Case: A
woman is killed leaving a lesbian bar; Jane and Maura go undercover to track
down the killer
RizzIsles: Maura
sets Jane up with an overly clingy yoga teacher; Maura and Jane talk about what
their preferences would be if they switched teams
(In Yoga Class)
Jane: It
hurts.
Maura: Pain is
only in your mind.
Jane: Feels
like my leg. (Few poses later) My mind
has a cramp.
Maura: (whispering) That guy keeps smiling at
you. He just broke up with his
girlfriend.
Jane: Really?
Maura: Double
date tomorrow?
Jane: (loudly) NO!
(Sshh-ing)
Frost: (to Maura)
You got her to do Yoga?
Jane: (sarcastically) No it was my idea. I love Yoga.
Maura: Her
last glucose reading was over 400.
Jane: Is that
good or bad?
Maura: It’s
extremely high.
Jane: Is that
good or bad?
Maura: Bad.
Jane: Murder
weapon has a rectangular edge on it.
Maura: I can’t
confirm that.
Jane: Frost
we’re lookin’ for a 2x4--
(Frost picks up
bloody 2x4 a few feet away)
Jane: Frost,
we’re lookin for an idiot.
Jane: C’mon,
it’s like she has to worry about the scar.
Maura: Don’t
rush me.
Jane: Jorge
say anything about me?
Maura: Yoga Jorge?
Jane: No. Jaunty Lube Jorge.
Maura: Oil
change? Don’t go there. Total rip off.
Jane: Maura! C’mon!
What’d he say about me??
(RizzIsles
laughing)
Maura: He said
sure. (Jane’s confused look) Brock asked about having a double-date.
Jane: (stomping her foot) I’m not going.
(Misc case
conversation)
Maura: OH! Jorge thinks you’re hot!
Jane: Forget
it.
Maura: (laughing)
C’mon Jane. Listen to
me. Every time he looks at you he
contracts his orbicularis oculi and parazorbatalis.
Jane: Gross.
Maura: It’s
facial muscles. Please?
Jane: Only if
you tell me what killed her.
Maura: (annoyed, conspirator look, Jane bats her
eyelashes and smiles) There should
be more blood associated with her facial lacerations.
Jane: I’m
gonna have so much fun at home on my couch ALONE.
(More potential
cause of death talk)
Jane: …so what
killed her?
Maura: I don’t
know yet.
Jane: Well I
don’t know what I’m gonna have for dinner.
Maura: …but I
did find some deerskin fibers.
Jane: So we’re
looking for Bambi.
Maura: No, we’re
looking for apparel.
Jane: Moccasins? A teepee?
Maura: Teepees
are generally constructed from Buffalo hides.
Jane: (frustrated) Wow. You are so literal.
Crazy Prejudiced
Guy: I will pray for you.
Jane: No thank
you. I will do it myself.
Jane: So that
was my first week on the job. I got to
tackle a naked guy.
Jane: Actually
it’s getting kind of late.
Maura: (glances over at Jane) I need to use the ladies room. Jane, want to join me?
Jane: No,
no. I don’t need to go.
Maura: (whispers while walking passed) I think you do.
Jane: I need
to go to the ladies room. Excuse me.
Jane: (Maura turns the corner and stops; Jane
almost walks right into her) I
thought you needed to go to the restroom.
Maura: That
was a ruse! Well? Do you like him?
Jane: (glances back around the wall to look at
Jorge) He’s sexy.
Maura: (sultry smiling) Yea.
I think you should take him home.
Jane: Maura!
Maura: What?! You said he was sexy.
Jane: Just
because I like the way he looks in yoga class doesn’t mean I’m going to like
the way he looks in my bed.
Maura: Right. But did you know that sex releases imunoglobulin
a? It wards off colds. (innocently
beaming)
Jane: (contemplating) No.
Not tonight. And, and I didn’t
shave my legs.
Maura: (pulls out a cosmetic bag with shaving
equipment) Nice try.
Jane: What
kind of person are you?!
(Maura beams
innocently holding up the cosmetic bag)
Jane: So Maura
says you’re in medicine. Doctor?
Jorge: No.
Jane: EMT?
Jorge: Nurse.
Jane: A male
nurse. That is so cool. So what happened between you and your
girlfriend?
Jorge: Oh.
We couldn’t agree about kids.
Jane: Oh she
wanted them and you didn’t?
Jorge: No. I just loved the idea of being a stay-at-home
Daddy. But she wanted to stay home
too. Someone’s gotta work, right?
Jane: I’m
surprised.
Jorge: Why? Because I’m Hispanic? It’s a new world. I’m looking for a real woman. Someone who can hold Warrior II like you.
(RizzIsles walking
toward each other outside headquarters)
Jane: REALLY?!
Maura: That
bad?
Jane: I thought
you said you couldn’t lie.
Maura: (offended)
What do you mean? I can’t.
Jane: You did.
Maura: (semi-stumbling) Only one time when I
said I’d finished my homework and I hadn’t and I immediately went vasa
vagal. Fainted.
Jane: Jorge’s
in “medicine”?!
Maura: Technically. Yes he is.
Jane: What’s
his specialty, lactation?!
Maura: Orthopedics. (Jane’s
disgusted look) Joe Grant. He was a Detective. He was sexy and he was a perfect match for
you.
Jane: Well I
kinda liked him.
Maura: Yea
well you butted heads with him until he moved to Washington. (shrugging)
Jane: So you
hooked me up with Nurse Jorge?
(Maura innocently
smiles; Jane glares and walks away)
Maura: (smirking) Well, I- (laughing) Yes.
Jane: It’s not
funny.
(Jane’s phone
buzzes during an interrogation)
Jane: What? What is so important?!
Maura: Jorge
dropped off lunch for you. (Jane’s annoyed look) That’s not why I interrupted you. I extracted the killers DNA from the murder
weapon.
Maura: Injuries
are consistent with a non-biological, phallus shaped object.
Jane: (looking around, whispering) You mean a dildo?
Maura: (looking around) Yes, I believe that is the popular term
for it. But did you know that a 28,000
year old stone phallus was recently found in a German cave? The Ice Age men were using it for napping
flints.
Jane: Yea the
Ice Age women were using it for making sparks too.
(RizzIsles
laughing)
Maura: I
wonder if Jorge read the Chomp study.
Jane: He
probably wrote it.
Maura: Chocolate
happiness undergoing more pleasantness study.
Yea, it actually concluded that chocolate makes us happier.
Jane: Chocolate
from Jorge makes me sadder.
Maura: Mmm. Flowers.
Flowers have been shown to reduce depression. C’mon Jane!
Jorge’s a catch.
Korsack: If you don’t want him can I have him?
Jane: Jorge? Yea he’s all yours. Maybe if I get fat he’ll stop calling.
Maura: Just
think that if you allow him to see all sides of you, he’ll stop calling. (Look
from Jane) Ya know, I just heard,
what that sounded like and that is--.
What I meant to say, was that--, human beings have good and bad traits. (Looks
of disbelief from Jane and Frost) Ya
know, and you have, you know, some (scrunched
face) characteristics that are a little, not as, uh, um—WOW! Fudge clusters.
(Wide-eyed look
from Jane; grabs chocolate from Maura and her overwhelmed face)
(Frost interrupts
with case information)
Korsack: …she’s a helluva bowler. She hit a Turkey!
Maura: (saddened)
Why would she do that?
Jane: That’s
three strikes in a row, Maura.
Jane: No.
I’m not gonna go undercover and troll for lesbian dates on the random
chance that we catch a killer. No. (walks
out)
Korsack: I
think she loves the idea.
Frost: Me too.
Maura: Why do
they do this? These categories are such
stereotypes. Fem, Boy next door, sporty,
fine.
Korsack: Jane is definitely fine. (Turned
heads from Maura and Frost) I’m just
saying for the purposes of the ad, you know, it’ll troll the best response.
Frost: Yea.
Maura: (laughing)
Okay, I just have to check a box.
Fem, butch, lipstick, chapstick, sporty.
Frost: I’ve seen her break a chair over the head
of a meth crazed gang banger.
Maura: So,
butch?
Frost: Yea, she took him out!
Maura: No.
She’s my friend! I am not putting
butch. I’m putting sporty.
Korsack: Just check what the victim checked.
Maura: Oh. Let’s see.
Lipstick Lesbian.
Korsack: I love undercover.
(Looks from Maura
and Frost)
Maura: Nice
and supportive doesn’t mean weak.
Jane: Please. Jorge is more submissive than my dog. Maybe I should be a lesbian.
Maura: Well
wishes can come true. Frost and Korsack
wanted to fill out your dating profile.
I typed.
Jane: You
what?!
Maura: If it
wasn’t for me, you’d be butch.
Jane: (sitting up, in disbelief) You put my photo and profile on a gay
dating website?
Maura: It’s
your best shot at getting DNA and breaking this case. (walking
back with her laptop)
Jane: No it’s
OUR best shot. You’re going with me.
Maura: No.
Jane: Yes, Dr.
Isles. I don’t have time to train a
female detective how to collect and preserve DNA. You’re going.
(Pulling up Jane’s
dating profile)
Maura: There. Look.
All these women think you’re hot.
Jane: Wow. …you realize one of these women could be
Katie’s killer?
Maura: Not
this one. Listen. She likes to hike, has season tickets to the
Celtics.
Jane: Front
row. Oh, I might flip for that.
Maura: I don’t
understand online dating. People reveal
too much of themselves. (reading)
I want to connect with someone who can make me more of who I am.
Jane: (reading)
Who can be strong without needing me to be weak.
(RizzIsles rolling
their eyes and laughing)
Maura: I
wonder what kind of women we would like if we liked women.
Jane: What?! Well, first of all, I would be the guy.
Maura: That’s
a cliché. Why would you be the guy?!
Jane: Because.
Maura: Because
you’re bossy?
Jane: So are
you.
Maura: No I’m
not.
Jane: Yes you
are. You’re just soft and polite when
you boss people around.
Maura: Well
it’s a good thing you’re not my type.
Jane: (offended)
What do you mean I’m not your type?!
That is so rude!
Maura: (smiling and laughing) Well, you don’t know how to relax. (Jane
gestures to herself relaxing) And
you wear your shoes and your clothes to bed.
And you just admitted that you’re bossy.
Jane: (laughing)
Okay yea. I’M bossy. Right.
You put my picture and profile on a gay dating website and I’M
bossy. Right. Okay.
…after I said no, by the way. (Maura hums quietly) What are you doing?
Maura: Meditating. It’s too stressful to argue with you.
Jane: Well
just think. Because of you, by this time
tomorrow I can be on a date with a killer.
(Maura turns her head to glare;
Jane opens one eye and smirks) Yaaay.
(Morning; Jo Friday
barking)
Maura: (wakes up)
It’s okay buddy. Just me.
Jane: (waking up)
What are you doing here?
Maura: Guess I
fell asleep while I was meditating.
Jane: Well at
least you don’t snore.
Maura: You
kick.
Jane: No no
no, that’s not me. No. It was Jo.
She runs in her sleep.
Maura: Clonic
contractions. Dogs have dog dreams.
Maura: We
should take a look and see if anyone else signed up to hook into you.
Jane: (trying to wake up and glare) That’s not how you say it. It’s hook UP with you.
Maura: (briefly contemplating) Whatever.
Jane: Whatever? I’m the one hooking up.
Maura: Well,
pretending to. (Hands laptop to Jane)
Jane: Easy for
you to say. I can’t believe I’m actually
hoping that the killer wants to meet me.
(Looking at computer screen) Damnit, Jorge. (full
inbox shown) Jorge, Jorge, Jorge,
Jorge, Jorge. Oh, and in case I missed
his first email, and his 10th, Jorge. He’s so nice (pushing Maura, Maura laughing) God!
Maura: Maybe
that’s what you need. (intentionally over the top) You need somebody, loving, supportive.
Jane: Like a
hamster.
Maura: (laughing)
Oh, Jane.
Jane: What?? What you think of as a great guy is an
average woman. If I wanted someone to
walk the dog with me and talk about my feelings, I’d be gay.
Maura: You’re
not gonna say that to him, are you?
Jane: I will
if you don’t. You got me into this, so
get me out of it.
Maura: (looking in Jane’s closet) Uh oh.
Jane: What?
Maura: Now I
understand why you always look like this.
Jane: (concerned, angry
face) Excuse me?!
Maura: You
have nothing to wear.
(Jane gapes in
disbelief)
(Maura holding
flowery little dress)
Maura: This is
completely appropriate.
Jane: (staring, horrified) No, no, it’s perfect. Where exactly am I going to hide the camera
and the wire? I know! In my thong!
Maura: Maybe
you can wear a brief.
Jane: No.
Maura: Mark
Twain said “the clothes make the man”.
Korsack: He
also said “naked people have little to no influence”.
Maura: This is
very serious.
Jane: Maura,
c’mon, it’ll be fine. Alright, we’re
trained professionals. We know what
we’re doing. We’ve actually been
undercover a few times before, so, let me handle this.
Maura: (annoyed/dejected) Okay.
That’s fine. You don’t want my
help. It’s like trying to dress a
squirmy 6 year old anyway. …everything
is too short, too itchy, (mock whiny
voice) I can’t walk in that.
Jane: Maura,
we all love the fact that you look like you’re about to strut down a Paris runway. It’s, it’s, interesting.
Frost: It’s
endearing.
Korsack: Sexy.
(Everyone turns to
look at Korsack)
Jane: (smirking)
It’s, um, it’s fashionable.
Maura: Oh, so
that’s what you think?! You think this
is all about fashion for me? (exasperated sigh from Jane)
Jane: (mumbling)
This is gonna be good. (audibly)
Um, no? It’s not about
fashion?
Maura: (dead pan)
No. It’s not.
Jane: (indulging)
What is it about then?
Maura: I used
to sit at the Musei de Orsi for hours and just stare at it. (lighting
up) D’ya know what I mean?
Jane: Yes, the
Rizzoli family vacations there every summer.
Maura: Have
you ever tried to appreciate Euler’s Number E?
The beautiful equation that connects three constants of mathematics? (genuinely) Have you?
Jane: Yea, I tried
it once. (Korsack laughing)
Maura: I am in
awe of what human beings can do. (smiling)
I am in awe of the (running
her hands across her collar) hand-knit channel stitching of this
sweater. I am in awe of the artisan who
molded, and shaped this shoe (holding it
in her hand).
Jane: I cannot
wait to see what you’re gonna wear!
(Maura
sarcastically smiles)
(Watching through surveillance
camera)
Korsack: Wow.
Dr. Isles is…
Frost: (admiringly) Not very doctorly.
Korsack: …at all!
(Maura the Cocktail
Waitress approaches Jane as she enters the club)
Maura: (smiling)
Your table’s ready Miss.
Jane: Oh my
God. (starting
to take her jacket off) Put this on.
Maura: No! I’m undercover. Follow me.
(Jane groaning)
Maura: (leaning right over Jane) Ladies, (Jane turns to realize she’s looking right down Maura’s top) may I get you something to drink?
Jane: (turning away, dryly) No.
We’re good.
Date #2: I always fall for girls like you.
Jane: (uncomfortable) Like what?
Date: Smart. Tough.
Complicated. (reaches for Jane’s hand)
Jane: (pulling hands away) My hands are sore… from, volleyball.
Korsack: …they’re women.
Frost: Oh, you’re an expert.
Korsack: I’ve been married 30 years.
Frost: To 3 different women.
Korsack: So?
Frost: So that’s not a very good track record
detective.
Korsack: Look where you’re spending your Friday
night. Real ladies man.
Korsack: Rizzoli’s good at this.
Frost: (hesitantly)
At what being a lesbian?
Korsack: Yea.
(Frost laughs) No.
Shut up. I’m listening.
Frost: No you’re not, you’re talking.
Maura: None of
the allele frequencies correspond to the DNA isolated on the 2x4.
Jane: The
blood on the weapon didn’t match any of my dates?
Jane: What
if--
Maura: I don’t
like sentences that begin with “what if”.
Jane: Let’s
assume--
Maura: Why is
that better? (Jane sighs)
Maura: …someone
might have attached it to her body then wiped it clean.
Jane: That’s
good.
Maura: I’m
just guessing.
Jane: Katie
was here with women, so obviously she was cheating. Did you know her wife, Mel?
Bartender: I run a bar not a Church. You know that, right?
Jane: (flirty)
Well you have my number, if you have any new thoughts… (look
from bartender) You said if I was
ever feeling adventurous…
Bartender: Yea?
Jane: Yea. (smiling)
(Bartender comes
around bar, stands close; moves Jane’s hair, kisses her neck, Jane returns to
headquarters)
Jane: (moving hair to side, head tilted) Could you swab my neck for DNA?
Maura: (amused)
I’m not even going to ask why.
Jane: (removing wire from bartender) This is as adventurous as I get.
(Rolling out yoga
mats in class; Jorge enters)
Jane: Crap. Maura!
Maura!
Jorge: (sweetly) Hey.
Jane: Heeey.
Jorge: Look, I just want to say that I support
you choice, Jane.
Jane: (non-committal smile) Okay.
Thank you. …and thank you for the
flowers, and the chocolates and the lunch.
And the car battery, even though mine was fine.
Jorge: Sure.
You’re welcome. (Glancing at Maura; Maura partially smiling,
partially concerned/intrigued) Glad
we live in a state where women like you can get married, if that’s what you
want.
Jane: (annoyed, fake sweet smile) Okay.
(Dirty look at giggling
Maura) You told him I was gay.
Maura: No, he
assumed. It’s different.
Jane: (through her teeth) He ASSUMED?
Maura: (smirking)
Just close your eyes and breathe.
Jane: (exhales)
You better hope this calms me down.
Maura: (amused)
I can always tell him you like him.
Jane: Don’t
you dare.
(RizzIsles pushing each
other, Maura laughing)
GIFs not mine > I save awesome stuff after I reblog
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