Case: An
author is found dead from an apparent suicide; Frost digs back into an old case
of a college kid convicted of killing a college girl
RizzIsles: Maura
& Jane (and Angela) are named Captains of Wellness for BPD; Jane and Maura
find out who Angela has been secretly dating in a very awkward way
Jane: Okay,
I’m dying to know why Cavanaugh brought us all in early. (brightly
smiles at Maura standing by coffee in Café)
Frost: Me
too. It can’t be good news, right?
Korsak: Maybe
Angelina Jolie is playing a homicide cop and wants to do a ride-along.
Frost: Yea,
that must be it.
Jane: (concerned face) There’s no coffee! What the hell?!
Maura: Try
some Green Tea. Only 15 milligrams of
caffeine.
Angela: (walking over with a plate) Anybody want
fresh mint for their tea?
Maura: Nice! Thank you!
Jane: No! We want caffeine.
Angela: I’m
not allowed to serve coffee today.
Jane: Said
who?!
Angela: Him. (gazing
at Cavanaugh)
Cavanaugh: Good
morning! I’m sure you’re all wondering
why I asked you in early this morning.
Jane: Actually
we were wondering where the coffee is, sir.
Cavanaugh: I’m
glad you asked cause the Homicide Squad is taking part in week of health.
(Maura raises her
hand)
Jane: (through gritted teeth to Maura) Are you
raising your hand?!
Cavanaugh: Dr.
Isles?
Maura: I’m
happy to do whatever I can to support this program.
Korsak: Swell.
Cavanaugh: And
why is that? Is it because (reading) 70% of all health issues are
related to smoking, physical inactivity, poor food choices and stress?
Maura: Well
yes. Which leads to higher than average
mortality rates for cancer, suicides and heart disease.
Jane: Maybe because
somebody took their coffee away.
Maura: On
average, police officers only live 2-5 years after retiring.
Detectives: What?!
Cavanaugh: She’s
right. I’m not standing by and letting
my people drop dead.
Frost: What do
we do?
Cavanaugh: Mrs.
Rizzoli and Detective Rizzoli, I’d like you to join Dr. Isles as our Wellness
Captains.
Jane: WHAT?!
Korsak: (smirking)
How bout a nice big round of applause for our new Wellness Captains?
Cavanaugh: Mrs.
Rizzoli will provide meals, Dr. Isles will guide us in 5 minute meditation, and
Detective Rizzoli will lead us in physical activity breaks. (leaves)
Jane: (to Angela)
Why didn’t you give me a heads up?!
I coulda stopped at Boston Joe’s!
Angela: Whooooa. This aggressive behavior proves that you’re a
caffeine addict.
Maura: Let’s
just take a moment and celebrate the fact that Lieutenant Cavanaugh wants us to
be captains! (Maura and Angela celebrate, Jane rolls her eyes)
Jane: (dryly) He wants us to be Hall Monitors
Maura.
Maura: Oh.
Korsak: We
gotta go. We got a high profile suicide.
Jane: GREAT! Let’s go!
C’mon, Frost, we can stop and get some coffee!
Korsak: Victim
was a famous author.
Jane: Is his
name Jules Verne?!
Maura: (impressed)
Nice literary reference! (proud smirk from Jane) Do you see hints of Dickens too? (Jane
rolls her eyes)
Frost: Victim
was a “steam punker”.
Jane: A who?
Frost: Steam
Punkers revere Victorian-era fashion and technology, but add a punk spin.
Maura: The
ligature marks on his neck are inconsistent with a suicide.
Jane: Are they
consistent with a homicide?
Maura: Uhm. (makes
a face, resumes examining)
Jane: Okay,
I’ll make it easy for you: Door #1, suicide.
Door #2, homicide.
Maura: Door
#3, suspicious death.
Jane: Thank
you for playing the annoy-the-uncaffeinated-detectives game.
Maura: (laughing)
I thought you stopped for coffee.
Jane: Line was
too long.
Jane: Whadya
doin Ma?
Angela: Oh
Ladies! (holding up a bin) Please
empty your pockets of any unhealthy snacks.
(Maura follows instructions, Jane
reaches into bin to grab something Maura just put down, Angela pulls bin away
and gasps) Maura, here is your
mid-morning snack.
Jane: (whining)
A quinoa wrap?! Barf!
Maura: Oh
look! A smiley face sticker!
Jane: Why do I
have a sad sticker?
Angela: (sternly) Because a bad attitude is bad
for your body!
Jane: Well
give me the badASS sticker then. Frost
had a donut this morning! What’s gonna
happen to him?!
(Computer voice
plays overhead in lab: “It’s time for your 5 minute meditation”)
Jane: Turn.
That. Off. …please.
Maura: Meditating
lowers stress. It improves focus. I don’t want to have to report you.
Jane: Report
me? You’re gonna report ME?
Maura: (defensive)
Well I have to! Lieutenant
Cavanaugh insisted.
Jane: Okay. 50 push-ups.
(Maura looks offended) Now! I don’t want to be forced to “report you”.
Susie: (walks in with folder) Is this a bad time?
Maura: Not at
all. (smiles
at Susie, glances at Jane, RizzIsles smirk)
Maura: The
particles of both C2 vertebrae were intact.
It’s not a hang man’s fracture.
Jane: What
does that mean? It’s not a hanging
death?
Maura: Well,
I’d expect to see an injury from a sudden, forceful, hyperextension. This is an asphyxiation.
Jane: Okay. I haven’t had any coffee… so can we stick to
strangled, or hung. (whispers) Try again.
Maura: Strangled.
Jane: Good! (smiles)
Maura: Then
hung.
Jane: Why me?!
(Recorded alert
plays from Jane’s phone… in Maura’s voice: “It’s physical activity time”)
Jane: No, it.
is. not. I’m going to kill her! That should fulfill the “physical activity
time” for today!
Cavanaugh: (walks up behind Jane) Glad to hear you
leading everyone Captain Rizzoli.
Jane: (surprised)
Yes. Yes, sir. (stands
up) Everybody up. Stand up.
On your feet. Cause, we are,
jogging. We are jogging in place. (smiles
at Cavanaugh as he leaves) Doesn’t
that feel good?!
Frankie: Detective
Rizzoli. …JANEY!
Jane: What?! (stops
jogging)
Frankie: I
brought in your suspect. When you’re
finished with your calisthenics, thought you’d wanna talk to her?
Jane: (whispers)
Thank you. (to the group) Oh!
Stop!
Frost: Would
you look through my interrogation of Quinton too?
Maura: What am
I looking for?
Frost: Something
I’m not seeing.
Frankie: Jane,
something’s goin on with Ma.
Jane: Maybe
she ate too many chia seeds.
Frankie: Jane,
she’s growing herbs.
Jane: (feigning seriousness) Uh oh. Did you spot cannabis between the basil and
the rosemary?
Frankie: She
hasn’t gardened since Pop left.
Jane: (sarcastically) Oh no. I hope she’s not enjoying her life again.
Frankie: (seriously) Okay, she’s suddenly
interested in lip balm, and she asked me if the pants she was wearing made her
look fat.
Jane: That is
bad. No, that’s a bad sign.
Frankie: Told
you. (walks
away)
Maura: (trying to comfort Frost) It wasn’t your
case; still isn’t…
Frost: What do
I do, Dr. Isles?
Maura: (pensive pause) Pursue the truth. Ann has more to say.
(RizzIsles on floor
in Maura’s living sitting crisscross applesauce)
Maura: (in meditating position, eyes closed;
glances at Jane who is just looking at her) Close your eyes. (resumes meditating)
Jane: (staring into space, bored) How much
longer?
Maura: (stops meditating, sighs in frustration) You’re
insufferable. (mock kid tone) Are we there yet?!
Just quiet the chatter in the monkey mind. Inhale deeply through your nose (inhales), exhale (exhales).
Jane: (loud
noise in background) Did you hear that?
Maura: (trying to maintain meditating) Try not
to attach to the ambient noise.
Jane: No it
sounded like it was coming from right outside the guest house.
Angela: (from outside) Maura! Maura!
(comes storming into Maura’s
living room wearing a silky nighty, one strap off her shoulder)
Jane: Ma, what
the hell’s goin on?
Angela: (distressed) He fell! (RizzIsles jump up to run outside; Angela
holds hand up to Jane) Uh, no! (closes
door)
Jane: Ma!
(Cavanaugh laying
on ground with Maura and Angela over him)
Angela: Sean? Sean?
Jane: Oh my
God!! (visibly skeeved out) Is
that Cavanaugh?!
Maura: Jane,
call 9-1-1.
Cavanaugh: (groggy)
No, no. I said no.
Jane: (stops, turns around) No?
Cavanaugh: I
said no. That’s an order Rizzoli.
Maura: Angela,
get me a towel.
Angela: Okay. (gets
up)
Jane: And his
pants, too.
(Cavanaugh on
couch, Angela holding ice on his head, Maura on other side examining him)
Cavanaugh: What
the hell happened to me?
Maura: It
appears you experienced a vasovagal episode.
Cavanaugh: I
went outside to get some air.
Jane: (quietly, dryly) You live in Dorchester.
Cavanaugh: I
got lightheaded is all.
Jane: (quietly, dryly) Is that how your pants
fell off?
Angela: (whisper yelling) Jane! Don’t embarrass him!
Jane: (whisper yelling) I’ve never been so embarrassed
in my life.
Maura: Well
your dizziness may have been caused by sexual arousal and the sudden rush of
blood to your genitals.
Jane: Oh my
god! (dry
heaving)
Angela: Okay. We weren’t making love, we were just making
out.
Jane: I’m
gonna have a vasovagal episode if you don’t stop. Please, I beg you.
Maura: You should
go to the hospital.
Cavanaugh: No.
Angela: Maybe
you could just, stitch his head up.
Maura: Well,
we need to know what caused this. When
was the last time you ate, Lieutenant?
Angela: Well
he got his meals at the café, same as you two.
Cavanaugh: I
may have skipped lunch… and dinner.
Angela: You
said my healthy food was sensational and delicious.
Jane: He meant
your healthy food was silent and deadly.
Maura: (sighing)
A butterfly bandage might close this up.
(Angela getting off
couch, glares at Jane, walks into kitchen)
Jane: (following Angela into the kitchen) How long have you and my BOSS been seeing
each other?!
Angela: (pointing between them) WE are not going there.
Jane: YOU are
in a slip, and my boss is on my best friend’s couch, IN HIS UNDERWEAR. What do you have to say for yourself?!
(Angela walks back
over to the couch)
Maura: I still
think you need to be seen in the ER.
Cavanaugh: (insistent) No. No one else can know about this
incident. (starts to get up) I’m just
gonna get in my car and go home.
Angela: (standing up to follow him) Alright, at
least let me drive you home.
(Angela and
Cavanaugh leave, Jane helplessly stares at Maura who is trying REALLY hard to
not laugh)
Jane: Please
tell me I’m asleep and that was a dream.
(Jane leading Frost
and Korsak in physical activity time, Cavanaugh walks in)
Cavanaugh: Nice,
jogging Rizzoli.
Jane: (awkwardly, avoiding eye contact) Thank you, sir.
Cavanaugh: Soo,
where we at on the Slater case?
Jane: (awkwardly removing pictures from board,
sits down) Well, uh, both our
suspects have alibis, so nowhere really.
Korsak: Slater
used pseudonyms for all the drug addicts and chat room suicide folks he wrote
about.
Cavanaugh: Okay,
so, run ‘em down people.
Korsak: What’s
goin on with him?
Jane: Too many
whole grains?
Korsak: I’m
thinking that old dog got some last night.
(Jane’s. Face.)
Frankie: When
we getting coffee back?
Angela: You’ll
thank me when you’re old.
Frankie: I’m
not interested in getting old if all I get to drink is green tea.
Cavanaugh: (walking up to café counter) Hello.
Angela: (warmly) Hi Sean.
Cavanaugh: Thanks,
Mrs. Rizzoli.
Angela: I, um,
gave you potatoes instead of quinoa. I
know you said you missed your potatoes.
Cavanaugh: I
don’t deserve the special treatment.
Angela: Yea
you do.
Cavanaugh: Look,
Angela, you’re a wonderful lady. (Frankie overhears)
Angela: But?
Cavanaugh: But,
I’ve got a job to do here. I never
should’ve started this. I’m sorry.
Angela: (hurt)
Oh. (he walks away)
Frankie: Ma? Please tell me that you and Cavanaugh— (look from Angela, he whispers) You’re my mother! What are you doing?!
Angela: (grabs his face) Before I was your mother, I was a person. And what’s so wrong with wanting to be a
person again? (walks away)
Frankie: Want
me to punch his lights out?!
Angela: Noo.
Maura: You
know which occupation has the highest suicide rate?
Jane: Homicide
Detectives while they wait for autopsy results?
Maura: No. Physicians.
Our suicide rate is nearly double the national average. It’s even higher than dentist’s.
Jane: (sarcastically) Maura, is this some kind of cry for help?
Maura: Yes. If you meditate with me, you will greatly
improve the quality of my life.
Jane: Were you
one of those girls who needed another girl to go to the bathroom with them in 7th
grade?!
Maura: (seriously) Of course not!
Jane: Well,
then, I’m sure that you can quite the, monkey, mind, chatter all by
yourself. I know you can!
Jane: Frost,
you’re no good to us until you can focus.
Go. Jog there if it’ll make you
feel better.
Jane: (notices Korsak’s phone goes off) Who’s texting you?
Korsak: (sees text from Angela asking him not to
tell anyone she needs to talk to him) Uh,
new C.I. I’m working with.
(Angela asks Vince
for dating advice and tells him about Cavanaugh)
Korsak: Let me
guess, he broke it off.
Angela: How’d
you know?
Korsak: You
said it. I’ve known him a long time.
Angela: Tell
me Vince or I’ll have you eating this health crap forever.
Korsak: Back
when we were rookies, Sean lost his wife and baby son in a fire. I don’t think he’s even had a serious
girlfriend since.
Angela: Oh. Well that explains some things… I wish he had
told me.
Korsak: I’ve
never heard him talk about it.
Jane: If that
grappling hook is for the wellness program, you can count me out. I’m not a fan of heights.
Maura: Slater was
a terrible typist with bad grammar. He
uses who instead of whom, which instead of that.
Jane: Oh, no
wonder somebody killed him.
Jane: Well do
you have that last page?
Maura: We
certainly do thanks to Sergeant Korsak.
Korsak: Oh no
thanks to you, Dr. Isles.
Maura: (modestly)
Oh, please Sergeant, I couldn’t have done it without your help.
Jane: (disbelief) Okay, we’ll throw you both a
parade later.
Frost: I
always thought the greatest feeling in the world was putting away bad guys.
Jane: It’s
not?
Frost: No. The greatest feeling in the world is freeing
an innocent man.
(Bartender brings 3
beers and glass of wine to group)
Maura: I don’t
think anybody ordered a red wine.
Jane: Hm. Actually, I did. (Maura
stares in disbelief)
Maura: What?!
Jane: (shyly, off everyone’s looks) Well, it’s
like Maura’s always saying, the resveratrol in red wine is excellent for cardiac
health.
Maura: (flattered)
You actually listen to me?
Jane: (sincerely, smiling) Most of the time, yea.
Maura: Well. This deserves a toast. (raises
her glass) Salud.
GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog
