Sunday, August 26, 2012

Classic Maura Moments - Season 1

Honest.  Genuine.  Intelligent.  Warm.  Caring.  Focused.  Gorgeous.  Innocent.  Funny.  Literal.  Google-minded.  Cultured.  Pulled together.  Accessorized.  Trusting.  Independent.  Passionate.  Logical.  Emotional.  Driven.  Sensitive.  Strong.  Appreciative.  Intrigued.  Inquisitive.  Curious.  Educated.  Well-mannered.  Vulnerable.  Protective.  Pensive.  Confident.  Oblivious.  Feminine.  Sensual.  Open-minded.  Respected.  Esteemed.  Precise.  Searching.  Hopeful.  Unique.  Analytical.

Jane's pseudo-sister.  Constance's daughter.  Paddy's daughter.  Hope's daughter.  Cailin's sister.  Angela's other daughter.

There are a million ways you can describe and define the enigmatic Maura Dorothea Isles.  Perhaps the best way to get to know her is through her actions, her words and her past...

Classic Maura Moments! Loyal Best Friend, and genuinely warm and caring
Maura: (Glancing up from the body at Jane)  Hairline fracture. The nasal bone above the lateral nasal cartilage.  It’s not disfiguring.
Jane: Can you pop this out for me?
Maura: Can’t you do something safe like yoga.  Might hurt a little.
Jane: Okay.  (Maura pops her nose back)  OW!  A little?!
Maura: Put some ice on it for the next 24 hours so you don’t look like Mike Tyson.

(Jane hears a sound and sits up)
Maura: It’s okay.  (Reaches for Jane’s arm)  It’s just Bass.  Really.  It’s okay.
Jane: I’ve never been so scared in all my life.

Maura: I thought you might need some help cleaning up.
Jane: Yea.  Alright, um… let me get you some work clothes.
Maura: These are my work clothes. (Laughs at Jane’s look of contempt)  What?  (shoulder shimmy) You don’t like? 

Maura: Do you want to know what I’m thinking?
Jane: It’s so weird. I do.
Maura: I think I know why you’re making such a big deal out of the fact that Grant’s your new boss.
Jane: I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.

Jane: Why are you laughing??  Do I look stupid?
Maura: No!  Are you kidding?  Really, you don’t know??  You’re gorgeous, my friend.

Jane: If she loves me so much why did she hand me off to that creep?
Maura: I don’t believe you think he’s a creep.
Jane: Well I do (smirking).  I’ve known him since he was 5.  You know he used to lisp?
Maura: (laughing)  So?
Jane: SO!  You get rid of guys if they have receding gums!
Maura: That’s true.

Maura: You’re always complaining that the guys you date don’t understand or like your job, and he respects you.
Jane: Stop.
Maura: Really.  You think he’s this political animal but it’s just that it comes out of him when he’s around you (smirking) because he wants to impress you.  It’s mating behavior.  I think it’s sweet.
Jane: I think you’re insane.  I’m off to solve a murder.
Maura: Nightlight off or on?
Jane: On.  I can’t wait til we solve this one.

(Maura arrives at Jane’s apartment in her pjs in the middle of the night)
Jane: Thank you.  It’s in there.

Jane: I was at BCU.  The Sorority girls were dressed in FOIL.
Maura: ABC Party.  Such a Ro Zata Data thing.
Jane: You take it for granted that you know all that.
Maura: I didn’t know Attacker was a position.
Jane: Such a gaping hole in your education.
(RizzIsles laughing)

Jane: I try not to have regrets.  But, I don’t know, when I was on that campus, I felt like I missed out.
Maura: Jane, you’re a bright, accomplished woman.
Jane: I peeked in the library.  All the things I could have known if I’d gone to college. (approving smile/nod from Maura)  Something about being there, was inspiring, ya know?
Maura: You know more about human beings than anyone I know.
Jane: Bad human beings.
Maura: Well, a mix of good and bad.

Jane: Do you want to go with me when I notify the family?
Maura: No… but I will.  I owe ‘em that.

Jane: (holding out bottle of juice Angela is selling) Will you run some tests on this, please?
Maura: What case?
Jane: “Is Jane’s mother poisoning the neighborhood?”
Maura: Uh oh.  Sure.

(Maura calls Jane from Garret’s car while he’s in a coffee shop)
Jane: Rizzoli.
Maura: Jane.
Jane: Maura, I’m sorry.
Maura: No, it’s okay, listen.  I don’t have a lot of time.  Adam had a mistress.  Vanessa DeWald.
Jane: Wh--, why you doin this?
Maura: Because I have your back.

Maura: I brought you a present. (hands Jane invitation in an envelope)
Jane: Apology or a bribe?  (Reads invitation)  Maura this is tonight.
Maura: Yea, I wasn’t gonna go.  But you wanted access to my deluxe friends, Sumner and Jocelyn.  I want you to be my guest.
Jane: Won’t I embarrass you?
Maura: Probably.  But haven’t I embarrassed you?
Jane: No…. more than half a dozen times.
(Maura laughs and hits her arm)
Jane: Cocktail dress required?  Can’t I just go like this?
Maura: If you’re going to embarrass me, at least do it in the proper clothes.  C’mon.  I have most of my money tied up in charitable endowments, but not all.

Maura: (glances over at Jane)  I need to use the ladies room.  Jane, want to join me?
Jane: No, no.  I don’t need to go.
Maura: (whispers while walking passed)  I think you do.
Jane: I need to go to the ladies room.  Excuse me.
Jane: (Maura turns the corner and stops; Jane almost walks right into her)  I thought you needed to go to the restroom.
Maura: That was a rouse!  Well?  Do you like him?

Maura: Yea well you butted heads with him until he moved to Washington.  (shrugging)
Jane: So you hooked me up with Nurse Jorge?
(Maura innocently smiles; Jane glares and walks away)
Maura: (smirking) Well, I- (laughing) Yes.
Jane: It’s not funny.

Maura: I am in awe of what human beings can do.  (smiling)  I am in awe of the(running her hands across her collar) hand-knit channel stitching of this sweater.  I am in awe of the artisan who molded, and shaped this shoe (holding it in her hand)

(Answers door to let Korsak in late at night)
Maura: (sternly)  Sssh!  Jane’s finally sleeping!  (Frost and Korsak fight)  Lower your voices!  Ssh!  SHUT UP!  Her life.  Is in danger.  Again.  From a deranged serial killer sociopath who is calling the shots from inside a prison and the two of you (outraged)are comparing the size of your penises?!
Frost: Whoa.  Doc.
Maura: Shake on it.  (guys laughing, Maura hands on hips)  You heard me.  Shake.

Jane: You okay?
Maura: It’s distracting to work in a wrinkled dress.
Jane: So go home and change.
Maura: No, no.  I’m not leaving you.  But I have some bad news.
Jane: Oh and the day started off so promising.

Maura: You know when, people lock their keys in their car, sprain their ankle, usually indicates something significant is bothering them.
Jane: Cop was murdered.
Maura: Yea, but that’s not why you’re salting your coffee.
Jane: (hesitates, catches her breath)  It’s my brother, Tommy. 
Maura: (nodding)  I always wondered about him.
Jane: Well, Frankie and I became cops, and Tommy went to prison for hitting a priest in a crosswalk.
Maura: Oh.
Jane: It was his 3rd strike for driving under the influence.
Maura: Your poor parents.
Jane: (ranting) And you know they keep saying “if the priest that he hit has forgiven him, why can’t we?”.  This isn’t about forgiveness.  You know, Tommy is, is, really troubled.  And the more they deny it, the more he screws up.
Maura: (softly)  You really care about him.
Jane: I just think that we need to face reality.  Tommy needs help.  This isn’t like he broke his leg and it’ll heal. 
Maura: (nodding)  I’m really sorry.
Jane: (calmer)  Thank you.  Don’t worry about it.  We got too much to do today to worry about Tommy.  (walking away)

Maura: Jane!
Jane: Yea?
Maura: If you want to talk about your brother, or just avoid the subject, I’m here.
Jane: I know.
(Sweet smiles J)

Classic Maura Moments! Passionate Professional
Jane: Maura, what do you see?
Maura: A reddish brown stain.
Jane: In other words, blood.
Maura: No, the crime lab will determine what it is.  She has no lacerations.

Maura: Crime lab confirmed the presence of candlewax. 
Jane: What?!
Maura: Hold your questions.  These dark particles?  Those are burned feathers.
Jane: Okay let me guess… he was smothered with a burning down pillow while he drank candle wax.
Maura: No.
Jane: Maura, I know it makes you break out into hives if you have to guess.  But I need a theory.  Just one.
Maura: The medical evidence is consistent with what I would expect to find if the victim went through an exorcism.
Jane: He was killed by an exorcism?
Maura: I didn’t say that.

Maura: Yes but I’m waiting on toxin micros, but I can tell you this conclusively, it was not a natural death.
Jane: Really?  You could knock me over with a chicken feather.

Maura: Oh, I’d like to come with you.  Pay my respects.  Maybe help you look for the bad guy.  They like to see the results of their work.  I know because I took two years of Forensic Psychiatry.
Jane: It took you two years to figure out the bad guys were screwed up?

Maura: What are we arguing about here?  History?  Or are you just mad at me for who my friends are?
Jane: This is about work.  I’ve just never seen you hugging suspects before.
Maura: We don’t even know what happened here.  If this was an accidental drowning, there are no suspects.
Jane: So you’re hoping it was an accident?
Maura: Are you hoping it was a murder?
Jane: I’m doing my job like I always do.  Why don’t you yours?
Maura: I am.  And as the Medical Examiner, it is MY job to determine the cause and the manner of death.  So I’ll tell you whether there’s a case here, or not.
Jane: Maybe I’ll just figure it out for myself.

Jane: Murder weapon has a rectangular edge on it.
Maura: I can’t confirm that.

Jane: What if--
Maura: I don’t like sentences that begin with “what if”.
Jane: Let’s assume--
Maura: Why is that better?  (Jane sighs)

Maura: I come--.  Jane--.  Sure, Jane.  (jokingly)  Just give me a leatherman’s and some duct tape and I’m ready to go.
Race Guy: I got those both right here.
Jane: K, good.  Here autopsy table.  Look, scrubs.  What else do you need?

Maura: It’s a shame that they penetrated his temporal lobe.  That would’ve been an excellent brain to study.

Classic Maura Moments! Google-minded, LITERAL, brilliant, cultured... and occasionally awkward
Jane: Ted Bundy!
Maura: That’s… 5 letters too many for that anagram.
Jane: How do you do that?  Fine.  Theodore Bundy.

Maura: You are deceptively complex.  I do not understand you.
Jane: Well you would if I was a dead body.
Maura: (genuinely intrigued) Do you think so?

Maura: It takes 20-30 seconds to pass out from strangulation.  1-post-mortem- trauma. 2-post-mortem-trauma.
Jane: I get it. Strangling sucks.

Jane: (to Grant) Yea I can tell by the nasty face you’re making.
Maura: Oh that’s not about you Jane.  He has ballous lesions.
Jane: What?
Maura: Blisters.

(Maura speaks in Creole to the mother of the victim)
Maura: Exorcisms are very powerful.
Jane: Is that what she said?
Maura: No.
Jane: Is that what you said?
Maura: No.
Jane: Maura.
(Maura explains the conversation that actually took place)

Maura: A grand boo boo.
Jane: I said I know.
Maura: Oh you knew what that robe was called?
Jane: A boo boo?

Maura: You’re not a true member until you have a nickname.
Jane: Yo, Dr. Death.  J-Lo needs a cause of death, not a seminar on gangsta nicknames.

Maura: Haven’t you ever been scared of something?
Jane: Witches.  My family went to Salem when I was little.  I had to sleep with a nightlight.
Maura: See?  You were very impressionable.
Jane: Why?  What were you scared of?
Maura: Chromium bacterium vialactium.
Jane: What’s that?
Maura: Flesh eating bacteria… it gets into your ear and starts eating you from the inside out---
Jane: I got it.
Maura: It’s horrible.

Jane: Can you type the genetics of the monkshood in Matt’s body and match it to the plant that it came from?
Maura: No.
Jane: Can you lie about that?
Maura: No.  I don’t lie.
Jane: It’s not a lie.
Maura: Yes it is.  I know when it is.  I start to hyperventilate.
Jane: It’s a white lie.
Maura: It’s still a lie.
Jane: Haven’t you ever lied to a guy and told him he was good when he wasn’t?
Maura: No.
Jane: Do you like this shirt with this jacket?
Maura: Not really, no.

Maura: The anterior inferior tibia fibular mondosyndum ligament is ruptured.
Jane: (dryly)  Sounds painful.

Maura: Kundalini is sacred energy work.  Pitalau is a savory rice dish and I’m pretty sure you made up that last word.

Jane: Which is 20,000 leagues under the sea.
Maura: (confused)  No, that’s actually a reference to the unit of distance.  Leagues, across the ocean.  Not depth.
Jane: It’s at the bottom of the ocean.  Do you have a plan of finding it?
Maura: Not a good one.

Jane: (mumbles in agreement while gulping the champagne)
(Maura looks her up and down in disbelief then rolls her eyes at her)
Jane: (mumbles “What” with a full mouth of champagne)
Maura: (whispers)  Gimme that. 
(Jane tries to hold onto the glass Maura is grabbing at)
Maura: Give it. To me.  (walks toward dinner table)
Jane: I am hungry.  (burps quietly)

Maura: Her last glucose reading was over 400.
Jane: Is that good or bad?
Maura: It’s extremely high.
Jane: Is that good or bad?
Maura: Bad.

Jane: Jorge say anything about me?
Maura: Yoga Jorge?
Jane: No.  Jaunty Lube Jorge.
Maura: Oil change?  Don’t go there.  Total rip off.
Jane: Maura!  C’mon!  What’d he say about me??

Maura: …but I did find some deerskin fibers.
Jane: So we’re looking for Bambi.
Maura: No, we’re looking for apparel.
Jane: Moccasins?  A teepee?
Maura: Teepees are generally constructed from Buffalo hides.
Jane: (frustrated) Wow.  You are so literal.

Maura: Injuries are consistent with a non-biological, phallus shaped object.
Jane: (looking around, whispering)  You mean a dildo?
Maura: (looking around)  Yes, I believe that is the popular term for it. 

Jane: Well at least you don’t snore.
Maura: You kick.
Jane: No no no, that’s not me.  No.  It was Jo.  She runs in her sleep.
Maura: Clonic contractions.  Dogs have dog dreams.

Maura: None of the allele frequencies correspond to the DNA isolated on the 2x4.
Jane: The blood on the weapon didn’t match any of my dates?

(Maura walks over with her “sneakers” squeaking and P.U.K.E. on her tank top)
Maura: Oh hi!  Sorry I’m late.  I’m still getting used to these.
Jane: (looking at Jane’s sneakers)  You didn’t tell me we were running as mallard ducks.
Maura: Well, I haven’t built up my foot muscles to the point where I can run barefoot.
Jane: We’ll chip in and buy you some shoes.
Maura: Well early humans ran very comfortably without shoes.  Research has proven that the barefoot strike pattern is much less stressful.
Jane: You.  Talking Google.  Stressful.

Jane: (walking around to see her)  Holy crap!  If you’re gonna cry on me-
Maura: No, I’m trying not to.  It’s just that my amygdala and my lagbone gland have a connection that I can’t really control.

Jane: Next reddish brown stain.  You call blood.  Before the labs come in.
Maura: (disbelief)  You want me to lie??
Jane: No I want you to state the obvious.
Maura: (sighing and uncomfortable)  Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine whether it is possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood.
Jane: I’ll take that as a yes.  (Pulls off tshirt)

Kid working race:  Blood!
Maura: Yup, blood.  Definitely not a reddish brown stain.
Jane: Maura, this doesn’t count.

Maura: You want me to pretend he’s alive?  No.  I will not be an accessory to lying.

Maura: (adjusting a box cutter, sarcastically)  Wow.  These are very sophisticated tools.  I don’t miss my lab at all.
Jane: Is that sarcasm?
Maura: I think so.

Jane: Do you have to do that?!
Maura: What?
Jane: That.  That word thing you do.
Maura: Etymology?
Jane: You can’t stop, can you?
Maura: Not really.

Maura: Give me the that.
Jane: No, no.  It’s loaded.
Maura: I’ll stay up.
Jane: It’s loaded.  No.
Maura: Magazine capacity 15.  Trigger pull 2.5 kilograms.  Line of sight, 153mm. 
Jane: Have you ever shot one?
Maura: (hesitantly)  Um.  (huge forced grin)  No.
Jane: No.  No.  (laughing)
Maura: But I’m a fast learner.  (serious head tilt)

Maura: Actually that’s a common reaction to fear.  As the rostral anterior sinulate cortex activates.  (Jane’s confused, look of disbelief, Maura notices everyone’s disinterest and strange stares, Maura seems uncomfortable)  A lot of people find neurobiology fascinating.  (Putting food in her mouth)
Jane: Are they all neurobiologists?

Maura: There are empirical data from several sources provide strong, converging lines of evidence (Jane rubbing her temples) that indicate that there is some degree of genetic predisposition for crime!
Jane: Maura, there is not an evil bone in your body.
Maura: It’s in my DNA.
Jane: (taking her hand) So what?  You want a study that proves that you’re not your father or your brother?!
Maura: Yes.

Jane: Maura, can you hand me the torch please?
Maura: Can I do it?
Jane: Really?  You know how to do this?
Maura: Of course.  I used one of these to sear toro.

Jane: (through gritted teeth)  Maura.  You’re staring at Chuck’s biceps.
Maura:  I am.  Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant males.  It’s natural selection at work.
Jane: You’re making me uncomfortable.  Stop.
Maura: What?  I’m just appreciating his sternoclydo mastoid.  (to Chuck, sweetly and matter-of-factly)  Excuse me.  You have beautifully developed musculator.  (Jane looks away)  What am I embarrassing you?
Jane: (sarcastically)  Oh no.  Not at all.  Why don’t you tell him he’s got a nice ass too?
Maura: (to Chuck, across the room)  …and a wonderfully proportionate gluteus maximus.  (flirty smiles)
Jane: I’m never working out with you again.

Classic Maura Moments! Vulnerable, emotional and trusting
Maura: I’m not seeing him (Dean).
Jane: Yet.
Maura: Well, somebody should don’t you think?
Jane: Yup.
Maura: Should we draw straws?
Jane: Couldn’t we just show him our tits and let him decide?

Maura: You should talk to your Mom.
Jane: She’s so mad at me because I won’t come home and sleep in my pink canopy bed.
Maura: I always wanted a canopy.
Jane: I wanted a horse.  Please don’t tell me you always wanted to dissect dead people.
Maura: Okay, I won’t.

(In response to Frost asking what she was afraid of)
Maura: People. Live ones.

Jane: What?
Maura: You’d want to know if you had Marfan Syndrome, right?
Jane: You did it again?
Maura: (squeaking) Yea huh.
(back to online shoe shopping)

Jane: At recess he used to yell out “Roly Poly Rizzoli eats cannoli”.
Maura: Aww. You were overweight?
Jane: No.  I was athletic.  Maybe I was a little chunky.  Why?  What’d they call you?
Maura: (singing/chanting) Maura the bor-a.  They meant boring but it doesn’t rhyme.

Jane: Ohh.  Dr. Maura Isles.  Knuckle deep in germy bar snacks.  I’m shocked.
Maura: Oh.  I had representative samples tested.  Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits.  Want one?
Jane: It must be very complicated to be you.
Maura: You have no idea.

Jane: So what was it like working on a live victim?
Maura: Terrifying.  …and exhilarating.

Maura: What are you going to tell Danielle’s father.
Jane: All he needs to know is that his daughter loved him very much.
Maura: Aww.  Jane.
Jane: What?
Maura: I think that’s really, (getting choked up), that’s really sweet.
Jane: Oh God.  Okay, gimme the wine.

Maura: That’s Adam Fairfield.  I was involved with his brother, Garret.
Jane: Of THE Fairfields?  (Maura nods)  Was it serious?
Maura: I was 20.  Everything felt serious.

Korsak: My take is that you’re the Chief Medical Examiner and it’s not your first floater.
Maura: It is my, uh, my 43rd.  Yes, my 43rd.
Korsak: I’ve been a cop a long time.  I know when people aren’t tellin’ me the whole story.
Maura: Jane’s mad at me.

Maura: There’s not much to tell.  (Jane’s skeptical look; Maura readies herself)  I loved that guy.  You know when you’re so in love you feel like you took some kind of a substance?

Maura: (noticing Jane’s attire, hurt little voice)  Where’s your matching outfit?  (Jane lifts tshirt to reveal matching PUKE shirt)  No no.  We’re running for a charity.  Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence.  (excited)  We’re a team!
Jane: Team PUKE?
Maura: Yes, that is an unfortunate acronym.

Jane: I’m sorry.  I’m being a jerk.
(portion of tape plays with Hoyt telling Maura he’s like her; Jane notices her discomfort)
Jane: (to Dean)  Hey, will you go see if Frost and Korsak have got anything yet?
Dean: Sure.
Jane: You okay?  (Brief upset glance from Maura)  C’mon Maura.  Talk to me.  He’s a FREAK.  Okay, he gets to everybody.
Maura: (holding emotions at bay)  I did a lot of research into, into his background.  His childhood.  Maybe he’s not wrong.
Jane: What are you talking about?
Maura: Maybe I am, a little bit like him.
Jane: (seriously)  You are NOTHING LIKE HIM.
Maura: I don’t know Jane, I was a weird kid. 
Jane: (angrily)  Were you killing small animals?!
Maura: (laughing)  No, but I dissected a lot of frogs
Jane: That’s different. 
Maura: (upset and overwhelmed)  I started to think about (stands and paces) things that I never really thought about before.
Jane: Here it comes.  There are bodies buried in your basement.
Maura: (continuing on, seriously)  I spent a lot of time alone.  You know I was adopted and my father was a professor and my mother she, she came from a wealthy family.  I was an only child.  (Sitting, fidgety and upset)  I just realized something when I was reading about Hoyt.  That it just never occurred to me before.  (vulnerable and upset) There was a lot of benign neglect.  Not that they didn’t love me.  It’s just that I didn’t ask for much.  I don’t think I really knew how.  (Jane listening carefully and patiently) And the less that I would ask for, the less time that they had for me.  They were just very, very involved in their own lives.  And into each other, and, they sent me to boarding school when I was 10.  I actually think I sent away for the brochure myself. (Jane smiling and laughing) They were delighted.  I was really lost.
Jane: C’mere.  (Taking Maura’s hands)  No matter what happened to you, you are NOTHING like that monster.  K?  Yea you are a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy.  That’s not the same thing.  Okay?  (Maura nodding, smiling with a tear running down her face)  We’re a pair, aren’t we? (quiet laughing)
Maura: (softly)  Thank you.

Maura: No, it’s not a mistake.  (pointing to screen)  This is the victim’s DNA profile.  This is my DNA profile.  See the autosomal markers?  They’re the same in both samples. 
Jane: Yea, well the lab keeps all of our genetic profiles just in case we contaminate a sample.  So, obviously, it’s been contaminated. 
Maura: (getting flustered)  No.  There’s enough markers in the comparison of the DNA to make a definitive conclusion. 
Jane: (confused but patient)  So what are we concluding?
Maura: (merges the samples on the screen)  Just look. 
Jane: (patiently)  They match.  And how did that happen?  Maura.  You must’ve done something screwy.
Maura: No.  I didn’t.  It’s a biological match.
Jane: Maura, what are you telling me?  The guy on the table here is somehow related to you?
Maura: (deliberating)  I’m telling you that the man laying there is my brother.

Maura: I’m fidgeting.  I’m fidgeting.  I never fidget.
Jane: (laughing)  Welcome to the human race.
Maura: (laughing, then serious)  I always wondered what it’d be like to have a sibling.  …more than what it’d be like to meet my biological parents. 
Jane: That seems normal. 
Maura: I don’t know anything about him.  I don’t know his name… all I know is that he was a theif.
Jane: And a brilliant artist. 
Maura: That’s not enough.  How did he end up on my table?  Why did he do what he did?  What if I never know?
Jane: What do you know about your biological parents?
Maura: Nothing.  My parents told me that my adoption was private with their lawyer.  All they knew was my birthdate.  Maybe that’s not even right.
Jane: You gonna tell them about this?
Maura: No.  No.  I didn’t even tell them when I tried to find my biological mother and father before I started college.
Jane: What’d you find out?
Maura: All the files were useless or sealed by a court order.  (sadly)  I may have wanted to know them, but they didn’t want to know me.
Jane: Okay.  (sits up and reaches for Maura)  What can I do?
Maura: (thinking)  I need to know who did this to him. 

Maura: (sitting next to table, staring at body of her half brother)  We have the same nasal and zygomatic facial structure.  There are also similar patterns in our super orbital forumin and the angle of our jawline.  You see?
Jane: I do.  I see the resemblance. 
Maura: (sad, confused face)  I don’t know why I’m being so emotional about this now that I know we’re related.  I never knew him.  I never will.  (staring and sighing)
Jane: (walks around to Maura)  Maura, if this is too much for you— (rubs her arm). Here.  (hands her giant sketch book that belonged to her brother)  You should have this.
Maura: No, that’s evidence.  You have to put that back.
Jane: I’ll make copies.  …and I know where they are if I need them.  Keep it for now. 
Maura: (warmly)  Really?

Maura: I sent the blood sample to the crime lab.  There’s no doubt this man (holding picture of Paddy Doyle) is my father.
Jane: Since when do you jump to conclusions.
Maura: Since I found out who I really am.
Jane: Maura--
Maura: (pointing to pictures on the table)  Stabbed.  Shot.  Shot.  Shot.  (pacing, turning her ring around her finger)  Oh my God.  Did you see what I did?  He does that.  He introduced himself as Mr. Selsi.  It’s Isles- my adoptive name – spelled backward. 
Jane: I know.  You keep saying that.
Maura: He was toying with me from the start.  While he was staring at his murdered son.
Jane: C’mon.  He came to say a final goodbye to Colin and he knew that you wanted a DNA sample so he gave you some of his blood.  That’s a guy with balls!
Maura: You’re defending a stone cold killer.
Jane: No I’m--  yes I am.  Uhh… and, I’m, gonna, stop, now.  Look.  I think that whoever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out.  (watching Maura’s face)  If it makes you feel better, these were all bad guys.
Maura: He said Colin was too much like him.  What about me?  Look what I do for a living.  I’m around more death than he is.

Paddy:  I’m sorry.  But I couldn’t go back to see you again and there was no other way of bringing you to me.
Maura: (yelling)  What about a phone?!
Paddy: (reaching for her hands)  Let me take that off.
Maura: (recoiling)  No.  Don’t touch me.
Paddy:  (nods for his guy to leave them)  I assume you already know you’re in danger.
Maura: (scared and angry)  Well there’s a lot I don’t know.  Let’s start with my birth mother.  WHO IS SHE?  Is she alive?
Paddy:  She is.  But it’s in both of our interests to leave it at that.  You need to listen, we don’t have much time.

Maura: Take these off, please.  (Paddy removes wire tie from her wrist and takes a few steps away; Maura looks down to see the item in her hand, stunned)  This is the 5thgrade.  My high school graduation. 
Paddy: I was at your college and medical school graduations too.
Maura: Why?
Paddy:  You’re my daughter. 
Maura: (pausing, head down)  I have a father.  So I can’t be your daughter.  (emotions rising)  How can you do the things you do?  Just murder people on command.
Paddy: I never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve to be hurt. 
Maura: I don’t understand how you could live like that.

Maura: (sitting at Jane’s counter, Jane pouring milk into cereal for her)  He had a gentleness I wasn’t expecting.
Jane: Well he’s wanted for a dozen or so not-so-gentle murders.  He’s a charismatic killer, ya know?  It’s not like you haven’t seen that animal before.  He’s dangerous.
Maura: (contemplative)  I don’t believe that.  I mean he risked his life to say goodbye to Colin.
Jane: (smirking)  Don’t tell me you’re finally let emotion run that big brain.
Maura: (half smile, head in hand)  I don’t know who I am anymore. 
Jane: Come on.  You’re the same ridiculously smart, amazing, goofy person that you were before.  Knowing that he is the source of the sperm doesn’t change that.
Maura: Well don’t be so sure.  Technically you did just say that my father is a killer.
Jane: Ehm ehm.  I said the sperm donor was a killer. 

Jane: I get it, Maura, I do.  But we’re talking about your survival.  Okay?  He said he wanted to send a message.  Those were his words?  (Maura nods) 
Maura: Yea.
Jane: That means even if we get Tommy O’Rourke, someone else will be gunning for you.  (Maura thinking)  Doyle is the only one who can stop them all.
Maura: I know the consequences if I don’t do this, Jane.  I do.  I’ve thought about it. 
Jane: (grabbing for the phone)  Well, I’ll do it then.
Maura: (grabs phone from Jane)  Why is it any different?  This is not who I am.  It’s not who you are. 
Jane: (thinking)  Give it to me and I’ll take it to the Crime Lab.  Maybe they can track something. 
Maura: (contemplative and stressed, hands phone over to Jane)

Jane: Yea!!  Nice!  Very nice Pop!  (to Maura)  And you.  You’re a genius!
Maura: (excited)  Yes.  I am.
Jane: (laughing)  And a humble one too!
(RizzIsles laughing)
Maura: What?  It only takes 150 IQ points to be a genius.
Jane: What?  So you’re a dumb genius?  (Maura pinches Jane)  Hey!
Frankie:  (strange, boy ninja noises, Frankie Sr. pulls him away)
Jane: Still sorry you didn’t grow up with a sibling?!  (throwing peanuts at Frankie)
Maura: (laughing)  Yea.  I am.
Jane: (sweet, sympathetic smile)  Here, we’ll cure you of that.  (moves peanuts closer to Maura so she can throw them at Frankie too)  Aim at the head.  Face.
(RizzIsles laughing)

Classic Maura Moments! Brilliantly oblivious and, oftentimes unintentionally, funny

Jane: You told Agent Dean where we were, didn’t you?
Maura: I did.
Jane: Without telling me?
Maura: I’m sorry.
Jane: Really?  You’re sorry?  Because I treated a Senior Federal Agent like a perp.  I tackled him, Maura.  In a creek.
Maura: Well that’s unfortunate.  But there is a fine line between courage and stupidity.

(Jo Friday barks)
Jane: What?  You have a turtle.
Maura: Tortoise.
Jane: Whatever.
Maura: Well at least give her a bath.

Maura: These are my work clothes. (Laughs at Jane’s look of contempt)  What?  (shoulder shimmy) You don’t like?

Maura: Great.  But, um, dressed like that?
Jane: These are my going out clothes.

(Maura flirts with a bystander)
Jane: Oh my God.  You’re flirting over a dead body.
Maura: When else am I going to do it?

Jane: Hey, did you ever hear from Marfan man?
Maura: Mm hm.  He called to thank me.  He’s going to a specialist.  World renowned. 
Jane: Are you going to see him again?
Maura: I don’t date patients.
Jane: (Laughing) You don’t want to go out with him because he has some weird disease?
Maura: His limbs are a little spidery but that’s not the only reason.
Jane: Come on!  You gotta stop that.  You gotta stop diagnosing people.
Maura: Can we just talk about your love life?

Maura: Well, he’s got a lot of pulp.
Jane: Juice.  We say a guy’s got juice.
Maura: Well you’re going to be drinking yours out of a sippy cup if you don’t lower your voice.

(After annoying Jane, Grant walks away)
Maura: (sarcastically)  That went well.

Maura: What’s that?
Jane: Want some?
Maura: Is that okay?
Jane: Yea.
Maura: What is that white substance?
Jane: Fluff.
Maura: Like downy particles of cotton?
Jane:  It’s marshmallow.  (confused face from Maura)  …and the brown substance is called peanut butter.  It’s ground up, heavy, oily particles of peanuts.  What they didn’t have that in your fancy boarding school?
Maura: It’s really good!

Maura: I can do a brain scan tomorrow.
Jane: Thank you.  Very helpful.

Maura: (to the group of students)  That computer software can triangulate the sound of a gunshot and find its precise location.  (Annoyed confused look off the kid’s disinterest)

Maura: What?  Wait, I’m going with you.  BCU is my alma mater.
Jane: What about them?  (Pointing to the bored, texting students)
Maura: They wanted to be at some tween magazine anyway.  (to the students)  Let’s go find your parents.  (ushers kids out of the room)

Jane: Did you play sports?
Maura: (proudly)  Ballet. And fencing.
Jane: Those aren’t sports.
Maura: Yes they are!  What did you play?
Jane: Field Hockey.  I was an Attacker.
Maura: I’m sure you were very aggressive.
Jane: (confused then amused)  Attacker is a position.  (smiling)

Korsak:  What’s it made out of?!  Spun platinum?!
Maura: The downy undercoat of cashmere goats.

Jane: Hey.  (holds up bag of chocolate)  It’s got 24k gold flakes in it.
Maura: Are you making fun of me?

Jane: So you gonna try the chocolate?
(Korsack walks in)
Maura: (picks up chocolate)  Is this an apology?  (smiling)
Jane: For what?
Korsak:  Oh boy.  (starts to walk away)
Jane: (to Korsack)  Ah ah.  You ask her.
Korsak:  Jane thought maybe Garret would tell you the name of the woman his brother had lunch with before he died.
Maura: So, this is a bribe?  Tell Jane, if she thinks that chocolate will induce me to use my personal relationship with Garret Fairfield she doesn’t know me very well.
Jane: Tell Maura that I didn’t realize I needed to bribe her with the hope diamond--
Korsak:  My phone!  Oh, I gotta take this.  (walks out)
(RizzIsles glaring at each other)
Jane: You looked really at home in that world. 
Maura: It’s where I’m from.  It’s not where I chose to stay.
Jane: Well what are you doin down here slumming with us?
Maura: The same as you.  I’m catching bad guys.
Jane: I need the job.  You don’t.
Maura: Look, I want my life to have meaning and purpose.  The same as you.
Jane: (defeatedly)  Sounds good, Maura.  I don’t know what to believe anymore.  I’m not even sure whose side you’re on.  (Walks out)

Jane: Wanna get a drink?
Maura: (sarcastically)  Will it have gold flecks in it?
Jane: (smiling)  No.

Maura: Jorge dropped off lunch for you.  (Jane’s annoyed look)  That’s not why I interrupted you.  I extracted the killers DNA from the murder weapon.

Maura: Just think that if you allow him to see all sides of you, he’ll stop calling.  (Look from Jane)  Ya know, I just heard, what that sounded like and that is--.  What I meant to say, was that--, human beings have good and bad traits.  (Looks of disbelief from Jane and Frost)  Ya know, and you have, you know, some (scrunched face)characteristics that are a little, not as, uh, um—WOW!  Fudge clusters.
(Wide-eyed look from Jane; grabs chocolate from Maura and her overwhelmed face)
(Frost interrupts with case information)

Korsak:  …she’s a helluva bowler.  She hit a Turkey!
Maura: (saddened)  Why would she do that?
Jane: That’s three strikes in a row, Maura.

Maura: Well wishes can come true.  Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your dating profile.  I typed.
Jane: You what?!
Maura: If it wasn’t for me, you’d be butch.
Jane: (sitting up, in disbelief)  You put my photo and profile on a gay dating website?
Maura: It’s your best shot at getting DNA and breaking this case.  (walking back with her laptop)

Jane: What?!  Well, first of all, I would be the guy.
Maura: That’s a cliché.  Why would you be the guy?!
Jane: Because.
Maura: Because you’re bossy?

Maura: We should take a look and see if anyone else signed up to hook into you.
Jane: (trying to wake up and glare)  That’s not how you say it.  It’s hook UP with you.
Maura: (briefly contemplating)  Whatever.

Maura: (looking in Jane’s closet)  Uh oh.
Jane: What?
Maura: Now I understand why you always look like this.

Maura: (annoyed/dejected)  Okay.  That’s fine.  You don’t want my help.  It’s like trying to dress a squirmy 6 year old anyway.  …everything is too short, too itchy, (mock whiny voice) I can’t walk in that.

Maura: Strike.  Forefoot.  Toes.  Strike.  Forefoot.  Toes.
Jane: That’s enough Jog Whisperer.  (runs ahead)
Maura: (enthusiastically)  That’s it!  Great stride!

Jane: Maura we stop this race we send the message to thousands of people that we give in to fear.  We don’t give in to fear. 
Maura: (softer)  Okay, I understand.  If we do then we just end up dying a little bit every day.  Which, metabolically speaking, we do anyway--
Jane: Maura!  Ugh.  Really?!

Maura: The darkening of the nasal jugafold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiency. 
Jane: (staring at the corpse, uninterested tone)  Really?
Maura: (looking up at Jane)  You.  You have dark circles under your eyes.  Are you not sleeping again?
Jane: Thank you.  You look nice too.
Maura: Having nightmares again?
Jane: Yea.  I dreamed I showed up to work in my underwear.
Maura: Anxiety.
Jane: Ya think?!
Maura: Yes I have this recurring dream that I have this bio chemistry final and I haven’t studied. 
Jane: (dryly)  Really.  Stop.  It’s terrifying.  (Maura smirking)  I can’t take anymore.

Jane: You brought your turtle to work?
Maura: Tortoise.  I couldn’t get his usual caregiver.
(Jane laughs)

Classic Maura Moments! Tapping into her #Samanthaness and sensuality
Jane: (skeeved out)  Danielle was selling herself to a guy with a plastic rug.  
Maura: Maybe he took it off.  Ya know, (seductively) during.

Maura: (whispering) That guy keeps smiling at you.  He just broke up with his girlfriend.
Jane: Really?
Maura: Double date tomorrow?
Jane: (loudly) NO!

Maura: (sultry smiling)  Yea.  I think you should take him home.
Jane: Maura!
Maura: What?!  You said he was sexy.
Jane: Just because I like the way he looks in yoga class doesn’t mean I’m going to like the way he looks in my bed.
Maura: Right.  But did you know that sex releases imunoglobulin a?  It wards off colds.  (innocently beaming)
Jane: (contemplating)  No.  Not tonight.  And, and I didn’t shave my legs.
Maura: (pulls out a cosmetic bag with shaving equipment)  Nice try.
Jane: What kind of person are you?!
(Maura beams innocently holding up the cosmetic bag)

- Reddish brown stain
- Cold air is cold air.

Maura's most important people are lucky to have someone who cares so deeply, supports unconditionally and always has a warm smile to offer.  

For more on Maura, read about the power of her friendship with Jane, and some of their inside jokes and shared moments.  Moments from Seasons 2 & 3 on their way!

Looking for quotes from specific episodes?  Find the episode you're looking for on my home page.