Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.11 -- "Class Action Satisfaction"


Case: A man eating at the BPD Café starts coughing up blood, then drops dead.  Maura, Jane and a Morgue Tech are exposed to poison and have to be temporarily quarantined.
RizzIsles: The whole family (Maura included!) are helping take care of Baby “TJ”; Jane wants to play a role in TJ’s life and promises to help Tommy if the baby turns out to be his.


Stanley: (on phone with 911 operator) Oh, so you come faster if it was a cop?!  No, it’s a fat guy!


Jane in PJs, leaning on Maura’s kitchen island, drinking coffee; Maura walks in wearing her PJs; Jane pushes a cup of coffee toward her
Jane: Drink.
Maura: Thank you.  (spits coffee back into cup)  Instant?!  You served me instant?!
Jane: I’m so tired you’re lucky I didn’t serve you Drano.


Tommy: Maura, you ready to swab me?
Jane: You two want some privacy?
Tommy: I’m gonna find out if this is my kid today.  Let’s do this.  Wait, is this gonna hurt?!
Jane: Oh my God, Tommy!  It’s a giant cotton swab.


Tommy: It’s weird that she’s so good with babies.
Maura: Yea, it is a little surprising.  Wasn’t it wonderful how we tag teamed the feedings all night?!  Baby elephants are raised by the female relatives in the herd… aunts, sisters, grandmothers.
Jane: Don’t repeat this cause I’ll deny it.  (in baby voice)  I wish we were elephants so we could keep him!


Jane: (checking her phone)  That doesn’t make any sense… suspicious death at the Division One Café?  I hope Ma’s alright… (trying to make a call)  It’s going straight to voicemail.  Maur, c’mon, we gotta go.
Maura: I’m in my Robe and you’re in your mother’s pajamas.
Jane: Yea, so?  We’ll change in the car.  C’mon.


Maura: I’m not sure.  The hymoptasis suggests all kinds of causes.
Stanley: We don’t even serve hymoptasis.
Maura: Hymoptasis simply means he coughed up blood.


Angela: Jane, he ordered the breakfast special… but he didn’t eat the turkey bacon.  Oh wait!  And he asked for ketchup.
Jane: (trying to be patient and sincere) Thank you, Ma.  That’s, that’s very helpful.


(Tommy tending to TJ; knock on the door; Tommy frantically runs to answer it – it’s Frankie)
Tommy: OH!  Thank God, Bro!  Thanks for coming.  (runs back over to baby)
Frankie: I gotta get back to work.  Is the baby ok?
Tommy: Yea.  I think so…
Frankie: You think so?
Tommy: I fell asleep on the couch.  He was sleeping on my chest.  Frankie, he rolled off.
Frankie: Oh my God.  (walks to look at baby)  Did he hit his head?
Tommy: He landed on a pillow.
Frankie: (annoyed) Oh Tommy! 
Tommy: I know!  What if he can never ride a bike now?!  God!  I can’t be a Dad!
Frankie: What?!
Tommy: (baby cries)  Now he hates me!  (knock on the door)  Oh crap!  What if the neighbors called Social Services?!
Frankie: Calm down, would ya?


Maura: Cuckoo Birds are host parasites.
Jane: You desperately need some sleep.
Maura: I’m thinking of creative child rearing solutions.
Jane: Okay, what do cuckoo birds do?
Maura: They lay their eggs in a host bird’s nest, and they let that bird raise the babies.  However, they first destroy the host bird’s eggs.
Jane: So all we’ll need to do is sneak into some nice family’s home, drop off TJ and get rid of the other kids.  (RizzIsles glance, Jane smirks)
Maura: (walking away)  Maybe elephants are a better example.


Maura: (looking into a bowl)  Oh!  Very nice.  (showing Jane)  Barely digested stomach contents.
Jane: Hm.  What is that, eggs?
Maura: (looking closer, impressed)  Good for you!  Yes!  (Jane smirks proudly)  Can you tell what that is?
Jane: Only if there’s a prize.  Pancake.
Maura: (aMAURAbly proud)  Oh!  Excellent!  Hmm… I wonder, what this is.  Smell it.  (points it toward Jane)
Jane: (moving away)  I’m good.
Maura: (smelling contents)  It’s a mint leaf.  And this is chocolate and this could be whipped cream.
Jane: Like from a milkshake?
Maura: (smells again)  No, it was a coffee drink.  Likely frozen.
Jane: But Ma doesn’t serve frozen, chocolate, minty cappuccinos.
Maura: Frappucino.  It’s a portmanteaux of frappe and cappuccino.
Jane: Do you ever worry that you’ll sound pretentious?
Maura: (straight faced, slightly confused at the question)  No.  What about Tank?
Jane: (throws head back, groaning)  God it’s gonna be a long day!
Maura: Another portmanteaux.  (Susie walks into lab)  Tommy plus Frank equals Tank.  (beaming with pride)
Jane: Hang on.  We’re being interrupted by something relevant (points to Susie).


Frost: Recognize anyone?
Korsak: She looks familiar, but can’t place her.
Woman: (stops walking, surprised/excited, smiles at Korsak, he nods, she walks over)  Vince!  (hands on his face, quickly pecks his lips)
Korsak: (surprised) Great seeing you too.
Woman: Oh, c’mon Vinny.  You really don’t recognize me?
Korsak: IIIIIIIII know we know each other…
Woman: (nodding)  We did.
Korsak: (shocked, recognition sets in, sits down slowly)  Oh God… Detective Frost, this is my 1st wife, Dayna.
Frost: Oh wow.  Hi.  Well.  How do you forget, your wife?
Dayna: It’s okay, it’s been a while.
Korsak: 40 years.
Dayna: And we were only married for 3 weeks.
Korsak: It was a year actually.  But I spent most of it in Vietnam.
Dayna: I still owe you an apology.
Korsak: Pffft.  No need.  It was so long ago… Dayna, we need your help.  (holds up picture of victim) 
Dayna: Phil.  Is he in trouble?
Korsak: He’s dead.


(Frost & Korsak leaving AA Meeting after talking to Dayna)
Korsak: (to Dayna)  Good to see you.  (Frost and Korsak leave)
Frost: Oh yea.  Really good… what was your name again?!


Jane: Maybe we should try to get him.
Maura: (stops talking in disbelief, serious stare at Jane, speaks with contempt)  You would like to raise TJ?
Jane: (innocently)  Sort of.  Yea.  (Off Maura’s glare)  I mean, not full time, just s-some of the time.  (Frankie rolls his eyes; Jane gets loud)  I don’t know!  We should tell Ma!


Frankie: You want me to look for half eaten eggs and pancakes?!  Are you kidding me?!  (Jane glares)
Maura: (looks at Jane, answers seriously) It doesn’t look like she is.


Jane: Okay.  Is that why you moved the bookshelf?!  So you could see all the dead bodies coming in??
Maura: Yes!  (flirty smile at guy wheeling in gurney)  Isn’t it convenient?!
Jane: (dryly)  Oh yes.  I’m forgetting all my troubles.


Maura: (signing for body delivery, smiles up at Morgue Tech, flirty)  I’m sorry.  I don’t recall your name.
Morgue Tech: Alex.  Alex Simmons.  I haven’t been doing many shifts lately.  …not since I started Medical School.  (RizzIsles glance/smirk)
Maura: Wonderful!  Congratulations!
Alex: Thank you.  It’s a lot of work, but it’s what I always wanted to do.  (Maura smiles and nods; Alex checks her out)  Dr. Isles, is that a Cassandra Strickenberg?  (Jane’s expression of disbelief and surprise)
Maura: (looks down at her outfit)  Uh, why yes it is.  How did you know?
Alex: The giveaway is the trumpleaux effect in the appliques.  Love the hand-stitching!  This is gorgeous fabric.  (RizzIsles *priceless* expressions)
Maura: With an eye like that, maybe you should’ve considered fashion design!
Alex: Actually, I love to sew.  I’m lucky… fine motor skills.  I also knit, crotchet and bead.
Jane: Bead.  Cool.  (Maura smirks at Jane)


Maura: (talking to herself about observations on body)  Oh no.  (taking gloves off, backing away from the table, speaks calmly)  I’m going to tell you both something very frightening.  I don’t want either of you to panic, alright?
Jane: (observing Maura’s actions, concern rising)  Maura, what is it?!
Maura: Hold your breath and move as fast as you can to the Crime Lab.  We have a Code Red.  (hits button on wall to sound alarm)  Go now!


Jane: Maura, I’m asking you to list the possibilities.  That’s not guessing.
Maura: Jane, try to stay calm.
Jane: I am calm!  It’s my imagination that’s hysterical.  Is it Ebola or Leprosy, or die-before-lunch syndrome?!
Maura: Ebola is a possibility.  So is SARS, Anthrax, Dengay Fever, West Nile Virus, drug-resistant Tuberculosis…


CDC Guy: Put your clothing in these bags, shower with the decontamination soap, change into the tyvex suit.
Maura: (quickly removes lab coat, moves to find a place to undress, whiny voice)  I only wore this Cassandra Stuckenberg once!
Alex: (sincerely)  Oh, how awful!
Jane: (sarcastically)  Yes, real tragedy.
Maura: You need to take a decontamination shower.  (Presses button on wall; shower head lowers)
Jane: Where’s the stall?!
Maura: Now is no time to be modest, Jane!  (3 of them start undressing)  The longer you delay, the higher chance you have of becoming infected.
Jane: (looks over at Alex undressing and yawning)  Well this is awkward. 
Alex: Sorry, Medical School.  I’m exhausted, it’s killing me.
Jane: (sees CDC Guys through window, moves things to block their view; Maura watches as she tries to hide under desk to undress)  What?!  (finishes shower, drying off with little towel)


Alex: (in Tyvex Suit, yawning, hands Jane package)  Want your Tyvex Suit now?
Jane: Yea.  I’d also like about a dozen more of these tiny towels.  (Alex yawns, walks away)  Okay.  (whisper yelling to Maura)  I am officially offended! 
Maura: (looking at computer)  Well this is interesting…
Jane: (wheels her blocking contraption toward Maura’s desk, hiding behind it)  What?!  That Alex fell asleep when I was naked?!
Maura: He’s obviously not into women!


Susie: (through window into quarantine room)  Alex!  Are you okay?!
Alex: (walks to window)  I’m fine, Babe.
Jane: (RizzIsles exchange surprised glance)  Oh, so he’s not into women?!
Maura: Hello?!  I’m the one who has to supervise him!  I did a strip tease in front of my Morgue Tech!
Jane: No worries.  He wasn’t watching!  (yells across room)  I didn’t know you two were together.
Susie: We’ve been keeping it a secret. (catches herself)  I hope that’s okay!  There’s no policy in place about dating co-workers.
Jane: Yea, no.  You can shower in front of them…  (fake laugh)


Maura: (to officer bringing clothes back in)  Captain Greene, you didn’t happen to keep the Cassandra Strickenberg, did you?  (confused glance from cop)  My skirt.
Captain Greene: Ah.  It was just about to be autoclipped.  I stopped it.
Maura: Thank you!  (excited, hugging bag)
Alex: (pats Captain on the shoulder, smiles)  Good job.
Jane: Yes, what a relief.


Maura: (sees Jane peeking into lab)  It’s safe.  (Jane comes in)  It is so clean in here, you can eat off the tables.
Jane: Let’s not, Maura.
Maura: Bacterial Meningitis doesn’t survive it’s host’s death.


Maura: (to Susie as she’s leaving after delivering test results) Alex is very nice.
Susie: (walks back over, smiling) Yea he said the same about you.  He couldn’t believe how comfortable you were being naked around him.
Jane: Really?  He noticed? (look from Maura)
Susie: (hesitantly)  This might be a little too much information for my boss, but we met at a nudist retreat.
Maura: (surprised/intrigued)  Oh.
Susie: If you want to join us sometime…
Maura: (looks to Jane) Oh.  Many, illnesses, can be improved with nudity and some Vitamin D. (Jane rolls her eyes)  Psoriasis, for instance-- is there hiking?!
Jane: (in disbelief)  Hiking?!
Maura: (matter-of-factly) You’re less likely to contract Lyme Disease if you’re not wearing any clothing.
Jane: (patiently)  Thank you.  That sounds, heavenly, Susie.  We’ll let you know.  (Susie leaves)  Really?!  Aren’t you the one who was worried about stripping in front of your Morgue Tech?!
Maura: Well now that I know he’s a nudist…
Jane: Results… please?


Frost: Sooo Vince, how’d it go with Dayna?
Korsak: What’s that supposed to mean?
Frost: It means did you remember her?  (Jane laughs)
Korsak: Yea, we made love on the Interview Room table.
Frost: Whyyyy would you put that image inside my head?!


Frost: Go.  Take Korsak.  He needs a “minty frocap” after working up a sweat with that wife he couldn’t remember.


Tommy: Paternity Test came back…
Jane: And?
Tommy: (hesitates, emotional) He’s mine.
Frankie: Tommy’s a Baby Daddy!


Maura: Well she says she has a plan, she has a plan.
Jane: Yea but I think we all know about my mother’s “planning”.  It’s where Tommy got his “planning” abilities.
Maura: Well if it doesn’t work out you can always use Defense Condition 1.
Jane: Uh, it’s much cooler if you say “Def Con 1”.
Maura: (very seriously)  Def. Con. 1.
Jane: (patiently)  Much cooler.  (turns head wide-eyed)


Jane: No, this is very serious, Stanley.  I hope you have a very, VERY good legal team.  (Stanley puts head in hands exasperated, Jane and Korsak smirking and laughing) 
Stanley:  Division 1 Café was my life’s work!  You guys are like, you’re like family.
Jane: Family?!
Stanley:  Just like a real family, you don’t always like all your relatives.
Jane: Yea, I know exactly what you mean – ugh!  God, I wish there was something we could charge him with!
Stanley: What?!
Jane: You’re free to go.
Stanley: I am?!  (gets up to leave)
Korsak: On one condition.  Two conditions.  You give Mrs. Rizzoli a raise.  And you stop calling her (angry, growling voice)  “Rizzoli!”.


Jane: Hey, Frankie!  Come in here.  (to Frost)  Frankie can read lips.
Frost: Really?
Jane: Yea.  He spent a lot of time on the bench when he started Little League and reading coaches lips.
Frankie: (proudly)  Yea, I got really good at it.
Frost: Got really good at bench warming too, huh?
Jane: (swats Frankie’s arm)  Tell him.


Frankie: (reading lips of victim in video)  Uh, okay, he’s saying “I didn’t sign up for this”.
Jane: Didn’t sign up for what?
Frankie: Looks like he’s saying, “I didn’t know men in tights would kill people”.  (Frost & Jane shoot him looks) 
Frost: A-mazing.  How does he do it?!
Frankie: (intently watching video)  No.  “I didn’t know Mennonites would kill people”.
Frost: (mocking tone)  Well there’s a Mennonite killer out there--
Jane: (interrupting)  Not helping, Frost.


Maura: Hello Alex.
Alex: Dr. Isles.  Hey, Susie says you might be joining us camping.
Jane: Huh?!  No.  I can’t.  My skin burns so easily.
Maura: It does not.


Jane: Meningitis.  Oh my God.  Frankie wasn’t saying “men in tights” or “Mennonites”.  (quickly leaves lab)
Maura: (confused)  Jane?  Jaaane?


Frost: I’m still not getting how the men in tights, nites kill people, or what that has to do with you, Korsak.


Jane: It’s such a good thing that you lawyers keep such tidy records.


Lydia’s Mom: You think you’re gonna like being called “Grandma”?
Angela: By Tommy Junior?  Yea.  I think I’m gonna like it!


Jane: Can we get you something to drink?
Lydia’s Mom:  Water for me.  Which one of yous is the doctor?
Maura: (raising her hand)  I am.
Lydia’s Mom: I need that stuff that uh makes you sick if you drink.
Maura: Antebuse.  I can write you a prescription.
RizzIsles glance


Jane: If your arms get tired or you have to go to the bathroom or anything, I’d be happy to hold Tommy Jr.
Lydia: (passing baby to Jane)  TJ.  He likes it when you mush him against your breasts.
Tommy: I bet he does.  I still like that!
Frankie: Tommy!
Tommy: What?!


Maura: Shall we sit down and eat?
Lydia’s Mom: I never turn down a free meal.


Jane: (sarcastic, sing songy)  Think about how much fun we’re gonna have… Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years… (looks over at family, smiles)  TJ’s gonna be a Red Sox fan!
Maura: I’d like to teach him how to Fence.
Jane: Oh!  (fake enthusiasm)  If you do, I’ll teach him how to sew, and knit, and bead.
Maura: Really?!  I want to take classes with you!
Jane: Stop.
Maura: Why?!  It’d be so fun!
Jane: Can we please just get through this meal?!
(RizzIsles glances; bring food in to family)














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Monday, November 12, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.15 -- "Burning Down the House"


Case:
RizzIsles:


 Ep info coming soon!!






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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.14 -- "Don't Stop Dancing"


Case:
RizzIsles:


 Ep info coming soon!!




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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.13 -- "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet"


Case:
RizzIsles:


 Ep info coming soon!!





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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.12 -- "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"


Case:
RizzIsles:


 Ep info coming soon!!







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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.11 -- "Can I Get a Witness"


Case:
RizzIsles:


 Ep info coming soon!!










Gag Reel:




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Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.10 -- "Remember Me"


Case: A man is killed in a prison bathroom right after being released on bail.  The investigation of his murder links to Charles Hoyt.
RizzIsles: Jane encounters her personal boogie man and finally gets rid of him once and for all; Maura tries to find the perfect birthday gift for Jane before the “Surprise” Party Angela is throwing.

Season 2 Summer Finale

 Quotes coming soon!



 








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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.09 -- "Gone Daddy Gone"


Case: A girl is killed by Paddy’s MO. and left on display at the docks
RizzIsles: Something seems to be developing between Maura and Tommy, and Jane isn’t happy about it; Maura is forced to give Paddy Doyle medical attention when he holds her and Tommy at gunpoint in her home; Jane tries to avoid sensitivity training


(Knocking on door to Maura’s house, Maura answers)
Jane: (in workout attire, fixing her pony tail; looks Maura up and down; shaking her head)  No.  No.  No no no no… did you forget?!
Maura: (in typical Maura clothes, frowning) Oh shoot.
Jane: Maura.  This crack-of-dawn run was your idea.  (frustrated) Damnit!  I coulda slept in.
Maura: I am so sorry.
Guy in background: Hey babe, once you touch it you gotta do something with it.
Jane: (shocked)  Babe?!  (walks in passed Maura, looks around wall and sees Tommy)  What’s Tommy doing here so early?
Maura: Not early so much as late.  He spent the night.  (Jane whips her head around to glare at Maura, stops in her tracks)  Playing Chess.  He’s quite good.  (moves passed Jane back to Tommy at table, addresses Tommy)  Sorry.  Knight to B3.
Tommy: Declining the gambit is a risky move.  (to Jane, childlike)  Morning, Sis.
Jane: (annoyed) I didn’t realize you two were so chummy.
Maura: Oh this isn’t chummy!  (serious tone, smiling at Tommy)  I’ve all but destroyed his King’s Pawn defense.
Tommy: (gritting his teeth, smiling) Whatever.
Jane: Oh, good for you.  (quickly)  Ma goes to Atlantic City for a few days now you’re sleepin over?
Tommy: Like she said, Jane.  We’re just, playing chess.  Best opponent I ever faced.
Maura: (smiling) Stop.
Jane: (answering ringing cell)  Rizzoli.  Yea, okay.  I’ll be right there.  (hangs up)  C’mon we got a possible homicide.  We gotta go.
Maura: (innocently) I’m about to castle and I, I haven’t been called in yet.  (moves Chess pieces, smiles; Tommy looks concerned; answers ringing cell phone)  Dr. Isles.  (whispering to Tommy as she gets up)  No moves without me.
Jane: (mocking Maura’s whisper to Tommy)  No moves at all.  Show yourself out.


Jane: (walking onto crime scene with Maura)  Do not sleep with my brother.
Maura: (offended)  What?!  Jane!  I hadn’t even occurred to me!  Though he does have exquisite long bones.  (smirking)
Jane: (making a disgusted face)  Long bones?!  Ew!!
Maura: Femur and tibia.  Look, it’s his mind that I find myself most attracted to.
Jane: (laughing)  He barely graduated high school.
Maura: Bobby Fisher was a high school dropout, and he’s a World-class Chess Champion.
Jane: Okay, so when Tommy becomes a World-class Chess Champion you can sleep with him.
Maura: (excited) Really?!
Jane: No.


(Jane gives instructions about crime scene to uniformed officer)
Officer: Okay.  (annoyed)  It’s Duncan by the way.
Jane: What?
Officer: My name.  Officer Ronald Duncan.  (walks away)
Jane: (annoyed to Korsak and Frost)  Did I say something wrong?
Korsak: People just like to be acknowledged, Jane.  Which reminds me--
Jane: No.  (walking around car at scene)
Korsak: Jane.  (following Jane around car)  Sensitivity Training is mandatory for the entire department and it’s incumbent on me to make sure that you attend.  I don’t want to pull rank--
Jane: We’re in the middle of a homicide investigation!  I don’t have time to go sit with some emo Nazi and have her tell me what I can or cannot say to all the low lifes, scumbags and gang bangers that I gotta deal with.
Frost: (laughing)  Nice.


Jane: (to Frost)  You wanna process the crime scene, I’m going to the docks.  (to Maura)  You, of course, are coming with me.
Maura: (protesting)  You know, I’m beginning to think that you are deliberately trying to take me away from my chess game.  (raises eyebrows, smiles sweetly)
Jane: (dry, obligingly)  Yes, Maura.  I am sabotaging your knight to queen castle thingy move.  (Maura nods along knowingly)  I. drove. you here.  (pointing at her car)
Maura: (conceding straight face)


Dock Worker: Hey baby, nice tits.
Jane: Oh yea, we’ve been waiting for you all our lives.  (walking away with Maura)  What does he think we’re gonna do?!  Run over there and tear off his clothes?
Maura: (serious science tone)  He’s not thinking naturally at all.  It’s a natural chemical response to our pheromones.
Jane: Really?  “Nice tits” is a natural, chemical response?
Maura: (smirking, laughing)  Perceived fertility is paramount.  Males seek mates capable of nursing offspring, abundant breasts do suggest…
Jane: Ya know what his abundant belly suggests?!  Snowball’s chance in hell!


Union Rep at Dock: (sleazy approach, checks out JaM)  What can I do for you lovely ladies?
Jane: That’s a doctor, I’m a detective and you are?


Union Rep (Murphy): I can tell ya she’s not one of the office girls.
Maura: (smirking)  It appears that all the girls here are over the age of 18.


Dock Worker: You’re a cop.  That’s a turn off.
Jane: Bummer.  Do you recognize her?  (holds up picture of girl)
Worker: MJ, yea.  She walked off the job half way through her shift yesterday.  Affirmative Action hires are bullshit.  No muscles, no use.
Maura: Actually male and female muscle tissue is identical.  What varies is the size of the male skeletal frame.  Men generally have less body fat.  (looking worker up and down, smirking)  But not always.


Maura: Whatever it is, I won’t be the one forensically interpreting it.  I’m calling in Dr. Pike from the Western Mass office.
Korsak: Oh no.  Anybody but him!  Don’t know what’s worse… his pompous attitude or his OCD.
Jane: That’s very insensitive language, Sergeant Korsak.  I’m sure language like that would really hurt Dr. Pike’s feelings.  (Korsak concedes, Jane addresses Maura)  C’mon, Maur.  You don’t have to do this.  Alright?  The only people who know about your connection to Doyle are us and Frost.
Maura: We may finally be able to prosecute Paddy Doyle for murder.  I don’t want to risk a Defense Attorney finding out that he’s my biological father and using it against us in court. 
Jane: What are you gonna tell Pike?
Maura: I don’t have to tell him anything.  I’m his boss.


Korsak: He’s right ya know.  Longshoremen won’t talk.  Goes against their code.  Remember that line from “Along the Waterfront”?  (mock Brando voice)  I don’t know nuthin.  I ain’t see nuthin and I ain’t sayin nuthin.
Jane: (eyes closed, annoyed)  Here’s the deal.  I’ll do Sensitivity Training.  You don’t do Brando.


Jane: (annoyed to Pike)  When will you be STARTING?!
Pike: (coldly)  Momentarily.  It seems not much stock is placed in the proper placement of instruments here.
Jane: (to Maura)  You gonna let him talk to you like that?
Pike: (muttering)  This is ridiculous!
Jane: You’re his boss.  (nods toward Pike)
Maura: Is there something particular that you require, Doctor?
Pike: Yes.  Organization.


Jane: (follows Maura to her office, sees her looking at articles about Paddy)  Don’t let that idiot get to you.
Maura: (softly)  Can’t fault him for telling the truth.  Paddy Doyle is a butcher.
Jane: Paddy Doyle has nothing to do with you.
Maura: He fathered me.
Jane: He simply provided the sperm.  (Maura tilting her head, returning to screen)  Alright?  And judging by the amazing person you turned out to be, his DNA didn’t win.


Maura: I don’t understand the strategy behind this attack.
Jane: Well it’s simple.  Doyle is just trying to scare the hell out of anybody who won’t do his bidding at the docks.
Maura: No, I meant Tommy’s (typing) decision to move his rook to B5.
Jane: (walking around desk to see computer)  Wait a minute.  My little brother is IMing you at the office and sending you little smiley faces and there’s nothing going on between you two?!
Maura: (defensively)  Well you and I keep in touch throughout the day. 
Jane: It must be my amazing long bones.  (elevator dings, Jane goes on high alert, ducking behind Maura)  Mm.  Ehmh.  (darts behind Maura’s office door to hide, Maura looks on confused)
Maura: Wha--
Jane: Ssh!!
Woman: (knocks, then walks into Maura’s office)  I hope you can forgive me for my invasion of your personal space.  Allow me to introduce myself so we can dialogue.  (Jane behind door, rolls her eyes)  My name is Carol Madigan, Sensitivity Training Liaison. 
Maura: (understanding, smiles and stands)  Dr. Maura Isles.  (shakes Carol’s hand)  How may I help you?
Carol: I’m looking for Detective Rizzoli.  Who I’m told is here, although she’s scheduled to be in my Connect, Protect and Respect class.  Ya seen her?
Maura: (straight faced, half smile)  I believe she is in the building.  But, I, uh, don’t see her, right now.  (smiling)
Carol: (seriously)  Tell her I’m lookin for her.
Korsak: (walking into Maura’s office from lab)  Where’s Jane?
Jane: (coming out from behind door)  You sick (Korsak jumps, hand quickly goes to his hip then down) that sensitivity freak on me?!
Maura: (laughing)  Freak?!  Maybe you do need sensitivity training.


Jane: (sarcastically sweet)  Great work, Sergeant Detective Korsak.  I think we should investigate, but what do you think?  (Korsak rolls his eyes, Maura smiles)


(Maura at her desk, smiling, looking at computer screen)
Pike: Dr. Isles?
Maura: Yes?
Pike: (holding up petri dish)  Discovered in the victim’s stomach contents.  Micro SD card.
Maura: (looking at petri dish)  It’s from a camera.
Pike: Video, my guess.  Must have swallowed it just before she was killed.  And I bet Paddy Doyle wanted it. 
Maura: (annoyed)  That sounds very much like an assumption.
Pike: Think there’s a drug deal on it?  (tapping dish, Maura looks up wide-eyed, annoyed) A murder?
Maura: (slowly)  I don’t know.  Nor is it within our purview to guess.  (hands dish back to Pike, returns to her chair)  Please take this to Detective Frost up in Homicide.
Pike: Arguably the most important find against a notorious mobster and I’ll be credited with it all because you needed help.  Funny, huh?
Maura: (tight lipped, annoyed, sighs)  Good night, Doctor.  (leaves, Pike hesitates, eyes Maura’s chair, starts to sit down, Maura returns)  Please don’t sit in my chair.  (gives stern look, leaves again)


Maura: (seductively, smooth)  I’m very intrigued by the assertiveness of your play. 
Tommy: (smiling, smoothly)  Just givin what I’m getting.
Maura: (smirks, moves a chess piece, looks up seductively)  And what does that tell you?
(Someone breaks through door behind Tommy; Tommy jumps up and goes to Maura)
Man: (yelling)  He needs a doctor!  (pointing gun at Tommy and Maura)  Now!
Tommy: My god, that’s Paddy Doyle.
Maura: (angry)  I know who he is.


Paddy: He your boyfriend?
Maura: (angry, cold)  You’re holding me hostage.  You think you have any right to ask me personal questions?!


Tommy: (brining water and towels to Maura)  How the hell do you know this guy anyway?
(Maura and Paddy exchange glance)
Paddy: I’m her father.


Jane: (seeing Officer Duncan walk in)  Oh yay.  Officer helpful is back.  (to Duncan)  Hey, thanks for bringing that up.  A battery probably isn’t going to help with the investigation so you can just take that down to evidence.
Duncan: (annoyed, slams battery onto desk, Jane looks up)  It’s not in my job description to bust my balls for Homicide. (leaves)
Jane: (to Korsak)  Why doesn’t HE have to take sensitivity training?
Korsak: He already did.
Jane: Works wonders.


Jane: So you coulda been a Longshoreman?
Korsak: More than that (mock Brando voice) I coulda been a contender.
Jane: Stop.  (walks away)
Korsak: (following, still mocking Brando) Instead of a bum, which is what I am.


(Paddy passed out on Maura’s couch; Tommy and Maura restrained at table)
Tommy: You alright?
Maura: (breathless)  Fine.
Tommy: So were you adopted or something? 
Maura: Yes.
Tommy: How long’d you know you were related to him?
Maura: Not long.  (looks down to chess game)  Bishop to D7 captures the rook.  Check.
Tommy: It’s okay.  We don’t need to talk about it.


Paddy: You look a lot like your mother.
Maura: Who is my mother?
Paddy: You would like her.  She would like you.
Maura: Did she love you?
Paddy: She did.  But you would still like her.


Dock Worker: Oh!  Look who’s back!  Bet you want somea’ this!  (grabs crotch)
Korsak: Oh get your hands off your junk!  This Detective here’s a lady!  (Jane smirks at Korsak)  What?!
Jane: (southern Belle voice)  Thank you, kind sir, for defending my honor.
Korsak: No, I merely defended an individual who happens to be female from an inappropriate harasser who happens to be male.


(Dock Worker comes up behind Jane, grabs her ass)
Jane: (angry, grabbing hand on her ass)  Who’s hand is this?!  Because I found it on my ASS.
Worker: I got one more where that came from.
Jane: (seductively)  Do you?
Worker: Yes.
Jane: Cause here’s what I got… (twists his arm, brings him to his knees)
Worker: Hey!  Let go!  Freaking lezzie.
Korsak: What the hell happened?!
Jane: (calmly)  What?  He grabbed my ass.
Korsak: This scumbag had the nerve to put his filthy hands on you?!
Worker: Just one.
Korsak: (cuffing worker)  That’s all I need to take you in, you dumb son-of-a-bitch.


Jane: (seeing Pike arrive at new crime scene)  Aww what the hell is Pike doing here?!
Pike: Detectives.
Jane: Where’s Dr. Isles?
Pike: I have no idea, nor do I understand your question’s relevance given our nearly identical credentials.
Jane: Just tell us what you’re doin here.
Pike: Dr. Isles was, unreachable.
Jane: (fearful, to Frost)  Frost.
Frost: Yea, I got it.  Go.
(Jane runs off scene)
Pike: It’s discrimination pure and simple.  Governor felt he needed to “appoint a woman”.  Once again I’m penalized for being a white male.
Frost: (gives him a look)  Don’t even.  (walks away)


(Maura’s cell phone ringing)
Maura: That’s probably Jane.
Paddy: Let it go.  (Goon helping him off the couch)
Maura: Why did you even come here?!  You could have paid off any number of doctors for treatment. 
Paddy: But they wouldn’t have been you.
Maura: (angry) Is that supposed to warm my heart?  Because it DOESN’T.  I’ve seen what you’re capable of.  I saw what you did to that young woman.
Paddy:  I didn’t do anything to her.  I don’t kill women, or children, or anyone who doesn’t deserve it.
Maura: (angry)  So even you have standards?!
Paddy: Regardless of what you think of me, Maura.  In my world, I’m a man of honor, and of my word.  I’m being framed.  (walking toward door)
Maura: (considering, responds coldly)  I don’t believe you.
Paddy: You’re the Chief Medical Examiner.  Use your science.  It will tell you if I’m guilty or not.  (leaving)
Maura: Where you going?
Paddy: To finish what someone else started.


(Jane enters Maura’s open front door, gun out)
Maura: Jane!
Jane: Where is he?  Where’s Doyle?
Maura: Gone!  15 minutes ago.
Jane: (puts gun away, grabs scissors)  Paddy was shot, right?
Maura: A bullet through his clavicle.  He lost a lot of blood but his injuries weren’t life threatening.  (Jane cuts Tommy and Maura’s arms free)  How’d you know?
Jane: Because I just came from a crime scene where his top Lieutenant wasn’t so lucky.  (cuts legs free) 
Maura: Do you know what happened? 
Jane: No, but for Paddy Doyle to take a bullet.  Someone he trusted must’ve given him up.  (looking around house)  God it looks like an ER in here!
Tommy: (angry)  Maura had to fix him at gunpoint.
Maura: He told me that the shooting was over business.
Jane: So what?  (still squatting in front of Maura)  So Melissa’s murder was under the category of pleasure?
Maura: No, he denied the killing.  He says somebody was trying to frame him.   (Jane looks to Tommy)  That he doesn’t kill women or children or innocents.
Jane: Of course he told you that, Maura.  He’s not going to confess to the one person in the world who he gives a damn about. 
(Maura is visibly upset: leans back, closes her eyes and puts her head in her hand, gets up, takes a few steps, hands on hips)
Tommy: A Mob Boss like Paddy Doyle couldn’t rule the streets this long just on fear.  He lives by a code that’s why he has respect.
Jane: (annoyed, getting up)  You finished?
Tommy: He has a heart, Jane.  (angry)  I’m serious.  You didn’t see the way he looked at her.  (Jane walks to Maura, rubs her back)  He may be a bad guy but he loves his daughter.


Jane: (seeing Duncan with more evidence)  Oh, God.  Can somebody please sign for this?!
Frost: And torture the poor guy?!  He’s here for you Jane.
Jane: (disbelief, defensive)  No he’s not.
Korsak: Oh yes he is.
Jane: This guy hates me.  I’ll show you.  (turning around to Duncan, smiles) 
Duncan: (avoiding eye contact)  On your desk, Rizzoli?
Jane: Uh, no.  I’ll take it, but thank you, (takes box) very much.  Officer Duncan.  (smiling)  Thanks.
Duncan: (smiling)  Actually, this is kinda heavy.  (grabs end of box back)  I can take it down to Evidence for ya if you want.
Jane: It’s okay.  (smiling, pulling box back, Duncan and Jane struggle over box)  I got it.  Thank you.  (turns back to her desk, he doesn’t move, turns back smiling)  Thank you.  (Duncan walks into board as he turns to leave)
Korsak: (laughing)  See?!
Frost: (laughing)  Love.
Jane: Stop.  Shut up.


Maura: Dr. Pike.  I looked through your report on Melissa Joy Black.  I didn’t see a reference to an examination of the victim’s teeth or gums.
Pike: Cause of Death was quite clear, as is my report.  (packing his belongings)  I didn’t feel the need to floss her bones.
Maura: Specifically I am concerned about the post mortem bruising around the victim’s mouth.  (opens file to show)  Here and here. 
Pike: Mhm.  Which I noted on page 27.
Maura: (smiling, annoyed)  But, um it suggests that the perpetrator applied force against the victim’s mouth during the attack.
Pike: And what’s your point?
Maura: Detective Rizzoli’s investigation indicated that this was a very brave young woman; going undercover on her own.
Pike: I don’t make my rulings based on a victim’s personality traits.  (grabs suitcase to leave)
Maura: (moving to block his path, smiling)  Neither do I.  But I would consider such a woman may have bitten her killer.  I want to see the body.
Pike: Already released to the funeral home per her family’s request. (starts to leave again)
Maura: (angry)  Without my approval?!
Pike: I’m a Medical Examiner too.
Maura: (angry) No you are an ASSISTANT Medical Examiner.  You work for me, Dr. Pike.
Pike: It figures that someone like you would try and pull rank.  I went to Harvard, ya know that.
Maura: (stepping toward Pike, raised finger, angry)  Shut it!  Or I will assign you to a town that will make Western Mass feel like Paris.  You have one hour to get that body back.  Understand?!
Pike: Yes, Doctor.
(Maura gives him annoyed look, walks away)


Jane: (to Dock Worker) Nice moobs.
Korsak: Moobs?
Jane: Yea, man boobs.


Jane: (swatting Korsak)  That’s why you been all over this?!  So you could get an extra day off?!
Korsak: I also happen to feel very strongly about the teaching of tolerance.
Carol: Really?!  Because I just got out of a half hour meeting with Mr. Dwyer who’s lodging a formal complaint about the abusive treatment he received while in custody.  Did you tell Mr. Dwyer. he had moobs?
Jane: (glancing at smirking Korsak)  Yes.  Yes I did.  And, I am completely ashamed by the cruelty of my words.  (look of disbelief from Korsak)  It was inappropriate, and unkind and insensitive.  No charges will be filed, Mr. Dwyer, and, and I do hope that you can accept my sincerest apologies.
Dock Worker/Dwyer: (shrugging, confused)  I, I guess so.
Jane: I do have every intention of completing my Sensitivity Training ASAP. 
Carol: Thank you, Detective.
Jane: Now, if you’ll excuse us we are in pursuit of a suspect.
Carol: Oh, of course.
Jane: (on elevator with Korsak) Take care.
Korsak: Quite a performance.
Jane: Incredibly sensitive, dontcha think?  (smirking)


Jane: Hey Ma!  How was your trip?
Angela: (unpacking suitcase in kitchen)  Aw, I lost 85 bucks on the nickel slots.  But look at all this really great stuff I got!  (gesturing to stuff on island)
Angela: Hey!  Anybody need a robe?!  (Maura raises eyebrows, shakes head)
Jane: Ma.  (grabbing airplane bottle of liquor)  Did you take this from the little fridge?
Angela: They refill it, Jane.
Jane: This isn’t free, Ma.  They’re gonna charge your credit card.
Angela: (annoyed)  I paid $109 a night for that room.  (Jane rubs her temples)  Really?!  I’m gonna send it back.
Jane: (holding up certificate)  Four hours of Sensitivity Training, and I passed with flying colors.
Maura: (laughs)  Congratulations.
Tommy: Learn anything?
Jane: Yes.  I am an equal opportunity offender.
Angela: (holding up hair dryer)  Okay, are they gonna charge me for this?!
(Maura laughs in the background)


Jane: (answers ringing cell)  Hello?
Paddy Doyle: Detective Rizzoli.
Jane: How did you get this number?
Paddy: I’m one of the new guys compared to this new way of doing business.  (Maura stands, walks to Jane to listen to call)  I know you know that.
Jane: I’m not sure I do.  Where are you?
Paddy: You know I’m not telling you.
Jane: Well that’s too bad.  Why don’t you tell me about Melissa Joy Black?
Paddy: Back when I ran the docks, we didn’t kill women, or hurt hard working people like her father Richie.  (shows Richie’s other daughter opening an envelope filled with cash)
Jane: That was ruled an accident.
Paddy: Yea.  Check the DNA on the blood/alcohol test they said was Richie’s.  Take care of my daughter.
Maura: I can take care of myself.  (to Jane)  Hang up.
Jane: I do think he loves you.
Maura: Doesn’t mean I have to love him back.


Angela: (yelling)  What happened to the door?!
Jane: Tommy forgot his keys.
Angela: Tommy, you know better than that!
Jane: (walking to Tommy and Maura’s chess game)  Uh, I might make a suggestion.  (moves chess pieces, smirks)  Checkmate.
Maura: (approaches, surprised)  You know how to play chess?!
Jane: Yea.  Who’dya think taught him?  Tommy’s not the only Rizzoli with a beautiful mind.








Gag Reel:



GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.08 -- "My Own Worst Enemy"


Case: An older man is killed after him and his son are mugged leaving a restaurant
RizzIsles: A mysterious man from Maura’s past randomly shows up; Jane is hurt that Maura is being very secretive about him; Jane has a foot injury and keeps limping around,


Maura: (knock on her front door, looks through window)  Ian?!  Oh my god!  (opens the door)
Ian: Hello there.  (slowly enters, throws bag down)
Maura: (gazing lustfully, jumps to straddle him, kissing)  What if I had someone here?
Ian: Do you?
Maura: No.
Ian: We’re in luck then.  (kissing, keeping Maura close against him, walks to couch and lays her down under him)
Maura: Where have you been?
Ian: I’m here now. (resume making out on the couch)


(At a crime scene, Jane is sitting on hood of squad car examining her foot; She quickly puts her boot on and limps toward Korsak when he calls)
Korsak: (explains scene they’re entering) Are you limping?
Jane: What?  No. (tries to walk normal)


Jane: (talking about case, interrupts herself)  Where is Maura?!
Korsak: Can’t do this without your b-f-f?
Jane: Not when she’s the Chief Medical Examiner.  No.


(Jane pulls out her cell to make a call)
Korsak: Dispatch has already called Dr. Isles.
Jane: Nah, I know.  I’m gonna call the CI.  He knows this neighborhood real well.  (Cell phone rings in the crowd playing music: “You are the one I waited for…”)
Rondo: (answering phone) Hello Vanilla.  (waves from the crowd)
Korsak: (muttering and walking away)  This freaking guy.
Jane: (to officer guarding police line) It’s okay, he’s with us.  C’mon Rondo.  Step this way.  (guiding him to the side by his elbow)
Rondo: I will step anywhere you tell me to step, Vanilla.  You are looking today, I tell you what girl.  I like it when you hold me tight.
Jane: C’mon, stop it.  This isn’t a date.  Okay, I need some information.
Rondo: I have lots of information.  (looking Jane up and down) And I know how to treat a lady right.
Jane: (through gritted teeth, rolling her eyes) Shut. Up.


(Maura struts on to crime scene flustered)
Maura: Hi.
Jane: Where ya been?
Maura: Uh, bed.
Jane: You okay?
Maura: (beaming, breathless) Yea.  Why?
Jane: Cause you’re wearing two different shoes!  (giggling)  You are so not feeling okay.
Maura: (quickly) I got dressed in the dark.  What about you?  You’re limping.
Jane: Oh no I’m not.
Maura: Yes you are.  You know why??  Because you buy your boots a half size too small.
Jane: No I don’t!
Maura: You stomp.
Jane: I do not stomp.
Maura: (head tilt, smile)


(Next morning, in Maura’s kitchen; Ian is making tea)
Maura: (hugging Ian, looking up at him expectantly, speaking breathlessly)  Why don’t you ever tell me when you’re coming?
Ian: Because I never know if I am…
(Key sound in the door, Maura pulls back)
Maura: Oh, that’s Jane’s mother.
Ian: Should I hide?
Maura: Uh, no.  Just say that we’re colleagues.  (smirking)  I don’t want to have to explain you.
Ian: I’m hard to explain.


Angela: (reading) If you’re a busy, unorganized professional.
Ian: Oh you mean like Dr. Isles here?  (Maura shoots him a look, smiles at Angela)
Angela: (reading) Are you ready to conquer the clutter?!  (pan around incredibly clean, organized house)  Yea, well, um, I’m just gonna check yes.
(Ian and Maura exchange a quick warm glance)


(New crime scene; Uniform is patting down Rondo)
Rondo: I’m tellin ya.  I’m the one that called it in.
Uniform: He says he’s with a Detective Vanilla.
Korsak: I can’t imagine why you didn’t believe him.
Jane: It’s alright.  He’s with me sir.
Rondo: (regarding Korsak) He gotta be here?
(Jane smirks)
Korsak: He does.
Jane: Talk.


Jane: (limping into Morgue) Hm, we’re feeling better… your shoes match. (smiling)
Maura: (smiling) I was just tired last night.  You’re still limping.  (Jane groans, Maura grabs her phone to reply to a message, smiling)
Jane: (smiling) Who’s that?
Maura: Not important.
Jane: Hm. Oh, okay.  Well can we go out on a limb and say this junkie OD’d?
Maura: (brightly) Yes!
Jane: Really?!
(talking about the case, Maura’s phone vibrates again, she puts it in her pocket without looking)
Jane: Well you didn’t even read it that time.
Maura: It’s nothing.  (goes back to case file)
Jane: (smiling) You’re in a weird mood.
Maura: No.  I’m not.  (back to reading file)
Jane: Okay.  (phone vibrates, checks message)  Oh.  I gotta go talk to my CI.  Wanna grab a coffee afterwards?
Maura: (smiling to herself) No, I already had tea.
Jane: Oh.  (hesitates, confused, leaves)


Angela: Did you meet Dr. Isles’ new hunk?
Jane: (conspiratorially)  What?!
Angela: Ian?  They think I was born yesterday.  He spent the night.
Jane: Ma, that’s really none of your busin-- Ian spent the night?!
Angela: Mmhm.  Didn’t she tell you??
Jane: (slight hesitation) Um yea.  Yes.  Okay thanks.  (leaves counter with coffee)


Rondo: I got you on speed dial, Vanilla.


(Talking about case in the lab; Maura’s phone vibrates, she looks quickly then puts it back down)
Jane: (teasing tone)  Is that Ian?
Maura: (quickly glances to others around, gathers materials to move to morgue) Uh, let’s go and take a look at the victim’s nails.
Jane: (rolling her eyes)  Oh, lets.
Maura: (walking passed Jane holding morgue door, speaks dryly) Yes it was Ian.  Just an old friend.  (examines victim’s fingers)  His cuticles have never been cut.  I’d say he’s never had a manicure.
Jane: You don’t have to tell me about Ian.  (Maura looks up at Jane)  It’s none of my business.
Maura: I’m not not telling you about him.  (shrugs)  He just stopped by this morning.  (looks down)
Jane: (looking to the side, not directly at Maura)  I heard he stopped by last night.  (quick glance at Maura)
Maura: (stuttering, uncomfortable) Uh, um, he lives in Africa.  It’s um.  It’s complicated.
Jane: (short) Okay.  (shrugs, starts to walk away slowly)  Uh, let me know if you find anything else (exaggerated) in the case as long as it’s not complicated.  I mean, who am I to help you with your complicated love life?!
Maura: Jane.  (grabs phone, walks to Jane)
Jane: (stops walking, waits; Maura stops to smile at her phone as she reads/replies to messages; Jane rolls her eyes and starts to walk away again)  Good bye.  Have a fabulous time reading your, love texts in private.
Maura: (glancing up quickly)  No, Jane.  Jane wait.  Wait.  It’s nothing.  (Jane stops)  It’s nothing.  Look.  (hands Jane her cell)
Jane: (reading slowly) Ahunay ee tee pia.  Wessette ab bur-- (annoyed, hands phone back to Maura)
Maura: (school girl smile)  He just said, um, guess what we’d be doing if we were in Ethiopia right now.
Jane: That doesn’t sound complicated.  (Maura continues smiling, reading and replying; Jane gets annoyed) I killed Korsak with your scalpel.  (Maura laughs at her phone)  I contaminated all your DNA samples.  (Maura continues smiling at phone)  I snuck into your closet and put all your shoes in different boxes.
Maura: (head snapping up)  What?!
Jane: Never mind.  (walks away)
Maura: No, Jane!  Wait.  Wa-wait, I’m sorry.  Let me at least take a look at your foot.
Jane: Oh no!  I don’t think we’re close enough for that anymore.
Maura: Please??  I’m, I’m sorry.  Okay?  Look.  (makes show of putting phone off to the side, gestures for Jane to sit in seat)
Jane: (sitting)  You’ll be really sorry when my toe kills me.  (removes boot and sock; takes deep breath, puts foot up to Maura.)  Okay.  Don’t touch it.  (Maura touches it) Ow!!  (through gritted teeth)  Maura.
Maura: (carefully)  Okay.  You have acute anickocryptosis. 
Jane: Do I need to update my will?
Maura: In grown toenail.  You need a minor procedure.
Jane: Okay.  You do it.
Maura: Me?  I don’t do surgery.
Jane: It’s not a kidney transplant, Maura.  Just do it.
Korsak: (enters morgue, sees RizzIsles with Jane’s foot in Maura’s hand, shakes his head)  Not gonna ask.


(Knocking on door)
Maura: (opens door, smirking, accusatory)  What are you doing here?
Jane: (limping) My toe.  It’s killing me.
Maura: Unless it’s given you a staph infection, it’s hardly killing you.
Jane: (starts to protest, stops when she sees Ian closing boxes on dining room table)  Oh, I’m so sorry to barge in.  (smirking)
Maura: No, that’s okay.
Ian: (walking over, hand extended)  Hi.  You must be Jane Rizzoli.  Let me get you a glass of wine.
Jane: Okay.  Thank you.  You must be Ian.
Maura: Jane needs a phenylization procedure.
Ian: Oh!  Then you’ll want a lot of wine.  I better open another bottle.  (walks away)
Maura: (amused)  Did you come over here to check up on me?
Jane: Oh yea.  I rubbed bad germs all over my ingrown toenail so I could spy on you.
Ian: Uh, Maura.  I can’t find the corkscrew.
Maura: (to Jane)  Your mother has been doing some organizing for me.  (gestures to cabinets)  
Jane: Ugh.  Can’t she find a slob-- (horrified, notices printed labels on all cabinets and drawers) to. bother.  I’m so sorry!
Maura: That’s okay.  (digging through drawers)  She alphabetized everything so now corkscrew is next to the chopsticks.  (smile)
Ian: Let me see that foot while I open the wine.
Jane: (hesitant, confused)  Okay.  (boosts herself onto island)
Ian: What can I use to do the procedure?
Jane: (protesting)  I thought was gonna do it.  (desperately glances at Maura)
Maura: Uh Ian is much more qualified.  (smiles, moves to find something)  I just got a new pair of carbon steel pruning sheers.  (quick pan to Jane’s terrified smile)  But would that be under C or F?  Uh, P!  Guess that makes sense.  P for pruning. (reassuring smile, hands tool to Ian)
Ian: Thank you.
Jane: What are you gonna cut off my toe?!
Ian: Pretty much the same tool the podiatrists use.  (sterilizing tool with lighter, Jane looks on wide-eyed, chugs her wine)


Ian: Okay.  This is going to feel a little bit cold.  (sprays topical anesthetic on Jane’s foot)
Jane: (jumps, pulls foot back, trying to speak calmly)  OOOOkay.  That’s fine.  (Maura smirks)
Ian: Oh and I’m gonna need a toothpick too.
Jane: What?!  What for?!  (Maura smirks and walks away)


Jane: (sitting in café doing paperwork, spots delivery boy with basket)  Oh, hey.  You lookin for Dr. Maura Isles?  Give it to me.  I’ll take it to her.
Angela: (grabs card from basket)
Jane: Maa!
Angela: What?  It’s from Ian.
Jane: (looking at basket)  Wow.  Two buck chuck and 3 rolls of toilet paper.  Romance lives.
Angela: She’s more secretive about this one, isn’t she?
Jane: (doing paperwork)  No.  Yes. 
Angela: Hurts your feelings that she’s not confiding in you.  (Jane softly looks up at Angela)  I’m sorry sweetheart.
Jane: I don’t care.  Ya know.  I don’t need to know every detail of her personal life.
Angela: But she usually tells you.
Jane: (shrugs)  Yea.
Angela: He seems charming.  But ya know, those are the ones you have to worry about.
Jane: I got a really weird vibe from him.  He was unpacking boxes and then when he saw me he just closed them all up.
Angela: That’s your cop gut.  Maybe he’s a criminal.
Jane: (rolls her eyes)  I don’t know.
Angela: Well he is Australian.  Aren’t they all descended from crooks?
Jane: (laughs)  Ma, that was like 200 years ago and I don’t think we can hold that against him.
Angela: Ya know.  While I’m in there organizing, I can poke around.
Jane: Please don’t do that.
Angela: I hear you loud and clear.  You need deniability. 
Jane: (sternly)  Ma.  No.  (Angela holds her hands up in surrender and walks away)  Nooo!!  (seeing Maura walk into headquarters)  Maura!  (grabs stuff and runs to her)  Maura!
Maura: (smiling, laughing)  That must be from Ian. 
Jane: Ian really knows how to woo a girl
Maura: When we did relief work in Ethiopia we’d talk about what we’d give for some cheap wine and toilet paper.
Jane: How come you never told me about him?
Maura: I’m sure I have.  You must have forgotten.  Thanks for this.  (gets on elevator) 


(In Morgue with Maura about to autopsy a rat)
Jane: Maybe you should do an autopsy.
Maura: Technically it’s called a necropsy.
Jane: Well let’s not tell the tax payers what we do with their tax dollars.
(Cart with a bunch of boxes is rolled into morgue)
Jane: (boot off, rubbing her toe)  What is that?!
Maura: Supplies.
Jane: For Ian?
Maura: Yes, for Ian.  Who fixed your toe.  How is your toe?
Jane: How is your conscience?
Maura: Excuse me?  (continues working)
Jane: What are you doing?!  Who is this guy?!  Why are you being so weird?
Maura: Why are you turning into a snoopy dog?
Jane: Do you mean Snoop Dogg or Snoopy THE Dog?  Either way I’m insulted.
Maura: Too insulted to find out what killed your rats?
Jane: Okay that is so not fair.


Angela: Jane!  Ian is a spy.
Jane: What’d you do, Ma?
Angela: I found passports from different countries, all with his photo and um, (digging into top of her shirt, grabs piece of paper) and all with different names.  (hands Jane paper)
Jane: You shouldn’t have done this, Ma.


Jane: (quickly as heading out to pursue a suspect) Speaking of hiding.  Ian is wanted for questioning by Interpol for smuggling drugs.
Maura: You’ve been investigating me.
Korsak: (from down the hall) Jane!
Jane: I’m coming!  (runs out, Maura is clearly angry)


(knocking on door, Maura answers)
Jane: Hi. 
Maura: (softly, strained)  Hi.
Jane: (concerned)  You okay?  (Maura shakes her head, holding back tears, walks toward dining room; Jane walks in behind her unsure and hesitant)  Where’s Ian?
Maura: (heavy sigh, looks down, sits at counter)  He’s gone.  I harbored a fugitive.  So, go ahead and arrest me.
Jane: I’m sorry.
Maura: Because you won’t be able to arrest him?
Jane: (takes a second to take in Maura’s appearance, hands her a tissue)  Man, you got it bad.
Maura: (crying)  You know when people talk about the loves of their lives?  That’s Ian.
Jane: (softly) You never ever mentioned him.
Maura: Cause I try to forget him. 
Jane: I’m sorry Maura.  I shouldn’t have done what I did.  It’s none of my business.
Maura: (shifting in her seat)  I just, I can’t… I can’t talk about him.  I can’t.  With anybody… because it makes me so sad.  How can you-- How can you love someone and not be able to be with them?
Jane: Why can’t you be with him?
Maura: He went back to Africa.
Jane: You can go to Africa.
Maura: (shakes her head, sighs)  His crime is risking his life to bring drugs and basic supplies to places nobody cares about.  And I helped him, so, go ahead and arrest me.
Jane: (smiles sweetly, looks around kitchen shocked and appalled)  The first person I’m gonna arrest is my mother!  What?!  Really?!  High ball glasses?!  (Maura smiling)  When was the last time you had a high ball?!  C’mon.
Maura: (sipping from a shot glass)  She rearranged my closet too.
Jane: No.  Not the closet.
Maura: She threw away my shoe boxes.
Jane: Oh no.  That is a crime.  Sorry.  (hands Maura another tissue)  Want me to take you to the airport?
Maura: (sighs, thinks)  No…. no.
Jane: Want me to sit with you til you feel better?
Maura: Yes.  …but first can you arrest your mother?
Jane: (brightly) Okay!  (RizzIsles smile, Jane motions for Maura to stand up, hugs her close, Maura starts crying again)  It’s okay.  It’ll be okay…


















GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog