Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.01 -- "What Doesn't Kill You"

Case: A cop is shot in an apparent robbery; Everyone is looking for Paddy’s “book” of all the officials on his payroll

RizzIsles: The girls aren’t speaking because Jane shot Maura’s biological father; Internal Affairs is investigating Jane and the team; Jane learns something about Maura’s biological mother.

Jane: (urgently, breathless) I shot my best friend’s father.

Korsak: You had no choice.

Jane: Tell that to Maura.

Korsak: Jane, you shot a man who’s head of the Irish Mob.  20 years on the run.  Suspected of 15 murders. 

Jane: Yea he was nice to her though.

Korsak: Biology doesn’t make him her father or mean you stop doing your job.  God I didn’t think this was the way we’d take down Paddy Doyle. 

Jane: (seeing Maura’s angry expression as she starts to walk toward her)  Oh God, she hates me.

Korsak: She’s just in shock, Jane.

Maura: (throwing Jane’s jacket back at her)  Take your jacket.  (starts to walk away)

Jane: Maura.  Come on.  I had to.  Paddy showed up and shot our suspect.

Maura: He shot the guy who tried to run me over with his car yesterday, put my mother in the hospital.

Jane: We had a handle on it until Paddy crashed our operation.

Maura: Oh, you mean your boyfriend had a handle on it.  Thanks for letting me know that Agent Dean was planning to join us.

Jane: I didn’t know he was going to follow us in.  What’d you expect him to do?!  He’s a FEDERAL. AGENT.  Paddy shot him!

Maura: In the leg!  If Paddy wanted Dean dead, he’d be dead.

Jane: What are you say--.  You don’t think your father was there to take us all out?!  Shoot me too?!

Maura: He was only there to protect ME.

Jane: If that’s what you think, you are naïve, or ignorant, or I don’t know what.

Maura: Well, at least I don’t play judge and jury and kill people.  (storms off)

Korsak: (walking back over to Jane)  You guys will make up.

Jane: Yea, that’s what they said about the Beatles.  We shoulda never let her do this.  Never.

FLASHBACK SCENE: Wiring Maura before entering the warehouse

Maura: (nervously) This is my first undercover assignment.  (Jane moves around her getting the wire in place)  Wait.  (in deep, mock cop voice)  I’m doin’ a U.C.  (smiling, amused)  I feel like Donnie Brasco.

Jane: (giggles, keeps getting wire hooked up)  Well, you don’t look like him.  Can you keep it down, please?  Okay, I’m gonna tuck this wire right here.

Maura: This microphone doesn’t make me look like I have three breasts, does it?

Jane: I don’t know, some guys are into that.

Maura: (laughing)  Is this what you’d wear?  To an undercover operation?  I feel a little dressy.

Jane: I’d wear a flak jacket.

Maura: Ugh.  Ya know, I know this sounds vain, but I couldn’t be a cop.

Jane: (mock sarcasm)  You?!  Vain?!  No.

Maura: Well even you look a little chunky in a flak jacket.

Jane: WOW, really?!  Okay.  Well, thank you, very much.  And ya know what?  I think your little Medical Examiner getups make you look like a trash collector.

Maura: (shocked)  You do?!  (outraged)  So do I!  I always feel a little dumpy.

Jane: (amused) Put your jacket on. (Maura complies)  Ya wanna know what’s truly odd about you?

Maura: (shaking her head, making a face) No, I’m not sure.

Jane: You are the dumbest genius I know.

Maura: (exasperated sigh)  I’m-not-sure means pause.  It means do not blurt your subconscious thoughts.

Jane: Oh right.  Sorry.  (smirking)

Maura: Is this displaced aggression because I get to go undercover and you have to be my back up?  (snapping finger guns off her hips)

Jane: (amused) Yes.

Maura: Okay!  Let’s go. (fixes her hair)

Jane: Listen to me.  (squares off in front of Maura, tightly grasps her upper arms)  Alright, this is serious.  Somebody’s tryin to kill you to stop you from investigating a murder.

Maura: You don’t have to tell me that.  I was there when he nearly drove over my mother.

Jane: We’re only letting you do this because we’re hoping that whoever this guy is, he is desperate enough to follow you into that warehouse and try again.  Alright, but we’re gonna be there this time.

Maura: (kid-like excitement)  I’m ready.  Wait, what do you guys say right before you pull the string?

Jane: (dumfounded, rolls eyes) It’s called a sting, Maura.

Maura: Sting.

Jane: We say “don’t get made”.

Maura: I like that.  (serious, mock cop voice)  Don’t get made.  Don’t look so worried.  What could go wrong?  (sweet smile)

Korsak: Don’t worry.  We’ll get through it.

Jane: No, we won’t.  Especially when he goes to interview the woman who cannot tell a lie!

Korsak: You gotta call Dr. Isles and tell her how to play this.

Jane: (dials) She’s not picking up.  She knows it’s me.

Maura: Would you have taken me if you knew I was Paddy Doyle’s daughter?

Constance: Maura, darling.  Your my daughter.  Your father and I raised you.  You’re ours, not his.

Jane: What is Pike doin here?!

Frost: You mean other than annoying the crap out of people?

Korsak: We’re stuck with him until Dr Isles gets back.

Jane: Dr Pike, how nice to have your expertise on this.

Pike: Double homicide.  Almost certainly a .38 caliber bullet.

Korsak: (aside to Jane) Pretty big hole.

Jane: Uh, maybe I’ll just take a look.

Pike: (hand out to stop Jane) Cause of death is quite clear.  Perhaps Dr Isles needed your “expert” medical opinion because she doubted her own.  I do not.

Jane: (sarcastically) Yes, we were all frustrated with her wishy washy approach.  (flirty)  I love a man who knows what he thinks.  May I?

Pike: You may, Detective.

Maura: The way I reacted, I just bit Jane’s head off.  Adrenaline impairs cognitive sequencing, but still.

Angela: You were afraid for your life.

Maura: Paddy wouldn’t have shot me.

Angela: We can’t help who we love.

Maura: I don’t LOVE Paddy Doyle.  He’s done terrible things, it’s just, when Jane pulled that trigger… ya know, I never really see how they end up on my autopsy table.  And he kept trying to tell me something.  “Hope”.  He kept saying “hope”.  I wonder if that was her name…

Angela: You mean your biological mother’s name?

(Interrupted by doctor asking Maura to fill out Paddy’s DNR)

Maura: Do not resuscitate.  I have no idea what he would’ve wanted.

Doctor: Just think about it for a minute.

(Doctor leaves, Maura starts crying)

Angela: (moving toward her) Oh, Maura.

Maura: (quickly pulling away) Please don’t.  My mother’s very reserved.  I’m not very good at it either. 

Angela: Jane always used to squirm off of my lap.  You two have that in common.

Maura: You should go home.  I’ll be fine.

Angela: No, I’m not.  I’m gonna stay here with--

Maura: No, I’m used to being alone.  Please.  I’ll be okay. (walks away)

Jane: (running off elevator to Maura)  Maura!  Don’t say anything, just listen.

Maura: Jane, I’m sorry too.

Jane: We don’t have much time.  (talking fast)  The head of Internal Affairs is on his way up to get a statement from you about the shootings.

Maura: (angry, disbelief, annoyed)  That’s it?!  That’s it.  That’s all you have to say.  Not “I’m sorry that your father’s dying”?!

Jane: Oh he’s your FATHER now?  Am I sorry that a man who’s wanted for 15 murders didn’t shoot me or Frost?!  No, I’m not!

Maura: (arms crossed)  Then why are you here?

Jane: To warn you.  Maura, if our friendship ever meant anything to you, will you please think before you answer the questions you’re about to be asked.

IA Guy: (yelling from down the hallway)  Detective Rizzoli!

Jane: (rushed whispering)  They’re doing an investigation.  They’re building a case.  They think we’re dirty.

IA Guy: Your contempt for the rules is borderline criminal.  You are talking to a witness.

Maura: She was just asking about my father.

IA Guy: You are ordered not to talk to each other until our investigation is concluded.

(Jane walks away; turns and makes eye contact with Maura as IA starts their questioning)

Jane: (sticking her head in side door at Maura’s house)  Psst!  Is Maura here?

Angela: (whispering back) No.  Why are we whispering?  (Jane sulks over to island)  Do you remember when you thought you and Becky Zisti were never gonna be friends again?

Jane: I didn’t shoot Becky Zisti’s father, Ma.

Angela: You want some tea?  It’s from the Szechuan Provence.  It gets its flavor from pandas.

Jane: How does it get its flavor from pandas?

Angela: Maura says that the pandas fertilize the tea plants.

Jane: That means they grow it in panda poop, Ma.

Angela: Oh!  Want me to fix you something?  What do you feel like eating?

Jane: People.

Angela: (closes fridge, turns to Jane and hugs her)  C’mon.  It’s okay.

Jane: (pushing Angela away, whining)  No, I don’t want a hug.

Angela: Well at least you’re not Wally, poor fella.  He shoulda just had my lasagna at the café.  So much safer!

Jane: Did you really just say “at least you’re not Wally”?!

Angela: Oprah says if you think of 3 good things that happened to you during the day, you’ll perk right up!

Jane: (sarcastically obliging)  Well, I’m not Wally.  You stopped hugging me, and I don’t wear a size 11 shoe.  Geee I feel so perky!

Jane: (pointing to sketch on wall of woman crying at grave)  This is cheery.

Angela: Isn’t it atmospheric?

Jane: Okay, you’ve been living here way too long.

Jane: It’s awful, like my life! (drops onto couch)

Angela: Is it okay if I just pat your knee?

Jane: Knock yourself out.  (Angela aggressively rubs both of Jane’s knees, Jane smiles sweetly at her)

Angela: You know your father and I went to see a marriage counselor once.

Jane: You did?  Wow, that was money well spent.

Angela: There was one thing Dr. Becker made us do that worked for a little bit.

Jane: Is that when you had Tommy?

Angela: (annoyed, exasperated) For heaven sakes, Jane!  We already had Tommy!  Dr. Becker made us tell him our story, about how we met.

Jane: Maura and I aren’t a couple, Ma. (Angela hugs Jane tightly, throws herself across her)  Eww! 

Angela: I’ll stop hugging if you tell me the story.

Jane: Okay!  Okay, okay, okay.  Get off.  (Angela gets off, Jane glares) 

Jane tells Angela her and Maura’s “story”

Jane: I was in the drug unit.

Angela: I was so frightened when you were doing that work.

Jane: If you interrupt, or hug, I’m done.  (Angela buttons her lip)  So when you’re a girl doing Buy Busts, you gotta be a hooker.

Angela: Mother of Mercy!  (whispering)  You didn’t have to do it, did you?!

Jane: C’mon, Ma!  No!  C’mon.  It was my cover, I told you.

Angela: Okay.

Jane: Alright, so… I don’t have any ID.  I don’t have any money.  I’m starving…

FLASHBACK SCENE > Coffee and donut get pulled away from customer at counter

Jane: C’mon, Stanley, you know I’m good for it.

Stanley: I don’t know anything about you, Tiffany.

(Maura walks in smiling; her attention is caught by exchange at register)

Jane: Really?!  $2 for a day old donut and bad coffee?!  Please, c’mon.  I’ll get you after my shift.

(From Maura’s POV you can see that the woman talking – Jane – is clearly a trashy hooker)

Stanley:  Hmph.  Think you’ll make that much?!

Jane: (starts packing her bag back up, pissed off)  Ya know what?!  I hope Big Mo tows your chevy (glimpse at Maura putting on a latex glove and digging into her purse), your crap coffee gives you an ulcer, and you die of psoriasis.  (Stanley covers his arms; Maura, with money in her gloved hand, smiles her way up to Jane holding the money out toward her)  Do you mind?!  You can get your non-fat latte in a minute, alright?!  (turns away)

Maura: No, it’s for you.  Given the Vitamin D deficiency likely from your, um, (whispering) from your night work, you’re better off with some plain yogurt and some leafy greens.  (nodding encouragingly) 

Jane: I have my life undercontrol, but Stanley here has psoriasis.

Maura: Psoriasis isn’t contagious.  It’s a genetic disease.

Jane: What about rudeness?  Is that genetic too?

Maura: I was simply trying to be nice.

Jane:  Not every hooker has a heart of gold, alright sister?!

Maura: Apparently not, (neck snap) “sister”.

BACK TO PRESENT > Angela and Jane laughing on couch, Maura walks in.

Maura: You shouldn’t be here.  Not while they’re investigating.

Jane: (getting up, walking toward her) Why?  What did you say to Conners?

Maura: I—well you know I can’t say anything.

Jane: (holding Maura’s eye contact, gritting her teeth)  Ma, get your stuff.

Angela: (angry) Jane Clementine Rizzoli.

Maura: Your middle name is Clementine?

Jane: Thank you.  Thank you very much.

Angela: I thought it was pretty.

Jane: You’re not staying here anymore.

Maura: Wa--  This isn’t necessary.

Jane: What?!  Because your family is so screwed up now you need mine?!  (Off everyone’s faces)  What??  You’re the one who always says that blood is thicker than water.  So, choose.  (Angela looks back and forth between them)  Hello?!  That’s water, I’m blood.  Okay, ya know what?!  Suit yourself.  Sit here, together and drink your excrement tea.  (walking out)

Angela: Jane!  Wait.  (Jane stands, crosses arms; Angela softly, to Maura)  I’m just gonna grab a couple things.  (stops to look at sketch of woman on wall, crying)

Maura: Angela, wait.  (takes down picture, gives it to her)  Take it.  I’ve always hated it.

Jane: I’ll be in the car.  (leaves)

Angela: (tearful, whispering)  You’re like my daughter too.  (hugs tearful Maura)

(Jane sleeping in her bed, hand starts playing with her hair)

Jane: (wakes up, turns to see who is there, Angela smiles) Ma, what are you doing in my bed?!

Angela: That couch feels like a sack of marbles.

Jane: (grumpy whining) Get out.

Angela: (annoyed, getting out of bed) You made me leave my luxuriana mattress for this kind of treatment?!

Jane: (annoyed and defeated) I’m sorry, Ma (turning back to where Angela was laying) I’m sorry.  (sees she’s gone) Ma!  Ma.  Maaa!  (Angela walks out of room, Jane puts pillow on her face and screams)

Angela: (walking back into room) I’m not talking to you.  I’m not talking to you until you say 3 nice things.

Jane: How are you not talking to me, (sits up) IF YOU’RE TALKING TO ME?!  (Angela keeps her back to her, ignoring her) I found all the lids to my Tupperware, and I, I, I don’t have leprosy.  And (softer) my really, really sweet mother left the comforts of her FREE Beacon Hill guest house to come stay with me in my crappy little apartment because she loves me.

Angela: (turns, walks to bed) Yes, I do.  (reaches for a hug)

Jane: No, no hugging.  No hugging.  And this is where you tell me it’s not a crappy little apartment.

Angela: Uh uh.  (shaking head)

Jane: Ma.

Angela: (looks around, keeps lips sealed) Uh uh.

Jane: MA!!

Frankie: (Jane grabs omelet off his plate)  Hey!  Nice manners.  Your mother would be so proud!

Angela: No she wouldn’t!

Angela: Jane Clemen--

Jane: (pointing) DON’T you say it.

Frost: I thought you stopped with the jelly donuts.

Korsak: Don’t bust my balls.

Frost: Keep eating things like that you won’t be able to see your balls.

Korsak: I don’t need to see my balls.

Frost: 20 grams of fat, Dude.

Korsak: What are you a girl?

Jane: Ya know, I’ve never said it before, but I’m a very big fan of your work, Dr. Pike.

Frost & Pike: (in unison) You are?!

Frost: (to Jane, glaring at Pike) Think anybody would notice if there was suddenly another corpse down here?!

Jane: (sees Maura walk into her office, stands in doorway) You’re back.

Maura: (back to Jane) Did you ever return my book “Soothing Paint Choices for the Home”?

Jane: (annoyed) Yea a long time ago.  (uncomfortably)  So you’re back.

Maura: That’s odd because I can’t seem to find it.

Jane: Did you ever return my “Guns of the World” digest?

Maura: (keeping her back turned) I always return things I borrow.

Jane: You sure?!

Maura: (turning around) Of course I’m sure.  Maybe you lost it.  You do lose things.  (looking around her office, gathering things)  Has Dr. Pike been sitting in my chair?!

Jane: Could be.  Why?  Is it broken?  Want me to find out if he’s been sleeping in your bed too?  (Pike walks into office) 

Pike: Are you looking for me?

Jane: What about your food?  Dr. Pike, have you been eating Maura’s porridge?!

Pike: Of course not.

Maura: I’m glad that you think you’re so funny.  (resumes gathering things)

Jane: It’s better being funny than Poindexter the Know-it-all.

Maura: Well, I’d rather be Poindexter the Know-it-all than the Hoi Polloi.

Jane: Good one, Maura. 

Maura: You don’t even know what it means.

Pike: It’s common.  Literal translation is the great unwashed.

Jane: Classy.  Hide your insults in Latin.

Maura: It’s Greek.

Jane: Oh, the Geek that knows Greek!

Pike: (in background, making a call)  We have a rapidly escalating assault and battery in the morgue.

Jane: Do you realize how ridiculous you sound?!  Do you know people laugh at you behind your back?!

Maura: Well they call you a bitch behind yours!

Pike: (still into his phone) Yes, I’m keeping a safe distance.  I’m gonna have to put you on speaker.  (holds phone up as if taking a video)

Jane: Well at least when my father gets pissed off he doesn’t stab people with an ice pick!

Maura: At least my father didn’t move to Florida to sleep with some floozy he met at a pizza parlor.  Or was it a massage parlor?

Jane: Oh look at you!  Goin’ all Trailer Trash Snookie!

Maura: I watched that show ONCE!  ONCE!!  It was for ethnographic research!

(Cavanaugh comes in, grabs phone from Pike, whistles)

Cavanaugh: Break it up, ladies.  What’s goin on?

IA Guy: What the hell is happening in your house Lieutenant?! 

Cavanaugh: I got it under control.

IA Guy: I can see that!  A Homicide Detective and a Medical Examiner are having a cat fight that needs police intervention!

Jane: A cat fight?!  (Italian hands!)  Did you really just call a disagreement between two female colleagues A CAT FIGHT?!

Maura: (aside) Actually aggression between two female--

Jane: Oh for the love of Pete, stop!

IA Guy: I want Detective Rizzoli placed on leave.

Cavanaugh: I’ll go one step better.  Rizzoli I’m transferring you out of homicide.

RizzIsles: (in angry stereo) WHAT?!

Cavanaugh: You got 30 seconds to get your ass over to Evidence Management.

Jane: Place me on leave!  Don’t send me there!

Cavanaugh: Go NOW!  (Jane glances at Maura and storms out)

Pike: What about Dr. Isles?  She was part of the cat fight too.

Maura: (grabs her stuff, hands envelope to Pike)  You’re in charge now.

Pike: I am?

Cavanaugh: What’s in that envelope?

Maura: My resignation.

Korsak: Jane didn’t know Dean would be there.  Is that why you resigned?

Maura: I’m the daughter of a mobster.  You’re all under investigation for trying to protect me.

Frost: Whoa!  You’re melting down an Desert Eagle?!  What a shame!

Jane: Unless you wanna sneak it out in your pants.

Frost: There’s no room.

Cavanaugh: (responding to knock on door) Come in.

Jane: Sir, there’s something you need to see.

Cavanaugh: I was starting to worry about you, Rizzoli.  What took you so long?

Jane: You put me there on purpose, didn’t you? 

(Scene change: Cavanaugh picking lock at a house with BPD Homicide Team)

Cavanaugh: I suspected Paddy had someone in Evidence so I figured who best to keep an eye on things than pissed off Jane Rizzoli.  We get caught we’re here to get Wally’s dress uniform to bury him in.  Got that?

Jane: Ma, where is it?

Angela: Where is what?

Jane: That really creepy drawing that Maura gave you.  Where is it?  Get it.

Angela: Why?

Jane: Just get it.  I promise I won’t hurt it.  Please.  (Compares picture from Paddy’s case file to drawing)

Angela: Oh my God!  Who is she?!

(Jane runs out)

Jane: (hold sketch and picture to show Constance who is sitting by Paddy’s bedside in the hospital) Who is this?

Constance: It’s Maura’s mother.

Jane: What’s her name?

Constance: I don’t know.  I never knew.

Jane: He drew this?

Constance: He showed up at my Art Class at Harvard.  I thought he was a student.  I tried to encourage him.  Then he just disappeared.

Jane: And then, what, you found yourself pregnant with Maura?

Constance: (turning to look at Jane, annoyed) No.  Paddy showed up months later with a newborn in his arms.  He said the baby’s mother had died during childbirth. 

Jane: Why didn’t his family take Maura?

Constance: His father would’ve killed the baby.  He didn’t trust anybody… but me.

Jane: Why did he draw this?

Constance: They used to meet at the Boston Cemetery.  It’s the only place they were safe from his father.

Jane: (kneeling at “Maura’s” gravestone) Paddy told everyone that Maura and her mother had died.  What if Maura’s mother is still alive?

Angela: I think a parent would do anything to keep his child safe.

Jane: Even lie to the woman you loved to tell her her baby died?

Angela: (softly) Even that.  (kissing Jane’s cheek, hugs her)

IA Guy: I’m lucky like that Detective.  (puts gun to Jane’s chest)

Jane: Yea.  You feelin’ lucky right now?  (Guy pulls trigger, nothing happens)  No firing pin.  I took them out of all the guns.  That’s not luck that’s just covering my bases.

Cavanaugh: Good work Rizzoli.  Now get out of those khakis and get back to homicide.

Jane: Thanks boss.  (sideways glance at Maura walking into Paddy’s room)

Cavanaugh: You get better so we can move you to Walpole.

(Angry, hurt RizzIsles eye contact)

Maura: (to Paddy) I want to know something.  Would you have shot her?

Paddy: (strained speech) Hell yeah.  You’re a cop.  (Maura looks hurt and uncomfortable)

Jane: I got something I need to show you.

(Maura looks at Paddy, follows Jane out of room) – (Maura kneeling at “her” grave, crying)

Maura: I always wondered why she never looked for me.

Jane: Is there anything I can do.

Maura: Please go.  (Jane hesitates then walks away)  Wait, there is one thing.  Tell Pike I want my chair back.

(Hopeful Jane smile as she resumes walking)

Italian Hands! >>