Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 3.02 -- "Dirty Little Secrets"

Case: Yogi fracking out in the country

RizzIsles: Still not talking because of Paddy Doyle shooting and are put in a life and death situation in the woods.  Keep breathing!  …they make-up in this one!  PHEW!!

Maura: Hello… Detective Rizzoli

Jane: Hello Dr Isles.  I don’t see any drag marks.

Maura: No, flaccidity confirms that she was killed here.  She’s passed rigor.

Jane: So she’s been dead at least 36 hours.  She’s in workout clothes.  What was she doing down here?

Maura: (snippy sarcasm) She was strangled.

Jane: (stiffly) Thank you Doctor.  I can see that.  Looks like the weapon was a garret.

Maura: (with a French accent) Garret.

Jane: Gee, I would love a history lesson the garr--- (makes throat sound).  Wouldn’t you Frost?

Maura: (calmly, seriously) Well, it was most popularly used in the 17^th Century as a means of silent assassination by the Thugee Cult in India.

Jane: Well, let’s be on the lookout for the Thugees.

Frost: What are those red patches?

Maura: Erthacaria.

Jane: Erthacara?

Maura: Oh, maybe you’ll know what this means.  The yucky red stuff is a rash.

Maura: She’s had anterior dislocations to both her left and right humorous bones.

Jane: I’d love to know why that’s relevant, but it’s too bad you don’t guess.

Maura: (sarcastically) Well you’re in luck.  It’s national guessing day.

Jane: Are you celebrating?!

Maura: I am!  She has these injuries because of repeated chattaranga, dedasina to urgamuda chana.

Jane: I know what that is.  Yoga.  Are you breaking out in hives from the guessing?

Maura: Not yet.  And her rash is a result of defatting the chemical dissolution of dermal lipids.

Jane: What’s that in yucky rash lingo?

Maura: She was submerged in icky stuff.

Jane: Submerged.  Great.  So the Vegan girl is bathing in chemicals.  Great.

Maura: (noticing Jane’s “T.P. Tail”) Uh, Jane.

Jane: (exasperated) What?  I thought we were done.

Maura: Okay.  (Laughs as she leaves)

Maura: Hm.  Apparent skull fracture.

Frankie: Holy crap it’s my first murder!

Maura: Stop right there!  I can’t take it.  I can’t do it.

Frankie: (confused and backing away) What?!  What’d I say?

Maura: This man might have hit his head when he jumped.  Or slammed into rocks when his bungee cord snapped.  For all I know Wylie E. Coyote dropped an anvil on his head.

Frankie: It was just a gut feeling.

Maura: This is a scientific process.  Do you understand Officer?  You do not guess, leap to conclusions, speculate, theorize, wonder or tell me about your gut.  Am I clear?

Frankie: Yea.  Clear.

Maura: The victim’s rash was caused by benzene and 1-4-dioxine.  Likely from a fresh water source.  I narrowed it down to 7 lakes in Western Massachusetts.

Jane: Are you saying those lakes are polluted?

Maura: I’m not.  The pH levels and mineral content are.

Jane: Swell.  My Sprout Troop used to have sleepover camps at one of those lakes.

Maura: (in disbelief) You were a Sprout Trooper??

Jane: Yeess.  Why is that so hard to believe?

Maura: You mean because it is your duty as a Sprout Trooper to be kind, friendly, generous.

Jane: I was so sweet and kind, I won Sweetest Camper.  Two years in a row.  So… ha ha ha.

Maura: Was anyone else there?  (off everyone’s surprised looks) …to watch you… accept your award.

Jane: Nice recovery.

Maura: I’m gonna rent a car.

Jane: Yea, me too.

Angela: Heeeey!  Don’t forget your lunch!

Jane: What is that?

Angela: Mortadella on focaccia bread with a little roasted red pepper.

Jane: Korsak put you up to this?

Angela: All I’m going through and you two can’t be civil?!

Jane: Don’t you dare pull the annulment card on me.

Angela: He wants me to sign a paper that says I didn’t want you kids.

Jane: Ma, we’re grown ups.  We know you wanted us.

Angela: If you’re such a grown up then act like one and stop this!

Frost: Hey.  Just saw Big Mo towing your cars.  Wanna borrow mine?

Jane: Oh you’re good.

Angela: One little thing for your mother and you can’t do it?!

Maura: It is more energy efficient if we take one car.

Jane: Fine, but I’m driving.

Maura: Why do you get to drive?!

Jane: Because it’s an unmarked, and because I’m a cop, and becau--, just get in the car, Maura!

Frost: Have a good time girls.

Maura: I am not listening to Led Zepplin.

Jane: I’m not listening to Yo-Yo Ma.

Maura: (offended) I don’t listen to Yo-Yo Ma!  …in the car.

Jane: Oh right, pardon me.  Yo-Yo Ma is just for the jaccuzi.  Put your seatbelt on!

Maura: It’s on!

Maura: The next lake is 42.1-0 degrees north.

Jane: Longitude, really?  Can you just tell me turn left at Popeye’s Chicken!

Maura: There is no Popeye’s Chicken in Western Massachusetts.

Angela: Have you listened to the audio book yet?  It’s in the cooler.

Maura: (fabricating the title)  What to do when your former best friend is a bitch. 

Jane: (annoyed)  Really?

Maura: Hmm… too bad it’s wet.

Angela: Have fun!  Love you BOTH.

Jane: Bye Ma.

Maura: Go straight passed the coniferous spruce.

Jane: Maybe I’ll pass the Hemlock too.  Oh look a homo sapien.  Oh crap!  In a guard booth!

Maura: There’s the lake.

Jane: Nothing gets passed you.

Maura: We need to leave.  We’re in danger.

Jane: Those don’t look like Yogis.  What did you take a picture of?

Maura: I’ll tell you in the car.  Please!  Trust me.

Maura: I need to stop.  My leg.

Jane: What?  Did you pull something?

Maura: No.  Take it off.

Jane: Alright, alright.  Oh my God, Maura.  Your leg.  It’s hard and it’s co— it’s like a dead body!  What is that?!

Maura: It’s compartment syndrome.

Jane: Well what does that mean?!

Maura: The post-tibial artery must have ruptured in the crash.

Jane: But you’ve been walking on it.

Maura: Blood from the artery is leaking.  The pressure builds and the blood is trapped in one of the lower compartments of my leg.

Jane: Bottom-line it for me.

Maura: The blood to my leg has been compromised.  I’ll loose my leg unless I—

Jane: Get you to a hospital!

Maura: No unless you do a fasciotomy.  I need something sharp.

Jane: Maura, I’m not going to cut your leg off with a nail file!

Maura: Do you have sugar packets?

Jane: No why?!  Did you bring coffee?

Maura: I could use it to dress the wounds.

Maura: Take off your shirt.

Jane: Now I know you’ve suffered a head injury.

Maura: To bind the wound.

Jane: No.  I’m sorry.  I can’t do this!

Maura: I really like my leg, Jane!

Jane: C’mon Maura, it’s time to wake up.

Maura: (delusional mumbling) I dreamt we were camping.  I voted for you.  Can you turn the heat down?

Jane: C’mon, we gotta get you out of here.

Maura: You won Sweetest Camper again.  I didn’t win.

Maura: (delusional mumbling) Try your phone.

Jane: I can’t Maura.  It’s busted and it got wet.

Maura: Call your Mom.  Tell her we’re friends again.

Jane: (laughing) Okie dokie. (tries phone) It's working!
Maura: Micro processing drive. Yaaaaaay.

Maura: Type 42.3910.  Bing bing. Boop boop boop. Bing bing.  Boop boop.

Jane: That’s Morse Code.  Nice job Maura!

Maura: Did Sergeant Korsak come on our camping trip?

Korsak: You stayed with her.

Jane: I wouldn’t leave her.

Maura: The surgeon was very impressed with Jane’s incisions.

Angela: I always wanted a doctor in the family.

Jane: Well, too bad.  Two cops and--

Frankie: An undertaker!

Tommy: No, no.  I’m not doing that ever again.

Angela: I got 3 great kids.

Jane: Nah, I think you got a doctor too.

Maura: (emotional) Thanks.  Thank you for saving my leg, Jane.

Angela: I think you two should apologize to each other.

Jane & Maura: Butt out.

Maura: I’m sorry if you are.

Jane: Okay, but I’m less sorry.  (laughs)  No, we were both jerks.

Angela: You were both assholes.

Tommy: Ma!  Watch your language!

Jane: And I didn’t really win Sweetest Camper awards.

Maura: You didn’t?  (teary)  I missed you.

Jane: (teary and choked up) I missed you too.  (hugs)

What was your favorite line/scene/quote from this episode?  Please let me know if I missed it so I can include it too! :) Happy RizzIsles obsessing!!

GIFs not mine > I save awesome stuff after I reblog it