Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.12 -- "Love the Way You Lie"

Case: An author is found dead from an apparent suicide; Frost digs back into an old case of a college kid convicted of killing a college girl
RizzIsles: Maura & Jane (and Angela) are named Captains of Wellness for BPD; Jane and Maura find out who Angela has been secretly dating in a very awkward way

Jane: Okay, I’m dying to know why Cavanaugh brought us all in early.  (brightly smiles at Maura standing by coffee in Café)
Frost: Me too.  It can’t be good news, right?
Korsak: Maybe Angelina Jolie is playing a homicide cop and wants to do a ride-along.
Frost: Yea, that must be it.
Jane: (concerned face) There’s no coffee!  What the hell?!
Maura: Try some Green Tea.  Only 15 milligrams of caffeine.
Angela: (walking over with a plate) Anybody want fresh mint for their tea?
Maura: Nice!  Thank you!
Jane: No!  We want caffeine.
Angela: I’m not allowed to serve coffee today.
Jane: Said who?!
Angela: Him.  (gazing at Cavanaugh)

Cavanaugh: Good morning!  I’m sure you’re all wondering why I asked you in early this morning.
Jane: Actually we were wondering where the coffee is, sir.
Cavanaugh: I’m glad you asked cause the Homicide Squad is taking part in week of health.
(Maura raises her hand)
Jane: (through gritted teeth to Maura) Are you raising your hand?!
Cavanaugh: Dr. Isles?
Maura: I’m happy to do whatever I can to support this program.
Korsak: Swell.
Cavanaugh: And why is that?  Is it because (reading) 70% of all health issues are related to smoking, physical inactivity, poor food choices and stress?
Maura: Well yes.  Which leads to higher than average mortality rates for cancer, suicides and heart disease.
Jane: Maybe because somebody took their coffee away.
Maura: On average, police officers only live 2-5 years after retiring.
Detectives: What?!
Cavanaugh: She’s right.  I’m not standing by and letting my people drop dead.
Frost: What do we do?
Cavanaugh: Mrs. Rizzoli and Detective Rizzoli, I’d like you to join Dr. Isles as our Wellness Captains.
Jane: WHAT?!
Korsak: (smirking)  How bout a nice big round of applause for our new Wellness Captains?
Cavanaugh: Mrs. Rizzoli will provide meals, Dr. Isles will guide us in 5 minute meditation, and Detective Rizzoli will lead us in physical activity breaks.  (leaves)

Jane: (to Angela)  Why didn’t you give me a heads up?!  I coulda stopped at Boston Joe’s!
Angela: Whooooa.  This aggressive behavior proves that you’re a caffeine addict.
Maura: Let’s just take a moment and celebrate the fact that Lieutenant Cavanaugh wants us to be captains!  (Maura and Angela celebrate, Jane rolls her eyes)
Jane: (dryly) He wants us to be Hall Monitors Maura.
Maura: Oh.

Korsak: We gotta go.  We got a high profile suicide.
Jane: GREAT!  Let’s go!  C’mon, Frost, we can stop and get some coffee!

Korsak: Victim was a famous author.
Jane: Is his name Jules Verne?!
Maura: (impressed)  Nice literary reference!  (proud smirk from Jane)  Do you see hints of Dickens too?  (Jane rolls her eyes)
Frost: Victim was a “steam punker”.
Jane: A who?
Frost: Steam Punkers revere Victorian-era fashion and technology, but add a punk spin.

Maura: The ligature marks on his neck are inconsistent with a suicide.
Jane: Are they consistent with a homicide?
Maura: Uhm.  (makes a face, resumes examining)
Jane: Okay, I’ll make it easy for you: Door #1, suicide.  Door #2, homicide.
Maura: Door #3, suspicious death.
Jane: Thank you for playing the annoy-the-uncaffeinated-detectives game.
Maura: (laughing)  I thought you stopped for coffee.
Jane: Line was too long.

Jane: Whadya doin Ma?
Angela: Oh Ladies!  (holding up a bin)  Please empty your pockets of any unhealthy snacks.  (Maura follows instructions, Jane reaches into bin to grab something Maura just put down, Angela pulls bin away and gasps)  Maura, here is your mid-morning snack.
Jane: (whining)  A quinoa wrap?!  Barf!
Maura: Oh look!  A smiley face sticker!
Jane: Why do I have a sad sticker?
Angela: (sternly) Because a bad attitude is bad for your body!
Jane: Well give me the badASS sticker then.  Frost had a donut this morning!  What’s gonna happen to him?!

(Computer voice plays overhead in lab: “It’s time for your 5 minute meditation”)
Jane: Turn. That. Off.  …please.
Maura: Meditating lowers stress.  It improves focus.  I don’t want to have to report you.
Jane: Report me?  You’re gonna report ME?
Maura: (defensive)  Well I have to!  Lieutenant Cavanaugh insisted.
Jane: Okay.  50 push-ups.  (Maura looks offended)  Now!  I don’t want to be forced to “report you”.
Susie: (walks in with folder)  Is this a bad time?
Maura: Not at all.  (smiles at Susie, glances at Jane, RizzIsles smirk)

Maura: The particles of both C2 vertebrae were intact.  It’s not a hang man’s fracture.
Jane: What does that mean?  It’s not a hanging death?
Maura: Well, I’d expect to see an injury from a sudden, forceful, hyperextension.  This is an asphyxiation. 
Jane: Okay.  I haven’t had any coffee… so can we stick to strangled, or hung.  (whispers)  Try again.
Maura: Strangled. 
Jane: Good!  (smiles)
Maura: Then hung.
Jane: Why me?!

(Recorded alert plays from Jane’s phone… in Maura’s voice: “It’s physical activity time”)
Jane: No, it. is. not.  I’m going to kill her!  That should fulfill the “physical activity time” for today!
Cavanaugh: (walks up behind Jane) Glad to hear you leading everyone Captain Rizzoli.
Jane: (surprised)  Yes.  Yes, sir.  (stands up)  Everybody up.  Stand up.  On your feet.  Cause, we are, jogging.  We are jogging in place.  (smiles at Cavanaugh as he leaves)  Doesn’t that feel good?!
Frankie: Detective Rizzoli.  …JANEY!
Jane: What?!  (stops jogging)
Frankie: I brought in your suspect.  When you’re finished with your calisthenics, thought you’d wanna talk to her?
Jane: (whispers)  Thank you.  (to the group)  Oh!  Stop!

Frost: Would you look through my interrogation of Quinton too?
Maura: What am I looking for?
Frost: Something I’m not seeing.

Frankie: Jane, something’s goin on with Ma.
Jane: Maybe she ate too many chia seeds.
Frankie: Jane, she’s growing herbs.
Jane: (feigning seriousness) Uh oh.  Did you spot cannabis between the basil and the rosemary?
Frankie: She hasn’t gardened since Pop left.
Jane: (sarcastically) Oh no.  I hope she’s not enjoying her life again.
Frankie: (seriously) Okay, she’s suddenly interested in lip balm, and she asked me if the pants she was wearing made her look fat.
Jane: That is bad.  No, that’s a bad sign.
Frankie: Told you.  (walks away)

Maura: (trying to comfort Frost) It wasn’t your case; still isn’t…
Frost: What do I do, Dr. Isles?
Maura: (pensive pause) Pursue the truth.  Ann has more to say.

(RizzIsles on floor in Maura’s living sitting crisscross applesauce)
Maura: (in meditating position, eyes closed; glances at Jane who is just looking at her) Close your eyes. (resumes meditating)
Jane: (staring into space, bored) How much longer?
Maura: (stops meditating, sighs in frustration) You’re insufferable.  (mock kid tone) Are we there yet?!  Just quiet the chatter in the monkey mind.  Inhale deeply through your nose (inhales), exhale (exhales).
Jane: (loud noise in background) Did you hear that?
Maura: (trying to maintain meditating) Try not to attach to the ambient noise.
Jane: No it sounded like it was coming from right outside the guest house.
Angela: (from outside) Maura!  Maura!  (comes storming into Maura’s living room wearing a silky nighty, one strap off her shoulder)
Jane: Ma, what the hell’s goin on?
Angela: (distressed) He fell! (RizzIsles jump up to run outside; Angela holds hand up to Jane) Uh, no! (closes door)
Jane: Ma!
(Cavanaugh laying on ground with Maura and Angela over him)
Angela: Sean?  Sean?
Jane: Oh my God!!  (visibly skeeved out)  Is that Cavanaugh?!
Maura: Jane, call 9-1-1.
Cavanaugh: (groggy)  No, no.  I said no.
Jane: (stops, turns around) No?
Cavanaugh: I said no.  That’s an order Rizzoli.
Maura: Angela, get me a towel.
Angela: Okay.  (gets up)
Jane: And his pants, too.

(Cavanaugh on couch, Angela holding ice on his head, Maura on other side examining him)
Cavanaugh: What the hell happened to me?
Maura: It appears you experienced a vasovagal episode.
Cavanaugh: I went outside to get some air.
Jane: (quietly, dryly) You live in Dorchester.
Cavanaugh: I got lightheaded is all.
Jane: (quietly, dryly) Is that how your pants fell off?
Angela: (whisper yelling) Jane!  Don’t embarrass him!
Jane: (whisper yelling) I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.
Maura: Well your dizziness may have been caused by sexual arousal and the sudden rush of blood to your genitals.
Jane: Oh my god!  (dry heaving)
Angela: Okay.  We weren’t making love, we were just making out.
Jane: I’m gonna have a vasovagal episode if you don’t stop.  Please, I beg you.
Maura: You should go to the hospital.
Cavanaugh: No.
Angela: Maybe you could just, stitch his head up.
Maura: Well, we need to know what caused this.  When was the last time you ate, Lieutenant?
Angela: Well he got his meals at the café, same as you two.
Cavanaugh: I may have skipped lunch… and dinner.
Angela: You said my healthy food was sensational and delicious.
Jane: He meant your healthy food was silent and deadly.
Maura: (sighing)  A butterfly bandage might close this up.

(Angela getting off couch, glares at Jane, walks into kitchen)
Jane: (following Angela into the kitchen)  How long have you and my BOSS been seeing each other?!
Angela: (pointing between them)  WE are not going there.
Jane: YOU are in a slip, and my boss is on my best friend’s couch, IN HIS UNDERWEAR.  What do you have to say for yourself?!
(Angela walks back over to the couch)
Maura: I still think you need to be seen in the ER.
Cavanaugh: (insistent) No.  No one else can know about this incident.  (starts to get up)  I’m just gonna get in my car and go home.
Angela: (standing up to follow him) Alright, at least let me drive you home.
(Angela and Cavanaugh leave, Jane helplessly stares at Maura who is trying REALLY hard to not laugh)
Jane: Please tell me I’m asleep and that was a dream.

(Jane leading Frost and Korsak in physical activity time, Cavanaugh walks in)
Cavanaugh: Nice, jogging Rizzoli.
Jane: (awkwardly, avoiding eye contact)  Thank you, sir.
Cavanaugh: Soo, where we at on the Slater case?
Jane: (awkwardly removing pictures from board, sits down)  Well, uh, both our suspects have alibis, so nowhere really.
Korsak: Slater used pseudonyms for all the drug addicts and chat room suicide folks he wrote about.
Cavanaugh: Okay, so, run ‘em down people.
Korsak: What’s goin on with him?
Jane: Too many whole grains?
Korsak: I’m thinking that old dog got some last night.
(Jane’s. Face.)

Frankie: When we getting coffee back?
Angela: You’ll thank me when you’re old.
Frankie: I’m not interested in getting old if all I get to drink is green tea.

Cavanaugh: (walking up to café counter) Hello.
Angela: (warmly)  Hi Sean.
Cavanaugh: Thanks, Mrs. Rizzoli.
Angela: I, um, gave you potatoes instead of quinoa.  I know you said you missed your potatoes.
Cavanaugh: I don’t deserve the special treatment.
Angela: Yea you do.
Cavanaugh: Look, Angela, you’re a wonderful lady.  (Frankie overhears) 
Angela: But?
Cavanaugh: But, I’ve got a job to do here.  I never should’ve started this.  I’m sorry.
Angela: (hurt)  Oh.  (he walks away)
Frankie: Ma?  Please tell me that you and Cavanaugh— (look from Angela, he whispers)  You’re my mother!  What are you doing?!
Angela: (grabs his face)  Before I was your mother, I was a person.  And what’s so wrong with wanting to be a person again?  (walks away)
Frankie: Want me to punch his lights out?!
Angela: Noo.

Maura: You know which occupation has the highest suicide rate?
Jane: Homicide Detectives while they wait for autopsy results?
Maura: No.  Physicians.  Our suicide rate is nearly double the national average.  It’s even higher than dentist’s.
Jane: (sarcastically)  Maura, is this some kind of cry for help?
Maura: Yes.  If you meditate with me, you will greatly improve the quality of my life.
Jane: Were you one of those girls who needed another girl to go to the bathroom with them in 7th grade?!
Maura: (seriously)  Of course not!
Jane: Well, then, I’m sure that you can quite the, monkey, mind, chatter all by yourself.  I know you can!

Jane: Frost, you’re no good to us until you can focus.  Go.  Jog there if it’ll make you feel better.

Jane: (notices Korsak’s phone goes off)  Who’s texting you?
Korsak: (sees text from Angela asking him not to tell anyone she needs to talk to him)  Uh, new C.I. I’m working with.

(Angela asks Vince for dating advice and tells him about Cavanaugh)
Korsak: Let me guess, he broke it off.
Angela: How’d you know?
Korsak: You said it.  I’ve known him a long time.
Angela: Tell me Vince or I’ll have you eating this health crap forever.
Korsak: Back when we were rookies, Sean lost his wife and baby son in a fire.  I don’t think he’s even had a serious girlfriend since.
Angela: Oh.  Well that explains some things… I wish he had told me.
Korsak: I’ve never heard him talk about it.

Jane: If that grappling hook is for the wellness program, you can count me out.  I’m not a fan of heights.

Maura: Slater was a terrible typist with bad grammar.  He uses who instead of whom, which instead of that.
Jane: Oh, no wonder somebody killed him.

Jane: Well do you have that last page?
Maura: We certainly do thanks to Sergeant Korsak.
Korsak: Oh no thanks to you, Dr. Isles.
Maura: (modestly)  Oh, please Sergeant, I couldn’t have done it without your help.
Jane: (disbelief) Okay, we’ll throw you both a parade later.

Frost: I always thought the greatest feeling in the world was putting away bad guys.
Jane: It’s not?
Frost: No.  The greatest feeling in the world is freeing an innocent man.

(Bartender brings 3 beers and glass of wine to group)
Maura: I don’t think anybody ordered a red wine.
Jane: Hm.  Actually, I did.  (Maura stares in disbelief) 
Maura: What?!
Jane: (shyly, off everyone’s looks) Well, it’s like Maura’s always saying, the resveratrol in red wine is excellent for cardiac health.
Maura: (flattered)  You actually listen to me?
Jane: (sincerely, smiling)  Most of the time, yea.
Maura: Well.  This deserves a toast.  (raises her glass)  Salud. 

GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.11 -- "Class Action Satisfaction"

Case: A man eating at the BPD Café starts coughing up blood, then drops dead.  Maura, Jane and a Morgue Tech are exposed to poison and have to be temporarily quarantined.
RizzIsles: The whole family (Maura included!) are helping take care of Baby “TJ”; Jane wants to play a role in TJ’s life and promises to help Tommy if the baby turns out to be his.

Stanley: (on phone with 911 operator) Oh, so you come faster if it was a cop?!  No, it’s a fat guy!

Jane in PJs, leaning on Maura’s kitchen island, drinking coffee; Maura walks in wearing her PJs; Jane pushes a cup of coffee toward her
Jane: Drink.
Maura: Thank you.  (spits coffee back into cup)  Instant?!  You served me instant?!
Jane: I’m so tired you’re lucky I didn’t serve you Drano.

Tommy: Maura, you ready to swab me?
Jane: You two want some privacy?
Tommy: I’m gonna find out if this is my kid today.  Let’s do this.  Wait, is this gonna hurt?!
Jane: Oh my God, Tommy!  It’s a giant cotton swab.

Tommy: It’s weird that she’s so good with babies.
Maura: Yea, it is a little surprising.  Wasn’t it wonderful how we tag teamed the feedings all night?!  Baby elephants are raised by the female relatives in the herd… aunts, sisters, grandmothers.
Jane: Don’t repeat this cause I’ll deny it.  (in baby voice)  I wish we were elephants so we could keep him!

Jane: (checking her phone)  That doesn’t make any sense… suspicious death at the Division One Café?  I hope Ma’s alright… (trying to make a call)  It’s going straight to voicemail.  Maur, c’mon, we gotta go.
Maura: I’m in my Robe and you’re in your mother’s pajamas.
Jane: Yea, so?  We’ll change in the car.  C’mon.

Maura: I’m not sure.  The hymoptasis suggests all kinds of causes.
Stanley: We don’t even serve hymoptasis.
Maura: Hymoptasis simply means he coughed up blood.

Angela: Jane, he ordered the breakfast special… but he didn’t eat the turkey bacon.  Oh wait!  And he asked for ketchup.
Jane: (trying to be patient and sincere) Thank you, Ma.  That’s, that’s very helpful.

(Tommy tending to TJ; knock on the door; Tommy frantically runs to answer it – it’s Frankie)
Tommy: OH!  Thank God, Bro!  Thanks for coming.  (runs back over to baby)
Frankie: I gotta get back to work.  Is the baby ok?
Tommy: Yea.  I think so…
Frankie: You think so?
Tommy: I fell asleep on the couch.  He was sleeping on my chest.  Frankie, he rolled off.
Frankie: Oh my God.  (walks to look at baby)  Did he hit his head?
Tommy: He landed on a pillow.
Frankie: (annoyed) Oh Tommy! 
Tommy: I know!  What if he can never ride a bike now?!  God!  I can’t be a Dad!
Frankie: What?!
Tommy: (baby cries)  Now he hates me!  (knock on the door)  Oh crap!  What if the neighbors called Social Services?!
Frankie: Calm down, would ya?

Maura: Cuckoo Birds are host parasites.
Jane: You desperately need some sleep.
Maura: I’m thinking of creative child rearing solutions.
Jane: Okay, what do cuckoo birds do?
Maura: They lay their eggs in a host bird’s nest, and they let that bird raise the babies.  However, they first destroy the host bird’s eggs.
Jane: So all we’ll need to do is sneak into some nice family’s home, drop off TJ and get rid of the other kids.  (RizzIsles glance, Jane smirks)
Maura: (walking away)  Maybe elephants are a better example.

Maura: (looking into a bowl)  Oh!  Very nice.  (showing Jane)  Barely digested stomach contents.
Jane: Hm.  What is that, eggs?
Maura: (looking closer, impressed)  Good for you!  Yes!  (Jane smirks proudly)  Can you tell what that is?
Jane: Only if there’s a prize.  Pancake.
Maura: (aMAURAbly proud)  Oh!  Excellent!  Hmm… I wonder, what this is.  Smell it.  (points it toward Jane)
Jane: (moving away)  I’m good.
Maura: (smelling contents)  It’s a mint leaf.  And this is chocolate and this could be whipped cream.
Jane: Like from a milkshake?
Maura: (smells again)  No, it was a coffee drink.  Likely frozen.
Jane: But Ma doesn’t serve frozen, chocolate, minty cappuccinos.
Maura: Frappucino.  It’s a portmanteaux of frappe and cappuccino.
Jane: Do you ever worry that you’ll sound pretentious?
Maura: (straight faced, slightly confused at the question)  No.  What about Tank?
Jane: (throws head back, groaning)  God it’s gonna be a long day!
Maura: Another portmanteaux.  (Susie walks into lab)  Tommy plus Frank equals Tank.  (beaming with pride)
Jane: Hang on.  We’re being interrupted by something relevant (points to Susie).

Frost: Recognize anyone?
Korsak: She looks familiar, but can’t place her.
Woman: (stops walking, surprised/excited, smiles at Korsak, he nods, she walks over)  Vince!  (hands on his face, quickly pecks his lips)
Korsak: (surprised) Great seeing you too.
Woman: Oh, c’mon Vinny.  You really don’t recognize me?
Korsak: IIIIIIIII know we know each other…
Woman: (nodding)  We did.
Korsak: (shocked, recognition sets in, sits down slowly)  Oh God… Detective Frost, this is my 1st wife, Dayna.
Frost: Oh wow.  Hi.  Well.  How do you forget, your wife?
Dayna: It’s okay, it’s been a while.
Korsak: 40 years.
Dayna: And we were only married for 3 weeks.
Korsak: It was a year actually.  But I spent most of it in Vietnam.
Dayna: I still owe you an apology.
Korsak: Pffft.  No need.  It was so long ago… Dayna, we need your help.  (holds up picture of victim) 
Dayna: Phil.  Is he in trouble?
Korsak: He’s dead.

(Frost & Korsak leaving AA Meeting after talking to Dayna)
Korsak: (to Dayna)  Good to see you.  (Frost and Korsak leave)
Frost: Oh yea.  Really good… what was your name again?!

Jane: Maybe we should try to get him.
Maura: (stops talking in disbelief, serious stare at Jane, speaks with contempt)  You would like to raise TJ?
Jane: (innocently)  Sort of.  Yea.  (Off Maura’s glare)  I mean, not full time, just s-some of the time.  (Frankie rolls his eyes; Jane gets loud)  I don’t know!  We should tell Ma!

Frankie: You want me to look for half eaten eggs and pancakes?!  Are you kidding me?!  (Jane glares)
Maura: (looks at Jane, answers seriously) It doesn’t look like she is.

Jane: Okay.  Is that why you moved the bookshelf?!  So you could see all the dead bodies coming in??
Maura: Yes!  (flirty smile at guy wheeling in gurney)  Isn’t it convenient?!
Jane: (dryly)  Oh yes.  I’m forgetting all my troubles.

Maura: (signing for body delivery, smiles up at Morgue Tech, flirty)  I’m sorry.  I don’t recall your name.
Morgue Tech: Alex.  Alex Simmons.  I haven’t been doing many shifts lately.  …not since I started Medical School.  (RizzIsles glance/smirk)
Maura: Wonderful!  Congratulations!
Alex: Thank you.  It’s a lot of work, but it’s what I always wanted to do.  (Maura smiles and nods; Alex checks her out)  Dr. Isles, is that a Cassandra Strickenberg?  (Jane’s expression of disbelief and surprise)
Maura: (looks down at her outfit)  Uh, why yes it is.  How did you know?
Alex: The giveaway is the trumpleaux effect in the appliques.  Love the hand-stitching!  This is gorgeous fabric.  (RizzIsles *priceless* expressions)
Maura: With an eye like that, maybe you should’ve considered fashion design!
Alex: Actually, I love to sew.  I’m lucky… fine motor skills.  I also knit, crotchet and bead.
Jane: Bead.  Cool.  (Maura smirks at Jane)

Maura: (talking to herself about observations on body)  Oh no.  (taking gloves off, backing away from the table, speaks calmly)  I’m going to tell you both something very frightening.  I don’t want either of you to panic, alright?
Jane: (observing Maura’s actions, concern rising)  Maura, what is it?!
Maura: Hold your breath and move as fast as you can to the Crime Lab.  We have a Code Red.  (hits button on wall to sound alarm)  Go now!

Jane: Maura, I’m asking you to list the possibilities.  That’s not guessing.
Maura: Jane, try to stay calm.
Jane: I am calm!  It’s my imagination that’s hysterical.  Is it Ebola or Leprosy, or die-before-lunch syndrome?!
Maura: Ebola is a possibility.  So is SARS, Anthrax, Dengay Fever, West Nile Virus, drug-resistant Tuberculosis…

CDC Guy: Put your clothing in these bags, shower with the decontamination soap, change into the tyvex suit.
Maura: (quickly removes lab coat, moves to find a place to undress, whiny voice)  I only wore this Cassandra Stuckenberg once!
Alex: (sincerely)  Oh, how awful!
Jane: (sarcastically)  Yes, real tragedy.
Maura: You need to take a decontamination shower.  (Presses button on wall; shower head lowers)
Jane: Where’s the stall?!
Maura: Now is no time to be modest, Jane!  (3 of them start undressing)  The longer you delay, the higher chance you have of becoming infected.
Jane: (looks over at Alex undressing and yawning)  Well this is awkward. 
Alex: Sorry, Medical School.  I’m exhausted, it’s killing me.
Jane: (sees CDC Guys through window, moves things to block their view; Maura watches as she tries to hide under desk to undress)  What?!  (finishes shower, drying off with little towel)

Alex: (in Tyvex Suit, yawning, hands Jane package)  Want your Tyvex Suit now?
Jane: Yea.  I’d also like about a dozen more of these tiny towels.  (Alex yawns, walks away)  Okay.  (whisper yelling to Maura)  I am officially offended! 
Maura: (looking at computer)  Well this is interesting…
Jane: (wheels her blocking contraption toward Maura’s desk, hiding behind it)  What?!  That Alex fell asleep when I was naked?!
Maura: He’s obviously not into women!

Susie: (through window into quarantine room)  Alex!  Are you okay?!
Alex: (walks to window)  I’m fine, Babe.
Jane: (RizzIsles exchange surprised glance)  Oh, so he’s not into women?!
Maura: Hello?!  I’m the one who has to supervise him!  I did a strip tease in front of my Morgue Tech!
Jane: No worries.  He wasn’t watching!  (yells across room)  I didn’t know you two were together.
Susie: We’ve been keeping it a secret. (catches herself)  I hope that’s okay!  There’s no policy in place about dating co-workers.
Jane: Yea, no.  You can shower in front of them…  (fake laugh)

Maura: (to officer bringing clothes back in)  Captain Greene, you didn’t happen to keep the Cassandra Strickenberg, did you?  (confused glance from cop)  My skirt.
Captain Greene: Ah.  It was just about to be autoclipped.  I stopped it.
Maura: Thank you!  (excited, hugging bag)
Alex: (pats Captain on the shoulder, smiles)  Good job.
Jane: Yes, what a relief.

Maura: (sees Jane peeking into lab)  It’s safe.  (Jane comes in)  It is so clean in here, you can eat off the tables.
Jane: Let’s not, Maura.
Maura: Bacterial Meningitis doesn’t survive it’s host’s death.

Maura: (to Susie as she’s leaving after delivering test results) Alex is very nice.
Susie: (walks back over, smiling) Yea he said the same about you.  He couldn’t believe how comfortable you were being naked around him.
Jane: Really?  He noticed? (look from Maura)
Susie: (hesitantly)  This might be a little too much information for my boss, but we met at a nudist retreat.
Maura: (surprised/intrigued)  Oh.
Susie: If you want to join us sometime…
Maura: (looks to Jane) Oh.  Many, illnesses, can be improved with nudity and some Vitamin D. (Jane rolls her eyes)  Psoriasis, for instance-- is there hiking?!
Jane: (in disbelief)  Hiking?!
Maura: (matter-of-factly) You’re less likely to contract Lyme Disease if you’re not wearing any clothing.
Jane: (patiently)  Thank you.  That sounds, heavenly, Susie.  We’ll let you know.  (Susie leaves)  Really?!  Aren’t you the one who was worried about stripping in front of your Morgue Tech?!
Maura: Well now that I know he’s a nudist…
Jane: Results… please?

Frost: Sooo Vince, how’d it go with Dayna?
Korsak: What’s that supposed to mean?
Frost: It means did you remember her?  (Jane laughs)
Korsak: Yea, we made love on the Interview Room table.
Frost: Whyyyy would you put that image inside my head?!

Frost: Go.  Take Korsak.  He needs a “minty frocap” after working up a sweat with that wife he couldn’t remember.

Tommy: Paternity Test came back…
Jane: And?
Tommy: (hesitates, emotional) He’s mine.
Frankie: Tommy’s a Baby Daddy!

Maura: Well she says she has a plan, she has a plan.
Jane: Yea but I think we all know about my mother’s “planning”.  It’s where Tommy got his “planning” abilities.
Maura: Well if it doesn’t work out you can always use Defense Condition 1.
Jane: Uh, it’s much cooler if you say “Def Con 1”.
Maura: (very seriously)  Def. Con. 1.
Jane: (patiently)  Much cooler.  (turns head wide-eyed)

Jane: No, this is very serious, Stanley.  I hope you have a very, VERY good legal team.  (Stanley puts head in hands exasperated, Jane and Korsak smirking and laughing) 
Stanley:  Division 1 Café was my life’s work!  You guys are like, you’re like family.
Jane: Family?!
Stanley:  Just like a real family, you don’t always like all your relatives.
Jane: Yea, I know exactly what you mean – ugh!  God, I wish there was something we could charge him with!
Stanley: What?!
Jane: You’re free to go.
Stanley: I am?!  (gets up to leave)
Korsak: On one condition.  Two conditions.  You give Mrs. Rizzoli a raise.  And you stop calling her (angry, growling voice)  “Rizzoli!”.

Jane: Hey, Frankie!  Come in here.  (to Frost)  Frankie can read lips.
Frost: Really?
Jane: Yea.  He spent a lot of time on the bench when he started Little League and reading coaches lips.
Frankie: (proudly)  Yea, I got really good at it.
Frost: Got really good at bench warming too, huh?
Jane: (swats Frankie’s arm)  Tell him.

Frankie: (reading lips of victim in video)  Uh, okay, he’s saying “I didn’t sign up for this”.
Jane: Didn’t sign up for what?
Frankie: Looks like he’s saying, “I didn’t know men in tights would kill people”.  (Frost & Jane shoot him looks) 
Frost: A-mazing.  How does he do it?!
Frankie: (intently watching video)  No.  “I didn’t know Mennonites would kill people”.
Frost: (mocking tone)  Well there’s a Mennonite killer out there--
Jane: (interrupting)  Not helping, Frost.

Maura: Hello Alex.
Alex: Dr. Isles.  Hey, Susie says you might be joining us camping.
Jane: Huh?!  No.  I can’t.  My skin burns so easily.
Maura: It does not.

Jane: Meningitis.  Oh my God.  Frankie wasn’t saying “men in tights” or “Mennonites”.  (quickly leaves lab)
Maura: (confused)  Jane?  Jaaane?

Frost: I’m still not getting how the men in tights, nites kill people, or what that has to do with you, Korsak.

Jane: It’s such a good thing that you lawyers keep such tidy records.

Lydia’s Mom: You think you’re gonna like being called “Grandma”?
Angela: By Tommy Junior?  Yea.  I think I’m gonna like it!

Jane: Can we get you something to drink?
Lydia’s Mom:  Water for me.  Which one of yous is the doctor?
Maura: (raising her hand)  I am.
Lydia’s Mom: I need that stuff that uh makes you sick if you drink.
Maura: Antebuse.  I can write you a prescription.
RizzIsles glance

Jane: If your arms get tired or you have to go to the bathroom or anything, I’d be happy to hold Tommy Jr.
Lydia: (passing baby to Jane)  TJ.  He likes it when you mush him against your breasts.
Tommy: I bet he does.  I still like that!
Frankie: Tommy!
Tommy: What?!

Maura: Shall we sit down and eat?
Lydia’s Mom: I never turn down a free meal.

Jane: (sarcastic, sing songy)  Think about how much fun we’re gonna have… Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years… (looks over at family, smiles)  TJ’s gonna be a Red Sox fan!
Maura: I’d like to teach him how to Fence.
Jane: Oh!  (fake enthusiasm)  If you do, I’ll teach him how to sew, and knit, and bead.
Maura: Really?!  I want to take classes with you!
Jane: Stop.
Maura: Why?!  It’d be so fun!
Jane: Can we please just get through this meal?!
(RizzIsles glances; bring food in to family)

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Monday, November 12, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.15 -- "Burning Down the House"


 Ep info coming soon!!

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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.14 -- "Don't Stop Dancing"


 Ep info coming soon!!

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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.13 -- "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet"


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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.12 -- "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"


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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.11 -- "Can I Get a Witness"


 Ep info coming soon!!

Gag Reel:

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