Thursday, August 2, 2012
Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.09 -- "Hometown Glory"
Case: The lead singer of a boy band is killed; He was also a childhood friend of the Rizzoli family
RizzIsles: Since Angela is trying to throw Lydia a Baby Shower, Jane and Maura have to decide if they are going to tell her who Lydia really is; Angela is hurt, angry and upset when she learns the truth and that everyone around her knew.
Jane: (walking into Maura’s house) I cannot believe I let you talk me into wearing heels. And buying a purse.
Maura: Convertible satchel.
Jane: (turning into living room, sees all baby stuff) Maura? Is there something you wanna tell me?
Jane: My mother’s too old to have a baby.
Angela: (popping up) I’m a very young grandmother though.
Jane: (questioningly) You don’t have a grandchild.
Angela: I’m throwing a little Baby Shower for Lydia.
Jane and Maura: Lydia?!
Angela: I hope it’s okay.
Jane: No, that’s not okay.
Angela: I’m not asking you.
Maura: Um, sure, yea.
Jane: (in disbelief) What?
Jane: Ma, Lydia is a stranger! She ran into your car. All you know about her is that she’s a bad driver.
Jane: Why are you lowering your voice?! Is she in the guest house?
Maura: (ignoring Jane, to Angela) Where is she registered?
Jane: (REALLY?!) Where is she registered?! Moochers R Us!
Maura: Is your gestational diabetes under control?
Lydia: Well I guess. Except when my sugars are high or low… I mean when they’re out of whack I get moody and stuff and sweaty and dizzy.
Lydia: That is so sad that people have to get murdered.
Jane: Yes it is. Well, off to work.
Lydia: (proudly) I’m an assistant to a cashier in training.
Jane: (condescendingly) Wow, like, that is big. Congrats.
Jane: Oh yea, let’s tell my mother that the bun in Lydia’s oven was either put there by my father or my brother, Tommy.
Jane: (visibly upset) I gotta go break it to his brothers before they read about it on Twitter. Tell Ma… God, I love that kid!
Maura: (performing Shane’s autopsy, playing music video of Channel Street Boys, dancing)
Music: “The most beautiful girl, in the world / She’s right here from Southie / She’s pure Boston beauty / A little bit tough, hip and mouthy / She struts…”
Jane: (sadly) Yea, he was even prettier in life. He was so sweet and soulful.
Maura: There are fibers embedded in the shrapnel wounds.
Jane: The one from the hoodie?
Maura: I’d have (in unison with Jane) to run some tests…
Angela: (upset and cleaning) Why isn’t Frankie back yet?
Jane: He’s still at the crime scene looking for the gun.
Angela: At least he has something to do… Why honey? Why would someone kill Shane?
Jane: I don’t know Ma.
Angela: Ya know, his brothers told me you were the girl in their song, “Pure Boston Beauty”.
Jane: (flattered) What? Me?
Angela: He had the biggest crush on you. You told him he can sing once.
Frost: (inspecting Shane’s car) I’m not seeing any blood.
Jane: (aside to Maura) We will if we don’t talk to Lydia.
Maura: How are we going to get her alone?
Jane: We’re meeting her at the Dirty Robber in two hours.
Maura: What do you mean WE?
Jane: I sent her a text from Ma’s phone. She thinks Ma is going to be there.
Maura: (shrieking) YOU DID WHAT?! I can’t be a part of this. (Frost glancing over)
Jane: Oh you are SO a part of this! (mocking tone) Where is she registered?
Maura: I was trying to be polite.
Jane: Well you can be polite cop and I’ll be I’ll-beat-your-face-in-if-you-tell-my-mother-you-slept-with-her-husband-and-her-son cop.
(Frost stops inspecting, stands up and turns to look, clears throat)
Korsak: Hey look, here comes Inspector Gadget!
Maura: Would you like some quinoa, kale and yams?
Jane: Sure, when I’m a contestant on Survivor. (Frankie walks in sweaty with a brown paper bag) Oh look, Frankie brought us some Mad Dog 20/20 to go with our yams.
Jane: You know, you’re sweating all over Maura’s stuff. (Maura starts moving things away)
Jane: Oh crap! C’mon! (pulls Maura out of her chair) We gotta go face the Lydia music.
Maura: (being dragged) Oh, c’mon. I don’t like confrontations!
Jane: That’s why you’re the good cop.
Maura: Right and you’re the (mocking tone) beat-your-face-in cop.
Jane: Well Lydia can’t afford to lose anymore brain cells. Ya know what the scariest part is about Lydia and my father?
Maura: (very amused, smirking/laughing face) Imaging them having sex?! (“HM” face)
Jane: (disgusted) NO! Trying to figure out what he saw in her.
Maura: Studies show many men prefer to date less intelligent women.
Jane: (with contempt) But why?!
Maura: Well you and I have our own lives, big jobs. We don’t make men our priority but women like Lydia do.
Maura: Drink some water. Dehydration isn’t good for pregnant women.
Jane: (mumbling) Neither is being a slut. (Maura kicks her under the table) Ow!
Lydia: (grabbing ice out of her glass with her hands, putting it on table) Oh I don’t like ice. Too cold.
Jane: Yes, ice is cold. (Maura hands Lydia a spoon)
Lydia: I don’t know.
Maura: But we haven’t told you yet.
Lydia: I don’t know who the father is. Is that why you wanted to talk to me? (casually) But it’s either your father’s baby or Tommy’s.
Jane: Oh my God.
Lydia: I thought you knew.
Jane: You thought I knew?!
Maura: Well Jane you did know.
Jane: Okay, can you just get to the part where you know which one did that.
Maura: You meant to rear end her?!
Lydia: No that part was an accident.
Lydia: Well I should go. I have to get to Lamaze.
Maura: Wait, you can’t go to birthing classes by yourself. I’m gonna drive you.
Jane: Okay, well. Have fun. Breathe deep. In and out. Alright.
Maura: (urgent whispering) Jane!
Jane: Oh no. I am NOT going!
(SERIOUS RizzIsles stare down… next scene: Jane, arms crossed, glaring at Maura with Lydia between them on the floor at Lamaze. Maura won)
Lydia: I’m at the mall… I’m at Hot Dog Haven. I love their outfits.
Maura: Yes! The bright colorful ones with the hats! (AWESOME gesturing)
(Lamaze instructor directs coach to sit behind their partner and massage their back… intense staredown… Maura moves behind Lydia. Jane won)
Jane: You know, um, after the baby is born, you can have a paternity test.
Lydia: No. …I want to do a water birth. (Maura visually reacts)
Jane: (exasperated sigh, speaks sternly) Okay listen to me. I don’t want you tellin my mother what you did! It could really hurt her, alright?
Lydia: (to Maura) Can you massage me just a little lower? (Jane tenses) I don’t think it’s right not to tell her.
Jane: (loudly) What, now you got a conscience after you slept with half my family?! (people turn to stare)
Maura: (softly) Lydia, think.
Jane: (loudly) No, Lydia, don’t strain yourself. I don’t want my mother to know about this, alright?!
Jane: Wow, so it’s amateur hour.
Jane: It’s a classic newbie injury. I saw it a couple of times at the Academy. If you use an improper grip, the slide will slice that flap of skin right between your thumb and trigger finger.
Maura: The inter-digital webbing.
Jane: We use to call it a Wenus.
Maura: I like that. Wenus. Hard to forget because it rhymes with pe--
Maura: Oh, thank you Senior Criminalist Chang. We’ll take it from here.
Jane: So can you run DNA panels on the WENUS blood? Perhaps it’s possible, Doctor? (RizzIsles smirking)
Jane: (into phone) Frost.
Frost: Do you know if Shane knew anyone named Jamie Rellis?
Jane: Jamie Rellis? Yea, that’s a character from “Friends with Benefits”.
Maura: Why are you talking about Romanic Comedies with Detective Frost?
Frost: It’s Gia Lamar.
Jane: The famous pop singer?!
Maura: (innocently) She can’t be that famous. I’ve never heard of her.
(Homicide Team exchanges amused glances)
Maura: Well let’s not leap to conclusions Sergeant.
Jane: Yes, Sergeant. Please. Stop the leaping.
Jane: I think I know why Gia offed herself with a crack pipe.
Maura: (standing, getting agitated) Again, we don’t know if this is an overdose or a suicide. (Jane shows Maura media picture of two victims walking together) Gia and Shane were lovers?!
Jane: (sarcastically) Dr Isles, you just leapt to a conclusion!
Maura: I did not! “Gia and Shane were lovers?” – question mark.
Frost: I’ll go round up the Security footage from outside the motel.
Korsak: You probably need some help.
Jane: Oh, c’mon. You guys aren’t afraid of a little female towel snapping, are you?
Korsak: Oh yes we are.
Jane: I gotta stop a snitch from squealing.
Angela: I hope Jane comes. That’s her favorite food.
Maura: (opening the lid, disgusted) She likes bacon chocolate?
Angela: (resigned) Yea. (excited) I hope we get to play some Baby Shower games!
Maura: How many people are coming?
Angela: You, me, Lydia, and Jane, I hope.
Maura: So 4, total?
Angela: You have no idea how much I needed to welcome this baby into the world right now! (Noticing Lydia’s face) Honey, what’s the matter?
Lydia: He dumped me when I told him the baby might be Tommy’s.
Angela: What? Tommy, Tommy who?!
Lydia: (Jane giving the “NO!” gesture) Uh, Tommy Rizzoli?
Angela: (shocked) You’re carrying Tommy’s baby?!
Lydia: Frank, dumped me.
Angela: Frank Rizzoli? Frank Rizzoli, my husband?!
Jane: Oh God, Ma.
Angela: (turning to Jane) Did you know?!
Jane: Let me explain.
Angela: Explain what? That you lied to me?
Maura: We simply avoided referencing a specific set of facts.
Angela: (to Maura) You knew too? (to Lydia, eerily calm) That was my husband. He was the father of my children. And you come into my HOUSE?! Into my FAMILY? And you ask me for my help? After what you’ve done?!
Lydia: (crying) I’m sorry.
Jane: (upset) Mom, please! (Angela abruptly shaking Jane’s hand off her; Jane recoils) Mom listen to me, okay? Dad did a terrible thing. Okay? I just, I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know how to tell you. I’m so sorry.
Angela: I was um, I was Mrs. Rizzoli for 35 years. I was Frank’s wife… now I’m not anybody anymore. (Angela leaves)
Jane: Mom please!
(Maura driving, Jane in passenger seat)
Jane: (to Lydia in back) Is this where your mother lives?
Jane: Great, let’s get your stuff out of the car.
Lydia: I’m sorry if I caused any trouble.
Jane: IF, you caused any trouble?!
Maura: (awkwardly) I had no idea how roomy this cargo area was; (shoots Jane a look) did you Jane??
Lydia: Yea the backseat is really comfortable too!
Maura: Oh good!
Jane: Yea, fantastic, where do you want all these gifts?!
Maura: Do you have the baby’s room set up?
Jane: I want to know if there’s indoor plumbing.
(Lydia’s mom steps out onto porch, tells Lydia her room has been rented out)
Jane: No wonder she preferred my mother.
Maura: (sadly frustrated, whining) Oh Jane!
Jane: What?! What Maura?! Are you going to go share your room with Lydia and Jed?! …dump on my mother some more?! No. Lydia’s made her grown up choices! (phone vibrates) And I gotta go, Frost and Korsak are talking to a suspect.
Maura: (conflicted, stares at Lydia’s porch; Jane starts throwing presents out of trunk) No! Don’t throw it! I got it, I got it.
Maura: (trying to be helpful) Well maybe you can call Mr. Finnegan and ask him to come down to the Police Station.
Jane: Oh good idea, Maura. (sarcastic tone) “Hello Mr. Finnegan. We think you murdered your son. Can you just c’mon down here and tell us how you did it?”.
Maura: Does it make you feel better to mock me?
Jane: Kind of. (Stern look from Maura) Sorry. I’m frustrated.
Maura: (A-DORABLE Sash smile and head shake) It’s okay.
Frost: We can stake out his social security box.
Korsak: For two weeks? That’s when he gets his next check.
Jane: Wait a minute, I got an idea. (dials phone number, into phone) Hello, Mr. Finnegan?
Maura: That was my idea!
Jane: (whispering to Maura) Not this part!
Maura: (whispering to Korsak) My idea.
Maura: Listen, I know what those lesions were on Shane’s lips and mouth.
Jane: Good thing I already lost my appetite.
Jane: They couldn’t have been in two places at the same time.
Maura: Not unless they’re electrons, as Max Plane’s quantum theory proves. (Gets look from Jane)
Jane: (closing Maura’s fridge, annoyed) Do you have ANYTHING that has fat in it?!
Maura: I have some yummy homemade smoked tempe bacon in there.
Jane: No. I want something that will clog my arteries.
(Frankie jogs in to Maura’s house)
Jane: What are you doing here?
Frankie: She wants me to help her move, Jane.
Angela: (walking in) I’m gonna go, uh, move in with my cousin Theresa.
Maura: (exchanges glance with Jane) Angela, please don’t.
Frankie: I knew about Lydia too, Ma.
Angela: Yea, I know. You and Jane always shared everything. And I, I understand that you were all trying to protect me, but--
Jane: Ma, I’m so sorry.
Angela: But can you understand that I can’t have my children think I’m pitiful.
Jane: Ma. Dad is the one who it pitiful. You didn’t do anything wrong. We did. Dad did. Okay? We all admire you, don’t you understand that?
Angela: You admire me? Ha. For what? I lost my marriage, I lost my house. I live in your best friend’s guest house. I work in a café--
Jane: (soft but stern) I admire you because you picked yourself up when you could’ve laid on the floor. (Angela crying) No, I admire you for the person you’ve always been. You’re optimistic, and warm and loving and strong. Ma, you’re so strong. Look, you’re an example to all of us.
Frankie: Hey, hey hey… she’s right.
Maura: (with tissues, full of emotion) I always wanted a mother like you.
Angela: You’re great kids, you know that?
Jane: Cause of you Ma. Because of you.
Angela: I never really like Theresa. She doesn’t clean her bathrooms.
Jane: Okay, the group hug! I can’t do it! …is that my gun?
**GIFs were created by a few FABLOUS tumblr Rizzles fans! Please check out my Rizzles Tumblr blog (JaMauraRizzles) for original links** :)