Monday, July 9, 2012
Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.05 -- "Throwing Down the Gauntlet"
Case: Girl gets murdered trying to avenge her best friend’s rape and murder from a decade earlier
RizzIsles: Jane gets Maura to meet her birth mother; Maura and her birth mom click really well and it makes Maura very emotional.
(Angela watching a politician on tv)
Angela: You tell him Tom! Sorry, was that too loud?
Maura: (laughing) I like your enthusiasm.
Jane: Really? Glitter Ma?
Angela: It’s festive!
Jane: It’s hard to clean up.
Jane: What do we have here?? (Grabs a scuba tank) Maximum depth 180 feet?! What are you James Cameron? Maura, at least he’s certified.
Maura: (holding scuba goggles to her face) I haven’t had time to take the course.
Jane: (showcasing safari shoes) And you’ll do that before or after your Outback Lady Walk? (putting on a safari hat) Are you also in the remake of “Out of Africa”?
Maura: Gimme that!
Giovanni: (walks in with a huge box) Hi, you look hot. Nice hat. You look hot too Jane. You two ever decide to bat for the other team.
Jane: Not your Team. What is that a surfboard?!
Jane: What is he doing here?
Angela: He’s helping me.
Jane: Helping you what? Your car is outside.
(Giovanni unzips his jacket to reveal his t-shirt)
Jane: (reading) You want this dud.
Giovanni: It’s dude, Jane. D-U-D. Mrs. Rizz, you look hot.
Angela: Stop that or I’ll tell your mother.
Jane: That’s what all this is about. You buying all this stuff… it’s about Hope isn’t it?
Maura: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Jane: Oh, yes you do. Whenever you get in a crisis you get on a first name basis with the UPS man. Maura, it’s time to find her.
Maura: Only 65% of adopted children seek out their biological parents. I’m in the other 35%.
Jane: (mumbles as she answers her phone) 35% having an identity crisis.
Jane: C’mon, we have a case. Hey you can take your vest because the murder is in Franklin Park.
Giovanni: You got a murder in the Franklin Park Zoo.
Jane: Yea, why you got family there?
Giovanni: She’s so funny. …and hot.
Maura: What’s there to talk about? My birth mother was an unwed college student who went sneaking around with a Southie gangster.
Jane: That’s at least interesting. My birth mother married the neighborhood plumber. The only sneaking around she did was in Filene’s Basement.
Jane: Don’t you want to know anything about her?
Maura: (squeaking) No!
Jane: Oooo! You! You found her didn’t you?! You did. You’re gonna get the worst case of hives in your life if you lie.
Maura: I had her first name, her age, where she went to college, my birthdate. I couldn’t help it.
Frost: I think Dr. Isles is going in.
Jane: She loves dumpster diving.
Jane: What are you doing?
Maura: (quickly closes laptop) Checking the weather.
Maura: What? I said checking the weather!
Jane: Okay, okay. Jeeze. Why aren’t you examining the body?
(Maura puts computer to side; Jane moves files to find drawing of her birth mother)
Jane: I knew it. The weather? Really?
Maura: It’s a daily weather forecast… on her Wikipedia page.
Jane: Whose page? OH MY GOD! Maura! She looks just like you!
Jane: So she identified victims of genocide and saves women and children around the world. Big deal. You are just as accomplished, Maura.
Maura: No I’m not. Paddy said she was brilliant.
Jane: It’s too bad she’s not local. We can use her right about now. …she’s probably very curious about you too.
Maura: How can she be curious? She doesn’t even know I exist.
Jane: (grabs computer screen) Wait a minute.
Maura: No, don’t.
Jane: Oh my God. She moved back to Boston?! C’mon, Maura. I don’t believe in coincidences. This is meant to be.
Maura: I’d be turning her world upside down. For what?
Jane: (softly) So she can have you in her life. Okay? Late is a million times better than never.
Maura: Not if it causes her pain.
Jane: Look at the pain you’re in.
Jane: C’mon. Do the autopsy. It’ll make you feel better. (Pulling her off the couch) C’mon. C’mon. March.
Jane: They had to bring in Sister Bitcher. The Lord’s work. That’s what they said when she hit me with a ruler because I misspelled “flamboyant”.
Maura: Why was the world “flamboyant” on a 2nd grade spelling test at a Catholic school?
Maura: She has a depressed skull fracture.
Jane: Must’ve been a hefty weapon.
Maura: No weapon.
Jane: So she just woke up this morning, after she brushed her teeth she thought, “gee my head hurts”?
Maura: No. She has a contracu contusion from a massive fall. Contracu means—
Jane: It’s not my first rodeo it means her head bounced around inside her skull.
Maura: After hitting a hard object.
Jane: So not a pillow.
Maura: It takes longer when you make jokes.
Jane: I would poke my eyes out with a scalpel if I didn’t make jokes.
Jane: You can get a print off that?
Maura: I’ve never done it. I’ve only read about it in (hesitates) an article. Written by a Dr. Hope Martin.
Jane: Perhaps we should call Dr. Hope Martin.
Maura: No! I’ll just try myself.
Frost: Doc, you’re not going to. (Maura cuts the finger off) Yup. You are.
Maura: You have to detach the finger to rehydrate the tissue.
(Frost falling toward the ground)
Frost: I’m just, tying my shoe.
Jane: Your shoes don’t have laces. (laughing) I think he passed out.
Jane: You only have one finger. You can’t screw it up.
Maura: I only have one biological mother and I can’t screw that up.
Jane: Just face whatever it is that’s terrifying you. Just face her. This is the easiest way.
Maura: Okay. Okay. I’m going to do it. I’m going to call her now.
Jane: Like now, now?
Maura: Yes, before I lose my nerve.
Jane: Okay, don’t you want to—
Maura: No no. I’m perfectly calm. I’m Dr Maura Isles. The Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Ma-- (Dr Martin answers the phone; shoves phone at Jane)
Jane: (whispering) No! You have to do it! (into the phone) Hi, I am calling for Dr. Maura Isles, the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Could you hold for her please?
Maura: (mouthing) I can’t! I can’t!
Jane: I’m so sorry, I hate cell phones, don’t you? Um, so, we are working on a very difficult homicide together; we’re trying to identify a Jane Doe. Would you be willing to do a consult? Yes a half hour would be just fine. Thank you so much!
Maura: A half an hour?! Are you out of your mind?!
Jane: You can do this. Yes you can. YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.
Giovanni: (Dancing with the pepper shaker) Put some pepper, pepper, pepper. On your parlor cakes, cakes cakes.
Jane: Never do that again.
(Hope Martin makes her presence known by explaining the after taste a coffee stirrer leaves. Angela introduces herself and Jane)
Jane: And this is Dr. Maura Isles.
Hope: What a pleasure. I’m flattered that you would want a consult.
Maura: I’ve tried so many formulas. Tetrodetoxin, glucose mezaline.
Hope: Dr. Isles, are you alright?
Maura: Why, because I’m talking too much, talking too fast and not making any sense?
Hope: You’re showing signs of vertacaria.
Angela: Oh you have hives.
(Hope shares the story of Maura dying as a baby after Maura’s questioning)
Maura: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.
Hope: I never talk about this. I spent so many years trying to forget. Maybe it’s because you’re a doctor. I feel a strange kinship with you.
Maura: (whispering) Me too.
(To Giovanni after he calls her a cougar and growls at her)
Angela: You take one step closer and I’ll send your mother your body parts in a pie tin!
Jane: Maura! That was so beautiful! When are you going to tell her?
Maura: (crying) Never. Never ever.
Maura: Isabella’s body was found in an old lady’s basement. Did the old lady kill her?
Maura: Doubtful. So, she might have?
Maura: Then why did you say doubtful?
Jane: I just wanted you to know what uncertainty felt like.
(Maura starts crying)
Jane: Oh my God! Maura! I’m sorry!
Maura: Everything makes me cry! Adapasear tissue never makes me cry.
Maura: So she likes Manta Pucciano, Lebanese zucchini and science fiction.
Jane: She’s a soap mummy.
Maura: No, Hope. My new… friend.
(Looking at an old picture)
Korsack: Would you ever wear a skirt, Frost?
Frost: Where is this going?
Maura: These are the DNA results.
Jane: Hm. Which Boston family would have a post-medieval suit of armor and need a nanny? Hm. Putting my thinking cap on. Does the DNA belong to Tom McGregor?
Maura: How did you know?
Jane: I’m amazing too.
Maura: Can I try?
(Jane gives her a look)
Maura: You just did my test!
Jane: It’s guessing. You’ll get hives.
Maura: It’s theorizing.
(Laughing as the nun leaves)
Maura: On the Angel’s Wings of Desire! Are nuns supposed to read that?!