Friday, October 5, 2012
Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 2.06 -- "Rebel Without a Pause"
Case: A “solider” is killed during a Revolutionary War reenactment
RizzIsles: Maura’s mother comes to town and disappoints her with cancelled plans and not seeing her enough; Jane gets very protective seeing Maura hurt by her mother
Maura: Making croissants seems daunting but really it’s as easy as making coq au vin.
Angela: I can’t believe it takes two days!
Jane: Hey Julia Child, I can buy a tube of those crescent things and serve ‘em to ya in 20 minutes. (yelling at baseball game)
Maura: Why are you yelling? You can’t change the outcome.
Jane: Really? I thought I could.
Maura: That would require crossing the space time continuum.
Angela: Go get the hand vacuum and clean up your couch crumbs.
Jane: Ma, I’m trying to relax.
Angela: And we are trying to get ready for a guest. (through gritted teeth) Help out!
Jane: (Gets off couch, joins Maura and Angela in the kitchen) C’mon Maura. You’ll give yourself an ulcer. It’s not royalty, it’s your mom.
Maura: Ulcers are caused by aged polori. Bacteria.
Jane: Or critical mothers.
Angela: I’m not critical. (Jane smirks and bites her lip) Am I?
Maura: She’s never been to my house before.
Angela: Never? (Maura sweetly smiles, shakes her head) Well what do you do when she visits Boston?
Maura: We just (slightly hesitates) usually go to one of my parent’s homes in Europe. (Jane and Angela exchange an “OH” look) Those tulips are wilting already!
Jane: (dripping with sarcasm) Yes, I can see why you’re so ashamed of this hideous place. Forcing her to stay in that disgusting guest house.
Angela: What are you talking about? It’s lovely.
Jane: (realization comes across her face) Wait a minute! If your mom is in the guest house, (to Angela) where are you staying?
Angela: With you of course! (Makes kissing sounds, leans to kiss Jane, Jane obligatorily lets her)
Jane: Fine. But just know I don’t serve coq au vin I serve coco (smirking) puffs.
Angela: (laughing) I know.
(RizzIsles get called to a scene)
Maura: (taking apron off) I haven’t even had a chance to order the organic pigs’ trotters.
Jane: (seriously) Are those f--, I’m not eating feet.
Jane: (touching Maura’s hip) C’mon.
Maura: (looking at Jane) You should change.
Jane: Alright. I’ll change in the car.
Maura: (seriously) Then I’m driving.
Jane: Aw c’mon. I hate it when you drive.
Maura: Well I hate it more when you undress and drive.
Jane: (reading Victim’s ID) He was a garbage man. Maybe it wasn’t an accident. Maybe someone wanted him dead.
Maura: Perhaps it was someone who didn’t like to recycle. (proud smile)
Jane: (in disbelief) Was that a joke?
Maura: (quickly glances at Homicide Team) Only if it’s funny.
(RizzIsles discussing victim’s injury)
Jane: Maura. Shot or stabbed? Or did somebody chew on his hip?
Maura: Oh, I don’t think that’s from a bite.
Maura: Fascinating. He was a Smitty! Blacksmith.
Jane: (whispering) Maura, it’s pretend.
Frankie: Perimeter’s secured. What next?
Jane: I’ll have a coffee. Two sugars. Black.
Frost: Oh, make that two.
Maura: Cappuccino, please? But only if there’s 1% milk.
Jane: Good think you’re not picky.
Frankie: Hey, I’m trying to make Detective not become a Barista.
Frost: Bro. You know how many coffee runs I had to make working my way up?
Korsak: Nothing for me, but if you hustle those coffees up I’ll let you help me with witness statements.
Reenactment Guy: I was merely attempting to move this artillery piece out of your way. Commanding Officer General Ezekiel Parker of the 16th Brigade.
Jane: I’m Martha Washington. Let me see your driver’s license.
General: Sure. Of course.
Jane: Dwayne Kravitz. No wonder you went with Parker.
Maura: (comes running over, extends hand to General) It’s such a pleasure to meet you. Dr. Maura Isles. Professor Kravitz is a leading authority on Colonialism. I’m a huge fan.
Jane: You’re a huge fan of Colonialism?
Maura: No, of course not. He’s also the Chair of American History at Boston Cambridge University.
General: Good Doctor, your words flatter me. (Flirty smile from Maura)
Jane: (looks General up and down with disdain) I like your pretend accent.
Maura: It’s quite authentic. Colonial Americans spoke Roddick English in a variety of regional dialects… Scott’s Irish, West Country.
Jane: (mutters) Where is the coffee?
Korsak: (hand on his chest, drops it) Hey doc I was wondering, uh--
Maura: Are you alright?
Korsak: Yea. Buddy of mine’s been having some chest pain.
Maura: Didn’t you just have a physical?
Korsak: How’d you know it was me? (Maura head tilt, smile) Doctor says I’m fine, so why am I short of breath? I’ve been eating better, getting some exercise and I feel worse.
Maura: Are you experiencing dizziness, lightheadedness?
Korsak: Maybe a little.
Maura: (nods) I want you to see a cardiac specialist.
(Morgue door opens, Korsak motions to keep quiet)
Jane: (to Maura who is walking with her iPad out) C’mon Maura. Shoe sale about to close?
Maura: I’m plugging in empirical data to back extrapolate the pre-impact orientation of the bullet.
Jane: Okay. See that laser? It does the same thing.
Maura: I’m very good at trigonometry.
Jane: What a relief.
Maura: Once you input the type of bullet, approximate the density of the cannon… it appears the shooter was 243.84cm off the ground.
Jane: Oh you mean up there? (pointing to tree where laser is pointing)
Maura: Excuse e moi. (slips heels off, addresses Frost) Can you give me a boost?
Frost: Oh, uh, okay.
Jane: Maura! No. Frost! I can get the Crime Scene Techs here, alright?
Maura: (climbing tree, smiling) Oh no. I was Best Tree Climber year 6 at my Boarding School. Detective Frost, can you hand me my kit?
Frost: Yea. Here ya go.
Jane: You look ridiculous.
Maura: I’m collecting forensic evidence. Give me ridiculousness or give me death.
Jane: (smirking) Jokes are supposed to be funny. Remember, Thomas Payne?
Maura: Patrick Henry.
General: Sugar was a true luxury item in 1774.
Jane: Imagine what they would’ve charged for splenda.
Maura: (answers phone while walking) What?! No! Yes. Okay, yes. Bye.
Jane: UPS lose your shoes?
Maura: No, it’s my mother. She’s a day early. She caught a ride in a friend’s jet.
Jane: (at a loss) Those pesky jets.
Maura: Oh my God! What are we gonna do?! (Lamaze breathing)
Jane: Well first of all, stop doing that.
Maura: Pig’s trotters take two days to marinate! (panicking) And we’re in the middle of a case! What do I do?! (puts two fingers to her neck) Vaso constriction. Hypo capia.
Jane: Okay. Please. Get a hold of yourself. C’mon. (leading Maura into headquarters) Alright.
Jane: (to Angela) Stanley around?
Angela: No, he took a personal day.
Jane: Good. Can you cook a 3 course dinner here?
Maura: Hors d’oeuvre, portage, porsant, entrees--
Jane: Sandwiches, peanut butter and fluff or takeout.
Maura: What about releve, sorbet, rotelegume.
Jane: Oh sure, Maur, we’ll just call Stanley in.
Maura: (panicked breathing again, fingers to neck) Okay. Chef Renault. From Misone della’ Mer. He will help. You just tell him that it’s for me. (hands Angela her AMEX)
Jane: Hey! You want some more practice at Detective work?
Frankie: You want pizza or a sub?
Jane: (laughing) I want you to answer my phone for me.
Maura: (inspecting place settings on table) My mother is famous for her dinner parties.
Angela: The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Maura: Oh no, I couldn’t possibly live up to her. I mean, she’ll spot takeout in a second.
Angela: Stop worrying! You’re the perfect daughter! (Jane walks in) And you’re late!
Jane: I’m not perfect. Darn. (puts box on table) Cannolis.
Angela: (gasps) What are you doing?! (picking up pastry box) We already have dessert. Besides, cannolis aren’t sophisticated.
Jane: Well neither are we. I got ‘em for you.
Angela: Oh. (warm smile) You got them for me?
Angela: You’re the perfect daughter.
Angela: Okay, don’t worry.
Jane: (gently grabs Maura’s elbow as she walks by fussing) You look beautiful, c’mon.
Maura: (stops before the door, looks back at Rizzoli women, smiles and mouths “Okay?”) Hello mother.
Constance: Hello darling. You look well.
Maura: (smiles, softly breathes her words) Thank you.
Jane: (mumbling to Angela) Country mice meet city mice.
Angela: Oh my God, she’s gorgeous! Stand up straight, Jane.
Jane: Oh crap! I got cannoli oil on my shirt!
Jane and Angela: Hello!
Angela: I find that fascinating.
Jane: What do you know about post-war modernism?
Angela: I know a lot about the objectification of the (gesturing hour glass shape of woman) female form.
Jane: Good point. (laughs)
Angela: (mumbling) Elbows off the table.
Jane: What? (readjusts quickly) Oh. (mouths to Angela) I thought I was perfect.
Jane: (sincerely) It’s so great that you found time in your busy schedule to come here to Boston and visit your daughter.
Constance: Oh, I’m actually here for an installation opening.
(Maura keeps a smile on her face, looks down)
Maura: Let’s have dessert. I made (something French). Your favorite. (Constance smiles stiffly)
Jane: (hint of sarcasm) Try a cannoli. They’re my Ma’s favorite.
Constance: (speaks French to Maura; Jane shoots Angela an annoyed look)
Maura: She says she’s sorry.
Jane: She’s tired. Yes, I know.
Maura: I didn’t know you spoke French.
Jane: I read body language. (Angela kicks her under the table)
Constance: (rising from table) It was lovely to meet you both.
Jane: You too.
Maura: (aside to her mother) I thought you were staying. I prepared the Guest Houst for you.
Constance: Darling, didn’t I mention? The gallery organized for me to stay at the Ritz. And I already checked in.
Maura: (hurt look on her face, then a quick smile) Of course.
Constance: But I will see you tomorrow evening for the welcoming dinner, and you’ll be my date.
Maura: (sincere, sweet smile) Sounds lovely.
Constance: (to Jane and Angela) Please come to the opening. Just call the gallery and have them put you on the list.
Jane: The list? Yea, sure.
Jane: (struggling to comfort Maura) Wow. She is, so, um, put together.
Maura: (whispering) She’s, hard to get to know.
Jane: Oh, I think I got a pretty good idea.
Jane: (to Angela cleaning the kitchen) Ma, really?! With the pots and the pans?! Cincinnati can hear you! (quietly to Maura) See? You could have that for a mother. Nosy, and loud.
Maura: (sadly) Warm. Involved.
Jane: (softly) The grass is always greener.
Maura: Yea. (closes her eyes, hand to her head)
Jane: You know, I used to dream that I was adopted.
Maura: (sadly) Really?
Jane: Yea. And my pretend mom was chic and glamorous, and educated.
Maura: I always wondered what it’d be like to have a mother who cut the crust off my sandwiches.
(RizzIsles warm, sad smiles)
Maura: (laughing) I think they should call him the sniper who couldn’t shoot straight. Get it? Because he keeps missing?
Jane: (smiling) Yea, it’s funny. It’s a good joke, Maur.
Maura: (surprised) Really? (off Jane’s face) Oh. Oh.
Jane: Who is this guy?! Snipers shoot to kill! This guy’s missed people both times. Is he trying to send a message?!
Maura: The message is perfectly clear: I need target practice. (proudly smiles and laughs)
Jane: Okay. You do your job so I can do mine.
Maura: (straight face, slightly annoyed) Yes. Of course, Detective.
Jane: (softly) Maura, I’m sorry.
Maura: It’s not you.
Jane: Is it your mother?
Maura: (deep breath) It’s just, it’s hard to have her here and not see her. Ya know, when I was little, I wanted to be with her all the time.
Jane: I wanted to be on Mars. Alone. (mock mother tone) Jane, did you do your homework? Jane, did you clean your room? Jane, Ja--. (Maura smiles with adoration) I mean, she LIVES to hover. The woman was a helicopter mother before they even invented the term. C’mon… let’s get you ready for your artsy fartsy dinner with your globe-trotting mother.
(RizzIsles both get calls from their mothers)
Jane: My mother’s having a bird emergency.
Maura: Mine’s changing dinner plans. C’mon, let’s go help.
Angela: So I went to check up on Starsky, after the lunch rush.
Jane: You took care of a sick parakeet around food?
Angela: Of course not! I put him by a sack of yams in the pantry. You, you’ve gotta help me. Sergeant Korsak will never forgive me if something happens to him.
Maura: (Looks into box, closes lid) Can you get me a bowl of hot water and some towels?
Angela: Okay. (walking away)
Jane: Can you really save him?
Maura: No! I just didn’t want your mother to see him die. Looks like Avian Flu.
Jane: (jumping backwards) Avian Flu?! What the hell?!
Maura: (looking back into box) You can only contract it if you ingest his feces or give him mouth-to-mouth.
Jane: (holding hand up) Stop.
Maura: Korsak’s here. (walks into back with bird, Jane distracts him)
Jane: Well, it’s a, bad time. Ma is giving him a bird bath. (“REALLY?!” face from Maura in the background) But the wake, we should go.
Korsak: We have to wear period costumes or they won’t let us in.
Maura: I have wonderful contacts at the historical society.
Jane: No, you can’t go. You have dinner with your mom. (Off Maura’s face) Or no you don’t. She called and cancelled didn’t she?
Maura: (at a momentary loss, dejected face) It’s not her fault. The dinner was a private affair. No guests.
Korsak: You’re not a guest! You’re her daughter!
(Maura sadly looks down, Jane shoots Korsak a look)
Jane: You should come with us. Okay, it’d be great to have your, historical, society, contacts.
Jane: Where’s Starsky? (Maura pats her lab coat pocket) He’s dead? And you put him in your—ugghhh. Where’s Ma?
Maura: I told her I’d take care of him.
Jane: You lied.
Maura: (offended) No! No, I just didn’t say that I was taking care of his funeral arrangements.
(Homicide Team and Maura enter wake dressed in 1700’s attire)
Jane: I can’t believe I let you talk me into wearing this! I don’t think this thing’s been washed since 1776.
Maura: You’re just not used to the woolsy fabric. I told you to wear the silk polynese.
Jane: Oh yea, the whale bones digging into my bones would’ve been much more comfortable.
Maura: (raising her “glass” for the toast) It’s like we stepped back in time. (sips beer, spits it out) 18th Century beer sucks!
Jane: (laughing) You made a joke!
Korsak: Your mother’s a regular Florence Nightingale, Jane. It’s a miracle what she did. Starsky’s never looked better!
Jane: Starsky’s better?!
Korsak: You look surprised.
Jane: M—no. She does have a healer’s touch. (Korsak puts cracker into his mouth) Yum. What are we eating now? What is that, dirt covered Styrofoam?!
Korsak: Low carb, gluten free, high fiber.
Jane: Ew, no thank you. (pushes back; Maura walks in all dressed up) Oh! Why are we so fancy?!
Maura: I am going to my mother’s gallery opening.
Jane: Oh, she gonna put you on the list?
Maura: We can get in.
Jane: Who’s “we”?
Maura: (grabs cracker box from Korsak) How long have you been eating these?
Korsak: Couple weeks. Part of my whole new health regime.
Maura: (laughs) It’s not a heart attack, Sergeant.
Jane and Frost: WHAT?!
Maura: It’s gas. And given the fiber content, I imagine quite a lot.
Frost: (laughs) He’s been making enough to float the Hindenburg.
Maura: (laughs) Hydrogen gas was unfairly blamed for that. Human gas is actually a mixture. Hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane. Most people produce about a half a liter a day.
Jane: (laughing) Well exactly how much fart gas is Korsak making?
Maura: Probably, (giggles) twice that amount.
(Jane and Frost push their chairs back)
Korsak: Would you rather I had a heart attack?!
Maura: Just stay away from those crackers and beans and you’ll be fine. (to Jane, sweetly) I was hoping you’d go to the installation with me.
Jane: Oh, god, Maura. I, I wish I could, but, no.
Frost: She loves Modern Art! (smirking) Ya know what, Jane, we got this. You go.
Korsak: Yea go. We know how much you like (Maura smiles excitedly) these fresh ideas and crazy colors and cubes and things.
Maura: (poking Jane, smile beaming) I’m so glad you’ve opened your mind to it.
Frost: You two have fun now.
Jane: (beaming sarcastic smile) Thanks guys. (stands up and leaves with Maura)
Jane: How did Starsky make such a miraculous recovery?
Maura: Luckily the pet store carries parakeets.
Door guy at Gallery: I’m sorry, this is a private gathering.
Jane: Oh, this is Dr. Maura Isles. She’s the artist’s daughter. (guy searches list) Really?! She couldn’t even be bothered to put you on the list.
Maura: She was busy. She said she’d try.
Guy: (checking list) Yea, I don’t see you.
Jane: (holding up badge) See me now?! Detective Jane Rizzoli.
Guy: Yea. (moves out of way) Go ahead.
Jane: Hanging water bottles is art?!
Maura: It’s an iconic representation of the deconstruction of our food chain as a symbol of neo urbanity.
Jane: I could do that.
Maura: Yes, but then it wouldn’t be art. (smiling)
Constance: Hello darling! You made it!
Jane: Sorry we had to crash. Your daughter wasn’t on the list.
Constance: Oh sorry. (to Maura) Sorry.
Maura: (gesturing to hanging water bottles) Mother, it’s exquisite. It’s both witty and full of pathos.
Constance: It is, isn’t it.
Jane: Oh, it is.
Constance: So nice to see you again, Jane.
Jane: You too. Maura, would you mind getting us something to drink? I’d love to get to know your mother better. (suspicious look from Maura)
Maura: (smiles) Um, sure. Excuse me. (walks away)
Constance: Nice of you to come.
Jane: Thank you. I love your hanging water bottles. They make me feel very guilty and I’ll never buy water again.
Constance: I can see why Maura likes you. You’re direct. It’s kind of refreshing.
Jane: I’m protective. Maura’s my best friend.
Constance: I sense, um, that there’s something you’d like to say to me.
Jane: Yea. There is. I don’t like seeing my best friend hurt.
Constance: You think I hurt her?
Jane: (in disbelief) Not staying with her. Cancelling dinner. Forgetting to put her on the list or your installation-- yea. I think that hurts her.
Constance: She’s the Chief Medical Examiner. She has her own life. You’re both out there working an important case. It’s all over the news. I don’t want to be in her way. (Jane rolls her eyes) She must know how proud I am of her. How much I love her.
Jane: Not really the signals you’re sending. It seems to me like you were too busy while she was growing up and now you’re blaming her for being too busy.
Constance: (hurt, regretful look) I was, I was never any good at it.
Jane: At what?
Constance: Being a mother. I feel like I just, I missed so much.
Jane: (sincerely) Why don’t you just tell her that?
(Gallery Guy comes to escort Constance to a podium)
Constance: Would you excuse me? (walks away)
(Eating peanuts at the Dirty Robber)
Angela: You cannot believe how healthy Starsky is!
Jane: Didn’t you find he had more turquoise feathers after he recovered? (Maura kicks her under the table) Ouch!
Angela: What’s the matter?
Jane: Gas, pains. (shoots Maura a look)
Maura: (seeing her mother walk into the bar) My mother’s here. I thought she was in Paris.
Jane: (matter of factly) She forgot to say goodbye. (Smiles at Maura; Maura and Angela smile back adoringly)
Constance: May I join you?
Maura: (warm smile, standing up) Mother. What a lovely surprise!
Constance: Hello darling. I couldn’t go without seeing you one more time.
Maura: (beaming, takes her mother in) Sit.
Jane: (clearing peanuts off table) Um, here.
Constance: Oh don’t worry, don’t worry. I’m not THAT fussy. (Angela hands her a napkin; Constance cleans table)
Jane: Hm, strange. I wonder where Maura gets it. (clears throat) You like greasy hamburgers?
Constance: Actually, I’d love a hamburger. It’s been years. (Maura smiles, stunned)
Jane: Good. This place has really good ones ever since the Health Department shut it down.
Constance: The Health Department?
Maura: Mom, it’s a joke. She likes to kid.
Constance: (seeing waitress bring food to another table) Milkshake. I haven’t had one for ages. Oh god, I love them.
Maura: (looks to Jane, then back) Really? I, I didn’t know that.
Angela: I would like one. Strawberry.
Jane: Since when do you like milkshakes?
Angela: (gritting teeth) Since now.
Jane: Alright, I’m having a beer.
Constance: A beer milkshake?
Jane: Yes! Um, yes. A Beer Milkshake. It’s what all the mooks here in Boston drink.
Angela: Okay, okay. She’s kidding. She’s kidding. It’s another joke.
Jane: (Constance smiles) I can certainly see the family resemblance.
Maura: I can see the family resemblance too.
Angela: (excited) You do?
Maura: Yes! The two of you are so much alike! (Jane kicks her under the table) OW!
Angela and Constance: What is it?
GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog