best friend job description is to challenge you and force you to be the best version of yourself… that means they are unwilling to let you settle, encourage you to do things you are fearful of, and influence you to step outside your comfort zone and grow a little.  AND sometimes it means they push your buttons because they know how and they know they’ll be forgiven... once they acknowledge why they were challenging you.

Maura: Crime lab confirmed the presence of candlewax. 
Jane: What?!
Maura: Hold your questions.  These dark particles?  Those are burned feathers.
Jane: Okay let me guess… he was smothered with a burning down pillow while he drank candle wax.
Maura: No.
Jane: Maura, I know it makes you break out into hives if you have to guess.  But I need a theory.  Just one.
Maura: The medical evidence is consistent with what I would expect to find if the victim went through an exorcism.
Jane: He was killed by an exorcism?
Maura: I didn’t say that.

Maura: A grand boo boo.
Jane: I said I know.
Maura: Oh you knew what that robe was called?
Jane: A boo boo?

Maura: What’s that?
Jane: Want some?
Maura: Is that okay?
Jane: Yea.
Maura: What is that white substance?
Jane: Fluff.
Maura: Like downy particles of cotton?
Jane:  It’s marshmallow.  (confused face from Maura)  …and the brown substance is called peanut butter.  It’s ground up, heavy, oily particles of peanuts.  What they didn’t have that in your fancy boarding school?
Maura: It’s really good!

Jane: Why are you doing the autopsy on a Sunday?  They cancel all the kundalini, pitalau, ricu yoga classes.
Maura: Kundalini is sacred energy work.  Pitalau is a savory rice dish and I’m pretty sure you made up that last word.
Jane: Oh I’m sorry I’m not as educated as you and your deluxe friends. 

Jane: Hey.  (holds up bag of chocolate)  It’s got 24k gold flakes in it.
Maura: Are you making fun of me?
Jane: No.  I thought it’d be fun to try. 

Jane: You looked really at home in that world. 
Maura: It’s where I’m from.  It’s not where I chose to stay.
Jane: Well what are you doin down here slumming with us?
Maura: The same as you.  I’m catching bad guys.
Jane: I need the job.  You don’t.
Maura: Look, I want my life to have meaning and purpose.  The same as you.
Jane: (defeatedly)  Sounds good, Maura.  I don’t know what to believe anymore.  I’m not even sure whose side you’re on.  (Walks out)

Jane: (mumbles in agreement while gulping the champagne)
(Maura looks her up and down in disbelief then rolls her eyes at her)
Jane: (mumbles “What” with a full mouth of champagne)
Maura: (whispers)  Gimme that. 
(Jane tries to hold onto the glass Maura is grabbing at)
Maura: Give it. To me.  (walks toward dinner table)
Jane: I am hungry.  (burps quietly)

Jane: (clearly confused and waiting for the dots to connect)  Sweetie, I’m sorry.  I don’t know why you’re telling me this.

Maura: I don’t really drink beer.
Jane: That cause you never had, MY beer.
Maura: Okay.  Well can we at least drink it YOUR way?
Jane: Yes.  We can.  Let’s get this right.
(beer comes)
Maura: Okay, here we go.  Cheers.
Jane: (drinking her beer)  Hmm (gesturing for Maura to just drink it)
Maura: (drinks beer; surprised smile)  That’s delicious!

(In Yoga Class)
Jane: It hurts.
Maura: Pain is only in your mind.
Jane: Feels like my leg.  (Few poses later)  My mind has a cramp.

Maura: OH!  Jorge thinks you’re hot!
Jane: Forget it.
Maura: (laughing)  C’mon Jane.  Listen to me.  Every time he looks at you he contracts his orbicularis oculi and parazorbatalis.
Jane: Gross.
Maura: It’s facial muscles.  Please?
Jane: Only if you tell me what killed her.

Jane: Actually it’s getting kind of late.
Maura: (glances over at Jane)  I need to use the ladies room.  Jane, want to join me?
Jane: No, no.  I don’t need to go.
Maura: (whispers while walking passed)  I think you do.
Jane: I need to go to the ladies room.  Excuse me.
Jane: (Maura turns the corner and stops; Jane almost walks right into her)  I thought you needed to go to the restroom.
Maura: That was a rouse!  Well?  Do you like him?
Jane: (glances back around the wall to look at Jorge)  He’s sexy.
Maura: (sultry smiling)  Yea.  I think you should take him home.
Jane: Maura!
Maura: What?!  You said he was sexy.
Jane: Just because I like the way he looks in yoga class doesn’t mean I’m going to like the way he looks in my bed.
Maura: Right.  But did you know that sex releases imunoglobulin a?  It wards off colds.  (innocently beaming)
Jane: (contemplating)  No.  Not tonight.  And, and I didn’t shave my legs.
Maura: (pulls out a cosmetic bag with shaving equipment)  Nice try.
Jane: What kind of person are you?!
(Maura beams innocently holding up the cosmetic bag)

(RizzIsles walking toward each other outside headquarters)
Jane: REALLY?!
Maura: That bad?
Jane: I thought you said you couldn’t lie.
Maura: (offended)  What do you mean?  I can’t.
Jane: You did.
Maura: (semi-stumbling) Only one time when I said I’d finished my homework and I hadn’t and I immediately went vasa vagal.  Fainted.
Jane: Jorge’s in “medicine”?!
Maura: Technically.  Yes he is.
Jane: What’s his specialty, lactation?!
Maura: Orthopedics.  (Jane’s disgusted look)  Joe Grant.  He was a Detective.  He was sexy and he was a perfect match for you.
Jane: Well I kinda liked him.
Maura: Yea well you butted heads with him until he moved to Washington.  (shrugging)
Jane: So you hooked me up with Nurse Jorge?
(Maura innocently smiles; Jane glares and walks away)
Maura: (smirking) Well, I- (laughing) Yes.
Jane: It’s not funny.

Maura: (looking in Jane’s closet)  Uh oh.
Jane: What?
Maura: Now I understand why you always look like this.
Jane: (concerned, angry face)  Excuse me?!
Maura: You have nothing to wear.
(Jane gapes in disbelief)

Jane: (moving hair to side, head tilted)  Could you swab my neck for DNA?
Maura: (amused)  I’m not even going to ask why.

Jane: (annoyed, fake sweet smile)  Okay.  (Dirty look at giggling Maura)  You told him I was gay.
Maura: No, he assumed.  It’s different.
Jane: (through her teeth)  He ASSUMED?
Maura: (smirking)  Just close your eyes and breathe. 
Jane: (exhales)  You better hope this calms me down.
Maura: (amused)  I can always tell him you like him.
Jane: Don’t you dare. 
(RizzIsles pushing each other, Maura laughing)

Maura: (to Race Official)  I’ll need a Coroner’s Van.  I need to get this body to a morgue immediately.
Jane: Maura.  You’re gonna have to do this here in the field.
Maura: (laughing)  You’re kidding, right?  (still laughing, Jane stone serious)  This body’s evidence.  I--
Jane: Maura, we just sat in the ambulance and didn’t move.  So you’re gonna spend the next 6 hours crawling back to the lab while our killer slips away?!
Maura: I come--.  Jane--.  Sure, Jane.  (jokingly)  Just give me a leatherman’s and some duct tape and I’m ready to go.
Race Guy: I got those both right here.
Jane: K, good.  Here autopsy table.  Look, scrubs.  What else do you need?

Maura: Jane, I’m just guessing.  Okay?  I would need to confirm it.
Jane: (yelling)  You don’t have time to confirm it!  Your guess is better than most doctors.
Maura: I could be wrong.
Jane: (reading)  …aggressively manage with needle decompression to chest.
Maura: (yelling, freaked out)  I’ve never done it!
Jane: (running back over to Maura, yelling/pleading)  Maura!  Please!  Get a needle.  Do it!  (both looking down at Frankie struggling)  Do it now!

Amongst all of the energizing, empowering moments best friends get to share, perhaps the most rejuvenating ones are when all the walls come down and you can just be your true selves… it’s a genuine safe zone free from judgment (um, at least of each other LOL!) and full of support and unconditional love.  That safe zone means you can have ridiculous conversations, share deep truths, expose your heart and tease each other mercilessly.

Maura: (Glancing up from the body at Jane)  Hairline fracture. The nasal bone above the lateral nasal cartilage.  It’s not disfiguring.
Jane: Can you pop this out for me?
Maura: Can’t you do something safe like yoga.  Might hurt a little.
Jane: Okay.  (Maura pops her nose back)  OW!  A little?!
Maura: Put some ice on it for the next 24 hours so you don’t look like Mike Tyson.

Jane: Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?
Maura: No.
Jane: Did you ever have a best friend?
Maura: No.
Jane: You’d tell me if you were a cyborg, right?
Maura: (thinking)  No, I don’t think I would.

Maura: Should we draw straws?
Jane: Couldn’t we just show him our tits and let him decide?

Jane: Really?  You’re sorry?  Because I treated a Senior Federal Agent like a perp.  I tackled him, Maura.  In a creek.
Maura: Well that’s unfortunate.  But there is a fine line between courage and stupidity. 
Jane: Yea.  A fine, thin, blue line.
Other misc convo
Maura: (smirking) Did you actually tackle him?
Jane: Yes.  Like a linebacker.  Very professional.
Maura: (Laughs) Wow.  You’re very brave.
Jane: No.  I’m simply tired of being afraid.

Maura: I thought you might need some help cleaning up.
Jane: Yea.  Alright, um… let me get you some work clothes.
Maura: These are my work clothes. (Laughs at Jane’s look of contempt)  What?  (shoulder shimmy) You don’t like? 

Maura: You are deceptively complex.  I do not understand you.
Jane: Well you would if I was a dead body.
Maura: (genuinely intrigued) Do you think so?

Jane: Hey, did you ever hear from Marfan man?
Maura: Mm hm.  He called to thank me.  He’s going to a specialist.  World renowned. 
Jane: Are you going to see him again?
Maura: I don’t date patients.
Jane: (Laughing) You don’t want to go out with him because he has some weird disease?
Maura: His limbs are a little spidery but that’s not the only reason.
Jane: Come on!  You gotta stop that.  You gotta stop diagnosing people.
Maura: Can we just talk about your love life?
Jane: Okay.  I date two kinds of guys.  One that hates that I’m a cop, and one that wants me to use the handcuffs.  Watch this.  (holds up cuffs as guy approaches)  3-2-1…bye bye.  (looks at his smirking friend) “I like handcuffs”.  Alright, enough of this.

Jane: At recess he used to yell out “Roly Poly Rizzoli eats cannoli”.
Maura: Aww. You were overweight?
Jane: No.  I was athletic.  Maybe I was a little chunky.  Why?  What’d they call you?
Maura: (singing/chanting) Maura the bor-a.  They meant boring but it doesn’t rhyme.

Maura: Haven’t you ever been scared of something?
Jane: Witches.  My family went to Salem when I was little.  I had to sleep with a nightlight.
Maura: See?  You were very impressionable.
Jane: Why?  What were you scared of?
Maura: Chromium bacterium vialactium.
Jane: What’s that?
Maura: Flesh eating bacteria… it gets into your ear and starts eating you from the inside out---
Jane: I got it.
Maura: It’s horrible.

Jane: Did you play sports?
Maura: (proudly)  Ballet. And fencing.
Jane: Those aren’t sports.
Maura: Yes they are!  What did you play?
Jane: Field Hockey.  I was an Attacker.
Maura: I’m sure you were very aggressive.
Jane: (confused then amused)  Attacker is a position.  (smiling)

Jane: You take it for granted that you know all that.
Maura: I didn’t know Attacker was a position.
Jane: Such a gaping hole in your education.
(RizzIsles laughing)

Jane: Ohh.  Dr. Maura Isles.  Knuckle deep in germy bar snacks.  I’m shocked.
Maura: Oh.  I had representative samples tested.  Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits.  Want one?
Jane: It must be very complicated to be you.
Maura: You have no idea.

Jane: I applied to BCU.
Maura: It’s very hard to get in to.
Jane: I got in.
Maura: Why didn’t you go?
Jane: (shrugging)  I wanted to be a cop.
Maura: What’s the real reason?
Jane: My father would’ve spent everything to send me there.  I couldn’t do that to him.
Maura: Did you ever tell him?
Jane: No.  That would make him too sad.

Jane: Okay, I think I’m getting a wedgie.  C’mon.
Maura: Oh God.  (Jane moves her to block her)
Jane: Just stand here.
Maura: Can’t you do this in the bathroom??
Jane: What?  No!  It’ll just take a second.

Jane: K, um, this is how we do it in my family.  (Stabs fish with the knife; juice squirts all over her)  OH!  (Everyone turns to look; Maura smiles and keeps eating)
Maura: Okay.  Just eat it.  It’s delicious.  (Jane makes disgusted face)

Maura: Oh, so that’s what you think?!  You think this is all about fashion for me? (exasperated sigh from Jane) 
Jane: (mumbling)  This is gonna be good.  (audibly)  Um, no?  It’s not about fashion?
Maura: (dead pan)  No.  It’s not.
Jane: (indulging)  What is it about then?
Maura: I used to sit at the Musei de Orsi for hours and just stare at it.  (lighting up) D’ya know what I mean? 
Jane: Yes, the Rizzoli family vacations there every summer. 
Maura: Have you ever tried to appreciate Euler’s Number E?  The beautiful equation that connects three constants of mathematics?  (genuinely)  Have you?
Jane: Yea, I tried it once.  (Korsack laughing)
Maura: I am in awe of what human beings can do.  (smiling)  I am in awe of the(running her hands across her collar) hand-knit channel stitching of this sweater.  I am in awe of the artisan who molded, and shaped this shoe (holding it in her hand)
Jane: I cannot wait to see what you’re gonna wear!
(Maura sarcastically smiles)

Maura: None of the allele frequencies correspond to the DNA isolated on the 2x4.
Jane: The blood on the weapon didn’t match any of my dates?

Jane: What if--
Maura: I don’t like sentences that begin with “what if”.
Jane: Let’s assume--
Maura: Why is that better?  (Jane sighs)

Maura: Wow.  Picking a fight.  With the Governor.  You’re fearless.
Jane: No I’m not.
Maura: C’mon Jane.  Maybe we just stop the race.
Jane: Maura we stop this race we send the message to thousands of people that we give in to fear.  We don’t give in to fear. 
Maura: (softer)  Okay, I understand.  If we do then we just end up dying a little bit every day.  Which, metabolically speaking, we do anyway--
Jane: Maura!  Ugh.  Really?!

Jane: Do you have to do that?!
Maura: What?
Jane: That.  That word thing you do.
Maura: Etymology?
Jane: You can’t stop, can you?
Maura: Not really.

Jane: You’re all hovering.  I’m fine.  I’m fine.  No.
Maura: Actually that’s a common reaction to fear.  As the rostral anterior sinulate cortex activates.  (Jane’s confused, look of disbelief, Maura notices everyone’s disinterest and strange stares, Maura seems uncomfortable)  A lot of people find neurobiology fascinating.  (Putting food in her mouth)
Jane: Are they all neurobiologists?

Maura: (deliberating)  I’m telling you that the man laying there is my brother.
(RizzIsles away from the morgue, sitting on a bench in a park)
Maura: He’s actually my half brother. 
Jane: You know this from the DNA?
Maura: (nods)  Yea we share the same father but not the same mother.  (sighing)  It’s so odd.  You know, I have a blood relative. 
Jane: I’m so sorry, Maura.
Maura: I’m fidgeting.  I’m fidgeting.  I never fidget.
Jane: (laughing)  Welcome to the human race.
Maura: (laughing, then serious)  I always wondered what it’d be like to have a sibling.  …more than what it’d be like to meet my biological parents. 
Jane: That seems normal. 
Maura: I don’t know anything about him.  I don’t know his name… all I know is that he was a theif.
Jane: And a brilliant artist. 
Maura: That’s not enough.  How did he end up on my table?  Why did he do what he did?  What if I never know?
Jane: What do you know about your biological parents?
Maura: Nothing.  My parents told me that my adoption was private with their lawyer.  All they knew was my birthdate.  Maybe that’s not even right.
Jane: You gonna tell them about this?
Maura: No.  No.  I didn’t even tell them when I tried to find my biological mother and father before I started college.
Jane: What’d you find out?
Maura: All the files were useless or sealed by a court order.  (sadly)  I may have wanted to know them, but they didn’t want to know me.
Jane: Okay.  (sits up and reaches for Maura)  What can I do?
Maura: (thinking)  I need to know who did this to him. 

Jane: Maura, can you hand me the torch please?
Maura: Can I do it?
Jane: Really?  You know how to do this?
Maura: Of course.  I used one of these to sear toro.

Jane: You brought your turtle to work?
Maura: Tortoise.  I couldn’t get his usual caregiver.
(Jane laughs)

Jane: Well, Frankie and I became cops, and Tommy went to prison for hitting a priest in a crosswalk.
Maura: Oh.
Jane: It was his 3rd strike for driving under the influence.
Maura: Your poor parents.
Jane: (ranting) And you know they keep saying “if the priest that he hit has forgiven him, why can’t we?”.  This isn’t about forgiveness.  You know, Tommy is, is, really troubled.  And the more they deny it, the more he screws up.
Maura: (softly)  You really care about him.
Jane: I just think that we need to face reality.  Tommy needs help.  This isn’t like he broke his leg and it’ll heal. 
Maura: (nodding)  I’m really sorry.
Jane: (calmer)  Thank you.  Don’t worry about it.  We got too much to do today to worry about Tommy.  (walking away)

Jane: But you helped him before.
Maura: (panicking) No no, the problem isn’t his heart right now, Jane.  There’s too much pressure from the bleeding.  His heart can’t pump.
Jane: (begging)  Please don’t let him die, Maura.  Please.  (more distant gun shots) We can’t get him out of here.  Okay.  What can you do, right now, that will help him?
Maura: I don’t know!  I don’t know what more I can do with what I have.
Jane: He’s going to die.  Right here on this table if you don’t do something.  Think!
Maura: Okay.  Okay.  (eyes closed trying to regain composure)
Jane: You’re the only one that can save him.
(Maura walks away implying she has an idea)

Paula Abdul sang about it, and JaneandMaura prove it: “We come together cause opposites attract”!  Now, wipe the tears of laughter and love off your face, pour a HUGE glass of wine and call your best friend… and add this moment of true gratitude for one another to your “list”!  Then check out other classic moments from Season 1 that epitomize Jane and Maura as individuals too.

This was all of Season 1!  Check back for S2 and 3!

“When it hurts to look back, and you’re scared to look ahead,
look beside you and I’ll be there…”

“I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn, and we are lead to those who help us most to grow, if we let them, and we help them in return. …but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart ...because I knew you, I have been changed for good…”
(Wicked the Musical)

“That was the thing about best friends.  Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off, make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours.”
(Kristin Hannah, “Firefly Lane”)

GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog it  :)