Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.06 -- "Money Maker"

Case: Man is killed at a cloak and mask party
RizzIsles: Maura has an opportunity to spend more time with Hope and to meet her half-sister; Her half-sister figures out who she is and Maura ends up coming clean to Hope too;

Maura: The joy… of controlling how the hot water rises before a torrent of pressure penetrates the tamped beans.
Jane: Okay.  I’m done watching coffee porn.
Maura: How did instant get in my cupboard?!  (Sly look from Jane)  You are so impatient!
Jane: Maura, I just want a cup of coffee not a Roman orgy.

(Angela walks in in a cute dress)
Jane: (double-take)  Where are you going?  A garden party?
Angela: I’m going to work.
Jane: Like that?!
Maura: I think she looks beautiful!  And I love your shoes!
Angela: Oh, thank you.  It’s been a while since I’ve worn high heels.
Jane: 30 years is more than a while.

Jane: I think my mom has a gentlemen caller.
Maura: Your mother is a beautiful woman.
Jane: (matter of factly)  My mother flosses in bed.

(Phone rings)
Maura: Oh.  It’s Hope.
Jane: Answer it!
Maura: What do I say??
Jane: Hello biological mom, Hope.  My name is Maura.  I didn’t die at birth.
Maura: Shut up.
Jane: You shouldn’t say shut up.

Maura: Why did I invite them here?!  This place is a wreck!!
Jane: (sarcastically appalled)  Oh I’d be so embarrassed to invite anyone but me here.

Jane: O!  Saved by murder.  C’mon.
Maura: No, no.  I have way too much to do.
Jane: Okay.  I think I can do an autopsy by now.
Maura: I have to take a shower.
Jane: Maura.  Hot water gets shut off in 3 minutes.  Bathroom’s that way.

Maura: I didn’t even ask her if she was a Vegan.  What if she’s allergic to shellfish?
Jane: You just said she’s a Vegan.
Maura: No I did not.

Maura: I can’t pull together a formal dinner in 10 hours!
Jane: Considering it takes you 4 hours to make a cup of coffee.
(Maura starts getting flustered)
Jane: No, no no.  Not the heavy breathing.  Stop and I’ll help you.  Call my mother.  You flatter her.  Tell her what a great cook she is.  She’ll cook for you.
Maura: Such an imposition.
Jane: Not if you invite her to dinner.

Maura: Is this your listing?  It’s a beautiful property.
Realtor: Georgette Wilkins.  I have many other properties.  In all the exclusive neighborhoods.  Gimme a call.  (Hands Maura her card; Jane holds out her hand)
Jane: What makes you think I can’t afford a $3m home?

Korsack: Division Detective didin’t know what to make of it.
Maura: It’s the entire right fossa triangularis and the scaffa.
Jane: Did ya hear that Korsack?  It’s a whole fossil triangle with a scaffold.
Maura: It’s the right ear.

Jane: I think we’ve found the body that goes to that ear.
Maura: Well I’m not prepared to say conclusively until I’ve tested tissue samples.
Jane: Maura he’s got one ear!

Jane: What’s a millionaire hedge fund manager doing in a garbage can in a mask and a cloak?
Maura: Hiding?
Jane: (laughing)  Thank you Sherlock Holmes.

Maura: (holding a heart)  My preliminary examination indicates that he experienced a cardiac event.
Jane: It was quite an event.
Maura: You haven’t heard the best part.  Let’s talk about his penis.
Jane: If we must.  (lifting sheet)  I’m not seeing much to talk about.
Maura: Did you see the needle marks??
Jane: No!  I didn’t look that close.

Maura: Injection therapy is very popular.
Jane: Yea.  Sure.  Who wouldn’t want to shoot up their privates?

Angela: I don’t think Calin should’ve been forced to have dinner with us.
Jane: Why weren’t you this evolved when I was 18?!

(Maura pulls rolled up towel out of cooler and offers to Jane)
Jane: (stares suspiciously)  What is that?
Maura: A chilled lavender towel.  Put it on your neck. 
Jane: No.  (looks back down and keeps eating)
Maura: It’s very soothing.  It’s used for treating animarrea, athletes foot, vaginitis.
Jane: I’m eating.  I don’t need to be soothed.
Maura: (putting towel around her own neck instead)  Our victim’s tox report came back.  No sign of his erectile dysfunction medication.
Jane: Still eating!  He was injected with something; what was it?
Maura: Still testing.  I dissected his heart tissue.  (Jane puts fork down)  Whatever drug was injected did cause a heart attack.

Frankie and Frost “rapping” and “dancing” to “The Driz” and Crunk in the Trunk!  No.  Words.  …only watching it can TRULY capture its AMAZINGNESS!!!

(Maura swabbing dessert)
Jane: Is that last night’s dessert?  And am I about to get sick?
Maura: I think we’re a match.
Jane: You’re not really my type.
Maura: Me and Calin.
Jane: I think we’re having different conversations.

Maura: I donated anonymously.
Jane: Are you going to take it out yourself too?!  What are you crazy?!  No.  No!

(Jane listens with clear admiration and love)
Maura: What?  You only need one kidney.
Jane: You’re incredible.
Maura: You’d do the same for one of your brothers.
Jane: They’d have to be really, really nice.  I’d definitely do it for you though.

Sister Winfred: Children are dying because of you!
The Driz: Shakin’ booty never killed nobody.
Sister Winifred:  Anybody.  (storms off)

Hope: It’s my job as a mother to protect my child I failed.  Twice.
Maura: You said your first baby died.  How can that be your fault?  And Calin, she’s a teenager.  It’s her job to push you away.  It says that she’s strong.  Because of you.

Hope:  Maura, I feel like I’ve already lost my daughter.  Not to this illness, but--
Maura: (taking her hand, maintaining composure)  You haven’t.  I know you haven’t.

Jane: Is that what stopped his heart?
Maura: Well, that’s what was injected into his penis.
(Other diners turn to look)
Jane: You’re gonna get us kicked out of this place.
Maura: Why?  Because I said potassium chloride?  (smirking)

(Reading menu)
Jane: What are baby jewels and gems?
Maura: Lettuce.
Jane: We don’t call those vertical room separators.
Maura: (smiling)  You mean the walls?
Jane: Lett-u-ce.  Pre-ten-tious.  (notices suspect walking)  Oh!  She’s going to the bathroom!
Maura: I’m coming.
Jane: What?! No.
Maura: (urgent whispering)  I have to pee!
Jane: You better be telling the truth.
Maura: All mammals have to pee.

Maura: (applying lipstick in bathroom mirror)  Hi.  It’s safe to talk in front of me.  I’m working on the case too.

Maura: Before we do anything.  May I have one of your hairs with the root ball attached please?
Realtor/Suspect:  What??  Ew.
(Maura potentially offended face)

Maura: YES!!  (smiling seductively)  What are we going to wear??  I have never been a high class hooker before!  (Jane groans and walks away)  What??

Maura: I hate this outfit.
Jane: Would you stop complaining about the outfit already.
Maura: (whiny)  Why couldn’t we dress up like call girls??  They look so cute!
Jane: They have to take their clothes OFF, Maura.
Maura: Oh.
Jane: Let’s find a place for your science kit.

(Guys checking out hookers on surveillance)
Jane: You guys know we can hear you, right?

(Drunk hooker sees Maura in the bathroom; Maura quickly scrambles to hide science kit)
Hooker: Wow.  How’d you get in?
Maura: (posing and smiling)  What do you mean?
Hooker:  You’re like not even a indium.
Maura: AN indium.
Hooker:  So what are you like tin or something?
Jane: We’re like aluminum foil.

Jane: I’m gonna go check out the Leather Room.
Maura:  Leather certainly bears further study.  It’s a historical fetish.  (looks into microscope; Jane walks out)  Think about it.  Corsets, dog collars, (looks up to see she’s alone; keeps talking quietly) whips, belts.

Maura: These are the lab results for the jelly-like substance on Neil’s cloak.  It’s calcium alcitate.
Jane: Otherwise known as…

Maura: (opening front door) Cailin, hi.
Cailin: Do you know what the name Cailin means?
Maura: No.
Cailin: It means uncertain.  That’s the name that my mother picked for me.  Maura means great. 
Maura: Yes, I know. (looks down)
Cailin: That’s the name she picked for you.
Maura: Cailin, please let me explain.
Cailin: Can you explain why (pulling up article on her iPad) you called my mother, out-of-the-blue?  With some bullshit story
Maura: This is very complicated. 
Cailin: She’s trying to bond with me now, since I’m dying.  Ya know.  Makeup for all those years she wasn’t there.
Maura: You’re not going to die.
Cailin: (mock mother tone) Don’t, don’t do what I did, Cailin.  Right.  Like I’m gonna have time to fall in love, (getting choked up) get pregnant, have a baby… hold that baby once before she dies.  You um, you put it back up.  I went snooping.  I found it, in the bathroom. I mean it is my mother isn’t it.  And that’s that’s your gravestone.  Which is weird because you look okay to me.
Maura: Please just let me explain.  I didn’t mean for anything of this t--
Cailin: Do you have any idea what it’s like?!  To grow up in the shadow of a dead baby?!  I was never enough.
Maura: You are more than enough.  She loves you.  I know you think I should have told her.  I should have told the both of you--
Cailin: Yea.  Yea.
Maura: I want to help you.
Cailin: I don’t want YOUR help.  And I don’t want your kidney either.  (off Maura’s face)  Yea… yea I thought that was you.  You just, you don’t get a match like that from a stranger.
Maura: (trying to fight her emotions) Please don’t throw your life away because of what you think of me.
Cailin: I don’t want ANY part of you living in me.
Hope walks in, frenzied.
Hope: Cailin!  What is going on?
Cailin: You followed me?
Hope: Well you took our car.
Cailin: So you called the police?!
Maura: (interrupting, tearful) Hope.  There’s something I need to tell you.  I’m Paddy Doyle’s daughter. 
Hope: What?!
Maura: I’m your daughter.  I know that must be strange to hear.
Hope: Don’t say that.  (pulls Cailin closer)  This is my daughter.
Maura: (crying) Paddy told you that I died at birth.  I am not looking to be your daughter.  I have a mother and a father.  I just wanted you to know--
Hope: Just stop!  I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I’ve had about as much as I can bear.  (pulling on Cailin)  Cailin, honey.  Let’s just go.
(Hope/Cailin leave – Cailin keeps eye contact with Maura; Maura cries)

Jane: I don’t know what to say…
Maura: (crying) Out of all the scenarios I thought of, that was not one of them.
Jane: She’s in denial.  She’s in shock.  Imagine.  How would you react if a grown woman walked up to you and said “how ya doing?  I’m your, dead, baby”?
Maura: (sighing) What about Cailin?  If she doesn’t let me help her, she’ll die.
Jane: Maura, you can’t force your kidney on her.
Maura: (crying) I wish I could… I never, ever, meant to cause them any pain.  It’s just so awful.
Jane: I tried to warn you.  Family sucks.  (offering tissue)  Blow.
Maura: No.  I’m all cried out.  I’m done.  I’m done.  And actually, (poking Jane) I’m a little insulted.
Jane: What’d I do?
Maura: That girl rejected my kidney.
Jane: (appalled)  The nerve.
Maura: It’s a very nice kidney!
Jane: I’m sure it is.  (Maura laughing)  You should keep it.  In YOUR body.  Just sayin.

What was your favorite line/scene/quote from this episode?  Please let me know if I missed it so I can include it too! :) Happy RizzIsles obsessing!!

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