Saturday, August 11, 2012
Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.02 -- "Living Proof"
Case: A pregnant woman is killed; Her child is delivered and survived; The web of finding the biological parents starts to unravel
RizzIsles: Jane and Maura try to relax at a spa but are interrupted by murder; Motherly instincts arise in both of them as they check-in with the baby of the victim and the case unravels
(RizzIsles sitting in mud baths at a spa)
Jane: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.
Maura: It’s good for you.
Jane: Taking a dirt bath seems sort of, I don’t know, unhealthy.
Maura: It’s clay not dirt. 75% American coliod, hpm 20, and 25% western bentonite, from Utah.
Jane: Ohh, it’s from Utah. Why didn’t you say so? Spending 80 bucks to be submerged in Utah dirt is still a waste of money.
Maura: Clay. The first recorded use of a medicinal clay bath Mesopotamia. It’s my gift to you.
Jane: Next time just give me the cash.
Maura: It’s a wonderful way to eliminate toxic substances.
Jane: How?! I’m up to my neck in toxic substances!
Maura: Well hydrate with the lemon water. It’s very important.
Jane: I’m hungry.
Maura: (with mouthful of water) No no. Heavy burden on the metabolism. (peacefully puts her head back)
Jane: (pouts, looks around, sarcastically) Gee, I’m having so much fun. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun marinating in mud.
Jane: You did not just shh me.
Maura: An inability to relax can result in a dangerous buildup of cortisol.
Jane: I want you to understand something. I don’t like being shushed. My mother shushes.
Maura: (patiently) Okay, can you please stop talking?
Jane: Same as shushing. (shakes her head, sits still for a minute) Okay, that’s good. Let’s go do something else. C’mon. How do I get out of here?!
Maura: I’ve only done one c-section.
Jane: That’s one more than me.
Maura: (sadly) Poor baby. His mother’s dead.
Jane: (gently) Yea but he has a life. We’re gonna find him a family, alright?
(Jane unlocking door to her apartment)
Angela: (yelling from inside apartment) Jane?? Is that you?
Jane: Yea it’s me, Ma. (stops to see Angela on a ladder testing paint colors on her wall)
Angela: Surprise! (huge, phony grin from Jane, turns to grimace as she turns to shut door behind her) I’m so glad you’re home. Now you can help me decide. I was, um, cleaning out the basement and I found these cans of paint. And you know your father, he never throws anything out.
Jane: Ma, this is my home.
Angela: I know. Look, Marmalade, Wild Orchid or Begonia. (off Jane’s look) What? You don’t like any of these. (Jane puts her head in her hands) That’s okay we’ll get a different color. Make it feel more like you.
Jane: This reminds me of the time I asked for a bunk bed and you “surprised” me with a pink canopy.
Angela: I thought you loved that bed!
Jane: I asked for a bunk bed because I wanted to build a fort, Ma, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. (Angela’s dejected face) I wish you knew I HATE pink.
Angela: It’s Begonia!
Jane: Then I hate Begonia too! (Angela throws towel down, takes off smock) Ma. Ma! (Angela heads for door to leave) Aw, c’mon Ma!
Angela: I want you to know Missy, I got stretch marks for you! (slams door behind her)
Maura: Marmalade is the new black.
Jane: If you say anything like that to my mother when you see her--
Maura: (looks up, confused) Like what?
Jane: Like encouraging, or supportive. I will--
Maura: (sarcastic) You willlll…. Hm. Well, Korsak will arrest you if you kill me, so, you will paint my house Wild Orchid?
Maura: She was just trying to help.
Jane: No, she’s trying to find something to do with her life.
Jane: (watching Maura look through stomach contents) What’s that?
Maura: Broccoli particulates, salmon. Can’t tell if it’s farmed or wild caught.
Jane: Oh, what a drag. We could’ve solved the case like that. No, the blue thing! What is that a pill? What is that?
Maura: It’s more teal than blue. (pausing, inquisitive, smiling Maura face) The stomach’s contents are like someone’s grocery bag. It’s so revealing. It’s my favorite part.
Jane: Gosh, mine too. Except the intestines. I do not know how you can enjoy doing an autopsy.
Maura: Well, I’m distracting myself to do this one, Jane. I’m thinking about that baby too.
Jane: (with understanding) Yea. I called the hospital. He’s still critical. I may go see him tonight.
Maura: I saw him this morning.
Jane: (intrigued) Really? Are we getting--
Maura: What? Cravings for pickles? No.
(Maura flipping through a victim’s chart)
Jane: What’s wrong?
Jane: Tell that to your face; it looks pretty bothered.
Jane: Sum it up for me, Maura.
Maura: (discussing victim) No, no, she had quite robust reproductive organs.
Jane: (to Frost) Do you find that sexy in a woman? Robust reproductive organs?
Frost: First thing I look for.
Frankie: (to Korsak, awkwardly, avoiding eye contact) Hey.
Korsak: (to Frankie, awkwardly) Hey, uh, how ya doin?
Jane: You two dating?
Frankie: (handing flyer to Jane) See this? Ma’s having a Yard Sale tomorrow. Oh, read the fine print.
Jane: At my house?! COME ON!!
Jane: What a fabulous idea. Have a Yard Sale. At my house.
Angela: Why don’t you just bring down all the horrible gifts I’ve ever given you. And you can just sell them.
Jane: C’mon, Ma. I’m sorry.
Woman: (holding up book ends) How much for these?
Jane: Uh $2.
Woman: I’ll give you 50 cents.
Jane: That thing is nicer than my car. It probably converts into a tractor trailer. Two bucks. (Couple walks away) What? What’d I say?
Maura: (smugly) You’re not very good at sales.
Jane: That stroller cost 300 bucks, easy!
Maura: (craning her neck to see) Uh, $1,049.99.
Jane: (patronizingly) Oh and how do we know that?! Maura? Have you been shopping for baby stuff?
Maura: (uncomfortable) No. No. I was online buying a necklace and the baby, store, was just a click away, so I was looking.
Jane: Well stop. You don’t have a baby.
Maura: (sighing) Yet.
Jane: Trust me. I did a lot of babysitting. Babies aren’t accessories.
Maura: (offended) I do not think they are accessories.
(Maura examining a tiny painting)
Angela: You like that?
Maura: Well it’s… I’m surprised it’s--
Jane: (behind Angela, pointing to her) Surprised it’s still here, right?? Somebody hasn’t snatched it up. Beautiful, huh?
Maura: (fake, deliberate smile) Yes. It’s unusual. Um, who is the artist?
Angela: It’s me.
Angela: It’s a landscape. (explains child-like painting) That’s our backyard and those are the two swings. I was gonna ask for 5.
Maura: (exchanging glances with Jane) Hundred? It’s priceless. Yes. Let me. (pulls wad of cash out of her pocket, Jane looks on smiling warmly and in disbelief)
Angela: (delighted, hugs Maura) Thanks!!
Frost: (finding a toy in a box he’s helping move) No! Noo! Guardian Chogarkin! I’ll give ya a hundred bucks for it.
Jane: Sold. (to Maura) I’m not good at sales?
Maura: (shakes off Jane’s look, to Frost) 120.
Frost: It’s not ITB.
Maura: (to Jane) In The Box. More valuable the less it’s played with. (to Frost) He is a steal at 120, Detective Frost. (hold out her hand, Frost growls and glares, smiles then pays her)
Jane: Show off.
Maura: (winking and smugly smiling at Jane) Thank you.
Frankie: (walking over to Frost and RizzIsles) No, Chograkin goes in the keep pile.
Jane: Frankie that doll’s been in the basement for 20 years.
Frankie: It’s not a doll. It’s an action figure. (Frost nods in agreement, to Frost) Gimme that.
Frost: Whoa! I just bought this.
Jane: Frankie, stop it. Frost, take the doll.
Frankie & Frost: Action Figure.
(When they arrive at Clinic)
Nurse: (to Jane & Frost) As one of the fertility specialists here, I just have to tell you that bi-racial couples make the most beautiful babies.
Jane: No no, we’re Boston Homicide.
(As they are leaving Clinic)
Nurse: …and I am serious. Bi-racial couples. Such cute babies!!
Jane: Thanks. We’re good.
(When they return to Headquarters)
Frost: Hey Korsak! Wanna be a Godfather?!
(Frost and Jane walk into Nursery at Hospital; Angela is in Nursery with a baby directly against her chest)
Frost: Is your mother…
Jane: (deadpan) Breastfeeding.
Maura: Your mother is the best Kangaroo Volunteer!
Frost: (uncomfortable) I don’t think, I, should, be, here. (leaves)
(Jane uncomfortably waves to her mom through the window)
Maura: It’s not really fair. All a blood test is going to tell us is who Baby John Doe’s biological parents are.
Jane: How else are you going to do it, King Solomon? You can’t cut him in half.
Maura: You can find out who would be the better parents.
Jane: You got a test for that?
Maura: Can’t be sure without the knife.
Jane: Oh right. (patting down her own pockets) If I had the knife I wouldn’t be asking.
Korsak: Well, the father’s go through stuff too!
Jane: What? Two minutes with a magazine?
Korsak: There’s nothing fun about doing it with a magazine.
Frost: Well, it depends on what magazine, right, Korsak?
(Frost & Korsak stifle their laughs)
Jane: (into phone) Hey, where are you?
Maura: (innocently) Um, why do you ask?
Jane: Oh God, you’re terrible at lying. You’re playing Mommy Kangaroo, aren’t you?
Maura: Ugh, how did you know?
Maura: (holding baby, letting Jane into NICU) Hiii, do you want to feed him? (looks at Jane) What’s wrong?
Jane: I’m just, I’m glad he’s okay. (to Nurse) Excuse me. Can you call your head of Security please? I need to speak with him.
Maura: Here. You go ahead and hold him while you tell me what’s going on.
Jane: (uncomfortable) Maura.
Maura: C’mon, here ya go. (placing baby in Jane’s arms) He’ll help calm you down.
Jane: He’s so, less blue.
Maura: (softly and sweetly) Can you feel it?
Jane: (softly and gently) Feel what?
Maura: (softly) A surge of oxytocin, the mothering hormone. Primates also secrete it during sexual intercourse.
(back in the mud baths)
Jane: I couldn’t believe it when you put yourself between Nurse Wackjob Randy and the baby.
Maura: You protected him too.
Jane: Well, I just never saw you as the maternal type.
Maura: You didn’t? I’ve always seen you as the maternal type.
Jane: (lifts her head, opens her eyes and looks over at Maura) Are you lying?
Maura: (smirks) Yes.
Jane: I hope you get hives.
Maura: (laughing) The clay will prevent a histamine reaction.
Jane: Yes, it was wonderful. Now please be quiet; I’m trying to enjoy my dirt bath.
Jane: Sshh, shh, shh.
Maura: (mock outrage) Did you just shush me?!
Jane: (annoyed) YES! Where is my lemon water?
Maura: Why do you get to keep on talking?
Jane: Lemon water, please? (Maura scrunches her face at Jane; throws clay at her) Maura, stop! I’m not kidding. (Maura giggles and throws more).
Maura: Stop it. (gathers more)
Jane: You stop it. Stop it or they’re gonna charge us for the robes again.