The RizzIsles Rhyme & Reason: Quotable RizzIsles: Episode 1.04 -- "She Works Hard for the Money"

Case: College student is shot on campus in broad daylight

RizzIsles: Jane has regrets about not going to college; Maura discovers why Jane never went

Maura: (to the group of students) That computer software can triangulate the sound of a gunshot and find its precise location. (Annoyed confused look off the kid’s disinterest)

Maura: What? Wait, I’m going with you. BCU is my alma mater.

Jane: What about them? (Pointing to the bored, texting students)

Maura: They wanted to be at some tween magazine anyway. (to the students) Let’s go find your parents. (ushers kids out of the room)

Jane: Ugh, speaking of parents… (answers ringing cell) What is it Ma?

Angela: So you know I never told you, but I’d be really good at solving cases.

Maura: Well the forensic sciences can be quite complicated.

Angela: A little common sense goes a long way. I’ve read so many crime novels and I always know who did it.

Jane: Thank you Agatha Cristie. Stay in the car.

Angela: I won’t embarrass you.

Jane: 30 years of experience says otherwise.

Jane: Whoa whoa whoa! You’re trampling my crime scene! You got tape?

Officer: No ma’am.

Jane: (tosses her keys to Officer) Go to my car. In the trunk. There’s tape. And tell the woman who’s in there to stay put.

Officer: (hesitantly) In the, trunk?

Jane: No! In the car.

(Angela poking her head around the wall to look at the crime scene)

Jane: Nope. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. You look like my mother, but she’s supposed to be waiting for me in the car.

Maura: 2cm, singular gunshot wound. Mid chest.

Jane: I bet we’re lookin for a 9mm. (Maura’s irritated expression) I’ll have ballistics confirm. I just like to guess. And I’m usually right.

Jane: Did you play sports?

Maura: (proudly) Ballet. And fencing.

Jane: Those aren’t sports.

Maura: Yes they are! What did you play?

Jane: Field Hockey. I was an Attacker.

Maura: I’m sure you were very aggressive.

Jane: (confused then amused) Attacker is a position. (smiling)

(Maura studies an ankle x-ray)

Jane: Mauuura. She died from a gunshot wound to the chest. Since when is the chest bone connected to the ankle bone?

Maura: The anterior inferior tibia fibular mondosyndum ligament is ruptured.

Jane: (dryly) Sounds painful.

Korsack: Paid it off herself. Lump sum. Straight from the Bursar’s Office. (hands file to Jane)

Jane: Holy-- $57,000 a year?!

Frost: Includes room and board.

Jane: It should include a car! That should an all-expense paid trip around the world!

Korsack: A hell of a lot of money to wear a toga and do jello shots!

Jane: Do you think their parents know they’re spending $1,000 an hour for them to dress in foil?! Okay—why are you wearing this?!

College girl: ABC Party. (Jane’s confused look) Anything But Clothes.

(Skeptically examining food in a Tupperware)

Jane: Is this from the good fridge, or the dead people fridge?

Maura: Cold air is cold air.

Jane: How old is it? No, no don’t tell me. I’m too hungry.

(Smells food, puts it back in Tupperware)

Jane: I was at BCU. The Sorority girls were dressed in FOIL.

Maura: ABC Party. Such a Ro Zata Data thing.

Jane: You take it for granted that you know all that.

Maura: I didn’t know Attacker was a position.

Jane: Such a gaping hole in your education.

(RizzIsles laughing)

Jane: I try not to have regrets. But, I don’t know, when I was on that campus, I felt like I missed out.

Maura: Jane, you’re a bright, accomplished woman.

Jane: I peeked in the library. All the things I could have known if I’d gone to college. (approving smile/nod from Maura) Something about being there, was inspiring, ya know?

Maura: You know more about human beings than anyone I know.

Jane: Bad human beings.

Maura: Well, a mix of good and bad.

(Answers phone)

Jane: Hey Ma. What is it now?

Jane: What is this?

Angela: Well, your father wouldn’t help me. I traded in my car.

Jane: Were you semi-conscious at the time?

Jane: How much?

Maura: 3 maybe 4?

Jane: Hundred?

Maura: Thousand.

Angela: Your father is gonna kill me.

Jane: Tell him not to do it while I’m on call.

Angela: Can you help me get the Buick back? You’re a Police Officer!

Jane: I’m a Homicide Detective! Are you planning on killing the car dealer?!

Angela: I might.

Jane: Leave it to my mother to turn in her Buick for a Pimp-mobile.

Pimp: Ya ride needs work.

Jane: It’s my mothers.

Pimp: Oh damn. Mama’s got some gangsta.

Car Dealer: According to the law, we’re not responsible for abuse, negligence or accidents once the car leaves our lot.

Jane: (holding her badge to her chin) Riiight. Lawww. Hmm. How about you showing me all your 14058 documents that shows that you have the bonds for all these cars? Also, let’s get out your titles so we can verify the VIN numbers. What’dya say, uh, Roger?

Car Dealer: We want all of our customers to have satisfactory experience. I’m sure we can rescind the sale.

Jane: Throw in a new alternator, alright?

Car Dealer: I don’t think that’ll be a problem.

Jane: And- floor mats.

Car Dealer: It’ll be our pleasure.

Angela: I didn’t think you talked to anyone like that but me.

Jane: Is that Mom-speak for Thank you?

Jane: Ohh. Dr. Maura Isles. Knuckle deep in germy bar snacks. I’m shocked.

Maura: Oh. I had representative samples tested. Bacteria count fell within acceptable limits. Want one?

Jane: It must be very complicated to be you.

Maura: You have no idea.

Jane: I feel guilty taking a break without a solid lead.

Maura: We might. I got the lab results back from that hair sample we found on Danielle. It’s synthetic. From a toupee.

Jane: (skeeved out) Danielle was selling herself to a guy with a plastic rug.

Maura: Maybe he took it off. Ya know, (seductively) during.

Jane: Your fancy French boarding school warped your young mind.

Maura: She didn’t have other choices. She couldn’t go to her father. (Off Jane’s look; concerned) Jane, what is it?

Jane: (sadly) You’re right. Her father was very upset he couldn’t keep her in that school without her scholarship.

Jane: Cheese Doodles or Chewy Bears?

Korsack: It’s so hard to choose.

Desk Clerk: You better have the protein bar, Detective.

Korsack: Thanks a lot.

Desk Clerk: You told me to remind you.

Maura: Oh, I’d like to come with you. Pay my respects. Maybe help you look for the bad guy. They like to see the results of their work. I know because I took two years of Forensic Psychiatry.

Jane: It took you two years to figure out the bad guys were screwed up?

Girl: Doctor said just two pucker marks.

Jane: Oh good. So you can continue to wear foil bikinis.

Girl: Are you going to tell my parents?

Jane: That you got shot? I think they already know.

Girl: (smiling) Thank you.

Jane: Here. (handing girl envelope)

Girl : What is it?

Jane: Open it. Weird huh? Talked to the Bursar’s Office and they said you were paid all the way up to your Senior Year.

Jane: So what was it like working on a live victim?

Maura: Terrifying. …and exhilarating.

Jane: I applied to BCU.

Maura: It’s very hard to get in to.

Jane: I got in.

Maura: Why didn’t you go?

Jane: (shrugging) I wanted to be a cop.

Maura: What’s the real reason?

Jane: My father would’ve spent everything to send me there. I couldn’t do that to him.

Maura: Did you ever tell him?

Jane: No. That would make him too sad.

Maura: What are you going to tell Danielle’s father.

Jane: All he needs to know is that his daughter loved him very much.

Maura: Aww. Jane.

Jane: What?

Maura: I think that’s really, (getting choked up), that’s really sweet.

Jane: Oh God. Okay, gimme the wine.

What was your favorite line/scene/quote from this episode? Please let me know if I missed it so I can include it too! :) Happy RizzIsles obsessing!!