Saturday, August 11, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.02 -- "Living Proof"

Case: A pregnant woman is killed; Her child is delivered and survived; The web of finding the biological parents starts to unravel
RizzIsles: Jane and Maura try to relax at a spa but are interrupted by murder; Motherly instincts arise in both of them as they check-in with the baby of the victim and the case unravels

(RizzIsles sitting in mud baths at a spa)
Jane: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.
Maura: It’s good for you.
Jane: Taking a dirt bath seems sort of, I don’t know, unhealthy.
Maura: It’s clay not dirt.  75% American coliod, hpm 20, and 25% western bentonite, from Utah.
Jane: Ohh, it’s from Utah.  Why didn’t you say so?  Spending 80 bucks to be submerged in Utah dirt is still a waste of money.
Maura: Clay.  The first recorded use of a medicinal clay bath Mesopotamia.  It’s my gift to you.
Jane: Next time just give me the cash.
Maura: It’s a wonderful way to eliminate toxic substances.
Jane: How?! I’m up to my neck in toxic substances!
Maura: Well hydrate with the lemon water.  It’s very important.
Jane: I’m hungry.
Maura: (with mouthful of water) No no.  Heavy burden on the metabolism. (peacefully puts her head back)
Jane: (pouts, looks around, sarcastically) Gee, I’m having so much fun.  I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun marinating in mud.
Maura: Sshhh.
Jane: You did not just shh me. 
Maura: An inability to relax can result in a dangerous buildup of cortisol.
Jane: I want you to understand something.  I don’t like being shushed.  My mother shushes.
Maura: (patiently) Okay, can you please stop talking?
Jane: Same as shushing.  (shakes her head, sits still for a minute)  Okay, that’s good.  Let’s go do something else.  C’mon.  How do I get out of here?!
Maura: Jane.
Jane: Maura.

Maura: I’ve only done one c-section.
Jane: That’s one more than me.

Maura: (sadly)  Poor baby.  His mother’s dead.
Jane: (gently)  Yea but he has a life.  We’re gonna find him a family, alright?

(Jane unlocking door to her apartment)
Angela: (yelling from inside apartment) Jane??  Is that you?
Jane: Yea it’s me, Ma.  (stops to see Angela on a ladder testing paint colors on her wall)
Angela: Surprise!  (huge, phony grin from Jane, turns to grimace as she turns to shut door behind her)  I’m so glad you’re home.  Now you can help me decide.  I was, um, cleaning out the basement and I found these cans of paint.  And you know your father, he never throws anything out.
Jane: Ma, this is my home.
Angela: I know.  Look, Marmalade, Wild Orchid or Begonia.  (off Jane’s look)  What?  You don’t like any of these.  (Jane puts her head in her hands)  That’s okay we’ll get a different color.  Make it feel more like you.
Jane: This reminds me of the time I asked for a bunk bed and you “surprised” me with a pink canopy.
Angela: I thought you loved that bed!
Jane: I asked for a bunk bed because I wanted to build a fort, Ma, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.  (Angela’s dejected face)  I wish you knew I HATE pink.
Angela: It’s Begonia!
Jane: Then I hate Begonia too!  (Angela throws towel down, takes off smock)  Ma.  Ma!  (Angela heads for door to leave)  Aw, c’mon Ma!
Angela: I want you to know Missy, I got stretch marks for you!  (slams door behind her)

Maura: Marmalade is the new black.
Jane: If you say anything like that to my mother when you see her--
Maura: (looks up, confused) Like what?
Jane: Like encouraging, or supportive.  I will--
Maura: (sarcastic)  You willlll…. Hm.  Well, Korsak will arrest you if you kill me, so, you will paint my house Wild Orchid?
Jane: Exactly.
Maura: She was just trying to help.
Jane: No, she’s trying to find something to do with her life.

Jane: (watching Maura look through stomach contents)  What’s that?
Maura: Broccoli particulates, salmon.  Can’t tell if it’s farmed or wild caught.
Jane: Oh, what a drag.  We could’ve solved the case like that.  No, the blue thing!  What is that a pill?  What is that?
Maura: It’s more teal than blue.  (pausing, inquisitive, smiling Maura face)  The stomach’s contents are like someone’s grocery bag.  It’s so revealing.  It’s my favorite part.
Jane: Gosh, mine too.  Except the intestines.  I do not know how you can enjoy doing an autopsy.

Maura: Well, I’m distracting myself to do this one, Jane.  I’m thinking about that baby too.
Jane: (with understanding) Yea.  I called the hospital.  He’s still critical.  I may go see him tonight.
Maura: I saw him this morning.
Jane: (intrigued) Really?  Are we getting--
Maura: What?  Cravings for pickles?  No.

(Maura flipping through a victim’s chart)
Jane: What’s wrong?
Maura: Nothing.
Jane: Tell that to your face; it looks pretty bothered.

Jane: Sum it up for me, Maura.

Maura: (discussing victim)  No, no, she had quite robust reproductive organs.
Jane: (to Frost) Do you find that sexy in a woman?  Robust reproductive organs?
Frost: First thing I look for.

Frankie: (to Korsak, awkwardly, avoiding eye contact) Hey.
Korsak: (to Frankie, awkwardly) Hey, uh, how ya doin?
Jane: You two dating?

Frankie: (handing flyer to Jane) See this?  Ma’s having a Yard Sale tomorrow.  Oh, read the fine print.
Jane: At my house?!  COME ON!!

Jane: What a fabulous idea.  Have a Yard Sale.  At my house.
Angela: Why don’t you just bring down all the horrible gifts I’ve ever given you.  And you can just sell them.
Jane: C’mon, Ma.  I’m sorry.

Woman: (holding up book ends)  How much for these?
Jane: Uh $2.
Woman: I’ll give you 50 cents.
Jane: That thing is nicer than my car.  It probably converts into a tractor trailer.  Two bucks.  (Couple walks away)  What?  What’d I say?
Maura: (smugly) You’re not very good at sales.
Jane: That stroller cost 300 bucks, easy!
Maura: (craning her neck to see) Uh, $1,049.99.
Jane: (patronizingly) Oh and how do we know that?!  Maura?  Have you been shopping for baby stuff?
Maura: (uncomfortable) No.  No.  I was online buying a necklace and the baby, store, was just a click away, so I was looking.
Jane: Well stop.  You don’t have a baby.
Maura: (sighing) Yet.
Jane: Trust me.  I did a lot of babysitting.  Babies aren’t accessories.
Maura: (offended) I do not think they are accessories. 

(Maura examining a tiny painting)
Angela: You like that?
Maura: Well it’s… I’m surprised it’s--
Jane: (behind Angela, pointing to her) Surprised it’s still here, right??  Somebody hasn’t snatched it up.  Beautiful, huh?
Maura: (fake, deliberate smile) Yes.  It’s unusual.  Um, who is the artist?
Angela: It’s me.
Maura: Oh.
Angela: It’s a landscape.  (explains child-like painting)  That’s our backyard and those are the two swings.  I was gonna ask for 5.
Maura: (exchanging glances with Jane)  Hundred?  It’s priceless.  Yes.  Let me.  (pulls wad of cash out of her pocket, Jane looks on smiling warmly and in disbelief)
Angela: (delighted, hugs Maura)  Thanks!!

Frost: (finding a toy in a box he’s helping move) No!  Noo!  Guardian Chogarkin!  I’ll give ya a hundred bucks for it.
Jane: Sold.  (to Maura)  I’m not good at sales?
Maura: (shakes off Jane’s look, to Frost)  120.
Frost: It’s not ITB.
Maura: (to Jane) In The Box.  More valuable the less it’s played with.  (to Frost)  He is a steal at 120, Detective Frost.  (hold out her hand, Frost growls and glares, smiles then pays her)
Jane: Show off.
Maura: (winking and smugly smiling at Jane)  Thank you.

Frankie: (walking over to Frost and RizzIsles) No, Chograkin goes in the keep pile.
Jane: Frankie that doll’s been in the basement for 20 years.
Frankie: It’s not a doll.  It’s an action figure.  (Frost nods in agreement, to Frost) Gimme that.
Frost: Whoa!  I just bought this.
Jane: Frankie, stop it.  Frost, take the doll.
Frankie & Frost: Action Figure.
Jane: Whatever.

(When they arrive at Clinic)
Nurse: (to Jane & Frost)  As one of the fertility specialists here, I just have to tell you that bi-racial couples make the most beautiful babies.
Jane: No no, we’re Boston Homicide.
(As they are leaving Clinic)
Nurse: …and I am serious.  Bi-racial couples.  Such cute babies!!
Jane: Thanks.  We’re good.
(When they return to Headquarters)
Frost: Hey Korsak!  Wanna be a Godfather?!

(Frost and Jane walk into Nursery at Hospital; Angela is in Nursery with a baby directly against her chest)
Frost: Is your mother…
Jane: (deadpan) Breastfeeding.
Maura: Your mother is the best Kangaroo Volunteer!
Frost: (uncomfortable)  I don’t think, I, should, be, here.  (leaves)
(Jane uncomfortably waves to her mom through the window)

Maura: It’s not really fair.  All a blood test is going to tell us is who Baby John Doe’s biological parents are.
Jane: How else are you going to do it, King Solomon?  You can’t cut him in half.
Maura: You can find out who would be the better parents.
Jane: You got a test for that?

Maura: Can’t be sure without the knife.
Jane: Oh right.  (patting down her own pockets)  If I had the knife I wouldn’t be asking.

Korsak: Well, the father’s go through stuff too!
Jane: What?  Two minutes with a magazine?
Korsak: There’s nothing fun about doing it with a magazine.
Frost: Well, it depends on what magazine, right, Korsak?
Jane: Really?!
(Frost & Korsak stifle their laughs)

Jane: (into phone)  Hey, where are you?
Maura: (innocently) Um, why do you ask?
Jane: Oh God, you’re terrible at lying.  You’re playing Mommy Kangaroo, aren’t you?
Maura: Ugh, how did you know?

Maura: (holding baby, letting Jane into NICU)  Hiii, do you want to feed him?  (looks at Jane)  What’s wrong?
Jane: I’m just, I’m glad he’s okay.  (to Nurse)  Excuse me.  Can you call your head of Security please?  I need to speak with him.
Maura:  Here.  You go ahead and hold him while you tell me what’s going on.
Jane: (uncomfortable)  Maura.
Maura: C’mon, here ya go.  (placing baby in Jane’s arms)  He’ll help calm you down.
Jane: He’s so, less blue.
Maura: (softly and sweetly)  Can you feel it?
Jane: (softly and gently)  Feel what?
Maura: (softly) A surge of oxytocin, the mothering hormone.  Primates also secrete it during sexual intercourse.
Jane: Maura.

(back in the mud baths)
Jane: I couldn’t believe it when you put yourself between Nurse Wackjob Randy and the baby.
Maura: You protected him too.
Jane: Well, I just never saw you as the maternal type.
Maura: You didn’t?  I’ve always seen you as the maternal type.
Jane: (lifts her head, opens her eyes and looks over at Maura)  Are you lying?
Maura: (smirks) Yes.
Jane: I hope you get hives.
Maura: (laughing) The clay will prevent a histamine reaction.

Jane: Yes, it was wonderful.  Now please be quiet; I’m trying to enjoy my dirt bath.
Maura: Clay. 
Jane: Sshh, shh, shh.
Maura: (mock outrage)  Did you just shush me?!
Jane: (annoyed) YES!  Where is my lemon water?
Maura: Why do you get to keep on talking?
Jane: Lemon water, please?  (Maura scrunches her face at Jane; throws clay at her)  Maura, stop!  I’m not kidding.  (Maura giggles and throws more).
Maura: Stop it. (gathers more)
Jane: You stop it.  Stop it or they’re gonna charge us for the robes again.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Share your RizzIsles thoughts/insights/opinions here! :)