Maura's pseudo-sister. Angela's daughter. Frank's daughter. Frankie and Tommy's sister. Frost and Korsak's partner.
There are a million ways you can describe and define the enigmatic Jane Clementine Rizzoli. Perhaps the best way to get to know her is through her actions, her words and her past...
Classic Jane Moments! Loyal Best Friend, Sister, Daughter, Partner...
Jane: Alright. Look. Come here. Take a few cuts off of this. It’ll make you feel better.
Maura: (excited) Okay.
Jane: Alright. Let’s see it.
Jane: Damnit! I am late for dinner! My mom is gonna kill me.
Frost: You were firebombed, Jane. It’s a good excuse.
Jane: You don’t know my mother. Will you call her and tell her I’m on my way?
Jane: I applied to BCU.
Maura: It’s very hard to get in to.
Jane: I got in.
Maura: Why didn’t you go?
Jane: (shrugging) I wanted to be a cop.
Maura: What’s the real reason?
Jane: My father would’ve spent everything to send me there. I couldn’t do that to him.
Maura: Did you ever tell him?
Jane: No. That would make him too sad.
Maura: We don’t need an ID.
Jane: (kneeling down) Maura. You know him? Oh my God, I’m so sorry.
Maura: He’s always liked the finer things in life.
Jane: Yea, he liked you
Jane: (holding out bottle of juice Angela is selling) Will you run some tests on this, please?
Maura: What case?
Jane: “Is Jane’s mother poisoning the neighborhood?”
Maura: Uh oh. Sure.
(Homicide team connects the dots for how Garret could have faked his alibi)
Jane: Maura, I’m sorry.
(Maura leaves, clearly upset; Jane goes downstairs to check on her)
Jane: You ok?
Maura: (shakes her head) Should’ve seen it.
Jane: You did. There’s a reason you didn’t commit to him after college. There is a reason that you’re holding back now. It’s called gut instinct.
Maura: (getting choked up) There were clues and I c--, I couldn’t put them together.
Jane: You did it. You did it subconsciously.
Maura: The oysters. That’s how I missed it. The oysters. And it was right in front of me! The whole time!
Jane: Okay. C’mon. I’ll take it from here. (walks around to comfort Maura)
Jane: (brings champagne to the table at the Dirty Robber) Okay. Here, we go.
Maura: I’m not really in a champagne kind of a mood.
Jane: Good. It’s beer. I thought we would celebrate the simple things I life.
Maura: I don’t really drink beer.
Jane: That cause you never had, MY beer.
Maura: Okay. Well can we at least drink it YOUR way?
Jane: Yes. We can. Let’s get this right.
(beer comes)
Maura: Okay, here we go. Cheers.
Jane: (drinking her beer) Hmm (gesturing for Maura to just drink it)
Maura: (drinks beer; surprised smile) That’s delicious!
Jane: Right?? Wait til you try a Spuckie!
Maura: (slightly concerned) I don’t know what that is but it sounds really….
Jane: You okay?
Maura: It’s distracting to work in a wrinkled dress.
Jane: So go home and change.
Maura: No, no. I’m not leaving you. But I have some bad news.
Jane: Oh and the day started off so promising.
Jane: I’m sorry. I’m being a jerk.
(portion of tape plays with Hoyt telling Maura he’s like her; Jane notices her discomfort)
Jane: (to Dean) Hey, will you go see if Frost and Korsak have got anything yet?
Dean: Sure.
Jane: You okay? (Brief upset glance from Maura) C’mon Maura. Talk to me. He’s a FREAK. Okay, he gets to everybody.
Maura: (holding emotions at bay) I did a lot of research into, into his background. His childhood. Maybe he’s not wrong.
Jane: What are you talking about?
Maura: Maybe I am, a little bit like him.
Jane: (seriously) You are NOTHING LIKE HIM.
Jane: C’mere. (Taking Maura’s hands) No matter what happened to you, you are NOTHING like that monster. K? Yea you are a little antisocial maybe, a little goofy. That’s not the same thing. Okay? (Maura nodding, smiling with a tear running down her face) We’re a pair, aren’t we? (quiet laughing)
Maura: (answering morgue phone) This is Dr. Isles. What?? That’s not possible. I’m looking at it right now.
Jane: What’s the matter?
Maura: (to Jane) They’re saying that there’s a problem with the DNA sample of our John Doe. (into the phone) Yes I see it but it’s not possible. I don’t cross-contaminate my samples.
Jane: Maura, c’mon. You’re not perfect. Send another sample.
Maura: Okay, I’ll call you back. (hangs up phone) It’s not possible. (goes to computer)
Jane: Maura, everybody makes mistakes. It’s okay. Just send it again.
Jane: I’m so sorry, Maura.
Maura: I’m fidgeting. I’m fidgeting. I never fidget.
Jane: (laughing) Welcome to the human race.
Maura: (laughing, then serious) I always wondered what it’d be like to have a sibling. …more than what it’d be like to meet my biological parents.
Jane: That seems normal.
Maura: I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know his name… all I know is that he was a theif.
Jane: And a brilliant artist.
Maura: That’s not enough. How did he end up on my table? Why did he do what he did? What if I never know?
Jane: What do you know about your biological parents?
Maura: Nothing. My parents told me that my adoption was private with their lawyer. All they knew was my birthdate. Maybe that’s not even right.
Jane: You gonna tell them about this?
Maura: No. No. I didn’t even tell them when I tried to find my biological mother and father before I started college.
Jane: What’d you find out?
Maura: All the files were useless or sealed by a court order. (sadly) I may have wanted to know them, but they didn’t want to know me.
Jane: Okay. (sits up and reaches for Maura) What can I do?
Jane: (walks around to Maura) Maura, if this is too much for you— (rubs her arm). Here. (hands her giant sketch book that belonged to her brother) You should have this.
Maura: No, that’s evidence. You have to put that back.
Jane: I’ll make copies. …and I know where they are if I need them. Keep it for now.
Maura: (warmly) Really?
Jane: Yea. Here. (sets book on empty table to look through)
(Maura’s cell rings)
Jane: It’s a blocked ID. (answering the phone) Whatever you want, I can get it. Maura?! Are you okay?? No, um, can you get to my apartment? I’ll be right there. (hanging up) She’s okay. She’s okay. (running out)
Jane: (smirking) Don’t tell me you’re finally let emotion run that big brain.
Maura: (half smile, head in hand) I don’t know who I am anymore.
Jane: Come on. You’re the same ridiculously smart, amazing, goofy person that you were before. Knowing that he is the source of the sperm doesn’t change that.
Maura: (eyeing Jane) Who tipped him off?
Jane: Not me. You said not to. I think the message is pretty clear though.
Frost: Don’t mess with my family.
Korsak: (seriously, direct eye contact with Maura) You do what you need to do to protect family.
Jane: Yea!! Nice! Very nice Pop! (to Maura) And you. You’re a genius!
Maura: (excited) Yes. I am.
Jane: (laughing) And a humble one too!
(RizzIsles laughing)
Maura: What? It only takes 150 IQ points to be a genius.
Jane: What? So you’re a dumb genius? (Maura pinches Jane) Hey!
Frankie: (strange, boy ninja noises, Frankie Sr. pulls him away)
Jane: Still sorry you didn’t grow up with a sibling?! (throwing peanuts at Frankie)
Maura: (laughing) Yea. I am.
Jane: (sweet, sympathetic smile) Here, we’ll cure you of that. (moves peanuts closer to Maura so she can throw them at Frankie too) Aim at the head. Face.
(RizzIsles laughing)
Maura: Jane, I’m just guessing. Okay? I would need to confirm it.
Jane: (yelling) You don’t have time to confirm it! Your guess is better than most doctors.
Maura: This isn’t a hospital. I don’t have an anesthetic.
Jane: It’s alright, Maura. Just do the best you can, okay?
Maura: Frankie, this is going to hurt, ok? I have to drain the blood from your lungs so you can breathe.
Jane: (whispering) Maura hurry.
Maura: Okay. I need you to hold him down for me.
Jane: Okay. (Frankie yells out in pain) It’s okay, buddy. It’s alright.
Maura: I have to insert the tube to drain the blood.
Jane: We trust you.
Classic Jane Moments! Balance of Strength and Sensitivity
Jane: You told Agent Dean where we were, didn’t you?
Maura: I did.
Jane: Without telling me?
Maura: I’m sorry.
Jane: Really? You’re sorry? Because I treated a Senior Federal Agent like a perp. I tackled him, Maura. In a creek.
Maura: Well that’s unfortunate. But there is a fine line between courage and stupidity.
Jane: Yea. A fine, thin, blue line.
Other misc convo
Maura: (smirking) Did you actually tackle him?
Jane: Yes. Like a linebacker. Very professional.
Maura: (Laughs) Wow. You’re very brave.
Jane: No. I’m simply tired of being afraid.
(Jo Friday barks)
Jane: What? You have a turtle.
Maura: Tortoise.
Jane: Whatever.
Maura: Well at least give her a bath.
Jane: Here. (handing girl envelope)
Girl : What is it?
Jane: Open it. Weird huh? Talked to the Bursar’s Office and they said you were paid all the way up to your Senior Year.
Maura: What are you going to tell Danielle’s father.
Jane: All he needs to know is that his daughter loved him very much.
Maura: Aww. Jane.
Jane: What?
Maura: I think that’s really, (getting choked up), that’s really sweet.
Jane: Oh God. Okay, gimme the wine.
Maura: The damage is called by a disorder called alpha one ditrispa deficiency.
Jane: (clearly confused and waiting for the dots to connect) Sweetie, I’m sorry. I don’t know why you’re telling me this.
Maura: You’re defending a stone cold killer.
Jane: No I’m-- yes I am. Uhh… and, I’m, gonna, stop, now. Look. I think that whoever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out. (watching Maura’s face) If it makes you feel better, these were all bad guys.
Maura: He said Colin was too much like him. What about me? Look what I do for a living. I’m around more death than he is.
Jane: (grabbing Maura’s arm) But you’re not the one doing the killing. Maura, listen to me. You are in danger.
Maura: No I’m not.
Jane: As long as Patrick Doyle is out there, yes. You are.
Maura: He’s not gonna kill me.
Jane: Whoever killed Colin will not hesitate to kill you if they figure out who you are. We need some help.
Jane: (deliberating, conflicted) If he wants to protect you, maybe we should just let him handle it.
Maura: No! No, no, I’m not helping him kill another human being!
Jane: Even if it keeps you alive?
Maura: No.
Jane: Even if we arrest Colin’s killer, that will just leave a path for your father’s enemies to find you.
Maura: So there you go. My my father, hurt a lot of people.
Jane: He’s not your father.
Maura: My brother turned out just like him.
Jane: There’s no proof that Colin killed anyone and he’s not your brother.
Maura: So what? He’s, he’s the sperm donor’s spawn?
Jane: Exactly.
Maura: And all he did was, what, steal identities and life savings? Killing people in other ways.
Jane: So what does Colin Doyle have to do with you?
Maura: There are empirical data from several sources provide strong, converging lines of evidence (Jane rubbing her temples) that indicate that there is some degree of genetic predisposition for crime!
Jane: Maura, there is not an evil bone in your body.
Maura: It’s in my DNA.
Jane: (taking her hand) So what? You want a study that proves that you’re not your father or your brother?!
Maura: Yes.
Jane: I get it, Maura, I do. But we’re talking about your survival. Okay? He said he wanted to send a message. Those were his words? (Maura nods)
Maura: Yea.
Jane: That means even if we get Tommy O’Rourke, someone else will be gunning for you. (Maura thinking) Doyle is the only one who can stop them all.
Maura: I know the consequences if I don’t do this, Jane. I do. I’ve thought about it.
Jane: (grabbing for the phone) Well, I’ll do it then.
Maura: (grabs phone from Jane) Why is it any different? This is not who I am. It’s not who you are.
Jane: (thinking) Give it to me and I’ll take it to the Crime Lab. Maybe they can track something.
Maura: (contemplative and stressed, hands phone over to Jane)
Classic Jane Moments! Quick-witted, HILARIOUS and true to herself
Jane: (To Maura as she answers the door in the middle of the night) Why do you always look like you’re about to do a photo shoot?
Jane: Are we having a sleepover or is this your way of telling me you’re attracted to me?
Maura: Um, what’s my ringtone?
(Funeral March plays from Jane’s phone)
Maura: (smirking) Nice. …and upbeat.
Jane: I wanted a horse. Please don’t tell me you always wanted to dissect dead people.
Maura: Great. But, um, dressed like that?
Jane: These are my going out clothes.
Jane: Was she dead before she was tossed over?
Maura: I’d be guessing.
Jane: I won’t tell.
Maura: It takes 20-30 seconds to pass out from strangulation. 1-post-mortem- trauma. 2-post-mortem-trauma.
Jane: I get it. Strangling sucks.
Angela: We’re not leaving until we find something we both like.
Jane: Did you bring food and water?
Angela: Every girl needs an LBD.
Jane: Not me. I… got vaccinated.
Jane: Ma, where am I gonna wear this? A murder at the Boston Pops?
Jane: Okay let me guess… he was smothered with a burning down pillow while he drank candle wax.
Maura: No.
Jane: Maura, I know it makes you break out into hives if you have to guess. But I need a theory. Just one.
Maura: The medical evidence is consistent with what I would expect to find if the victim went through an exorcism.
Jane: He was killed by an exorcism?
Maura: I didn’t say that.
Jane: I will insult your mother if it will keep my ass smaller.
Maura: Yes but I’m waiting on toxin micros, but I can tell you this conclusively, it was not a natural death.
Jane: Really? You could knock me over with a chicken feather.
Maura: What’s that?
Jane: Want some?
Maura: Is that okay?
Jane: Yea.
Maura: What is that white substance?
Jane: Fluff.
Maura: Like downy particles of cotton?
Jane: It’s marshmallow. (confused face from Maura) …and the brown substance is called peanut butter. It’s ground up, heavy, oily particles of peanuts. What they didn’t have that in your fancy boarding school?
Maura: It’s really good!
Maura: I spent two years in Decar in (something in French).
Frost: You were in Doctors without Borders?
Jane: Why can’t you just say that?
Jane: Ew no! Not out of the dead fridge!
Maura: (laughing) So?
Jane: SO! You get rid of guys if they have receding gums!
Maura: That’s true.
Jane: Thank you Agatha Cristie. Stay in the car.
Angela: I won’t embarrass you.
Jane: 30 years of experience says otherwise.
Jane: Whoa whoa whoa! You’re trampling my crime scene! You got tape?
Officer: No ma’am.
Jane: (tosses her keys to Officer) Go to my car. In the trunk. There’s tape. And tell the woman who’s in there to stay put.
Officer: (hesitantly) In the, trunk?
Jane: No! In the car.
(Angela poking her head around the wall to look at the crime scene)
Jane: Nope. No, no. No. No. No. No. No. You look like my mother, but she’s supposed to be waiting for me in the car.
Maura: The anterior inferior tibia fibular mondosyndum ligament is ruptured.
Jane: (dryly) Sounds painful.
Jane: Holy-- $57,000 a year?!
Frost: Includes room and board.
Jane: It should include a car! That should an all-expense paid trip around the world!
Jane: Do you think their parents know they’re spending $1,000 an hour for them to dress in foil?! Okay—why are you wearing this?!
(Skeptically examining food in a Tupperware)
Jane: Is this from the good fridge, or the dead people fridge?
Maura: Cold air is cold air.
Jane: How old is it? No, no don’t tell me. I’m too hungry.
(Smells food, puts it back in Tupperware)
Jane: What is this?
Angela: Well, your father wouldn’t help me. I traded in my car.
Jane: Were you semi-conscious at the time?
Angela: Your father is gonna kill me.
Jane: Tell him not to do it while I’m on call.
Angela: Can you help me get the Buick back? You’re a Police Officer!
Jane: I’m a Homicide Detective! Are you planning on killing the car dealer?!
Angela: I didn’t think you talked to anyone like that but me.
Jane: Is that Mom-speak for Thank you?
Jane: It took you two years to figure out the bad guys were screwed up?
Jane: Okay, I think I’m getting a wedgie. C’mon.
Maura: Oh God. (Jane moves her to block her)
Jane: Just stand here.
Maura: Can’t you do this in the bathroom??
Jane: What? No! It’ll just take a second.
Maura: Can you hold this?
(Jane can’t figure out how to drink from any of the 3 glasses in her hands)
Jane: K, um, this is how we do it in my family. (Stabs fish with the knife; juice squirts all over her) OH! (Everyone turns to look; Maura smiles and keeps eating)
(In Yoga Class)
Jane: It hurts.
Maura: Pain is only in your mind.
Jane: Feels like my leg. (Few poses later) My mind has a cramp.
Jane: Frost we’re lookin’ for a 2x4--
(Frost picks up bloody 2x4 a few feet away)
Jane: Frost, we’re lookin for an idiot.
Maura: OH! Jorge thinks you’re hot!
Jane: Forget it.
Maura: (laughing) C’mon Jane. Listen to me. Every time he looks at you he contracts his orbicularis oculi and parazorbatalis.
Jane: Gross.
Maura: It’s facial muscles. Please?
Jane: Only if you tell me what killed her.
Maura: (annoyed, conspirator look, Jane bats her eyelashes and smiles) There should be more blood associated with her facial lacerations.
Jane: I’m gonna have so much fun at home on my couch ALONE.
(More potential cause of death talk)
Jane: …so what killed her?
Maura: I don’t know yet.
Jane: Well I don’t know what I’m gonna have for dinner.
Jane: Jorge’s in “medicine”?!
Maura: Technically. Yes he is.
Jane: What’s his specialty, lactation?!
Jane: (looking around, whispering) You mean a dildo?
Maura: (looking around) Yes, I believe that is the popular term for it. But did you know that a 28,000 year old stone phallus was recently found in a German cave? The Ice Age men were using it for napping flints.
Jane: Yea the Ice Age women were using it for making sparks too.
(RizzIsles laughing)
Maura: Chocolate Happiness Undergoing More Pleasantness Study. Yea, it actually concluded that chocolate makes us happier.
Jane: Chocolate from Jorge makes me sadder.
Jane: Please. Jorge is more submissive than my dog. Maybe I should be a lesbian.
Maura: Not this one. Listen. She likes to hike, has season tickets to the Celtics.
Jane: Front row. Oh, I might flip for that.
Jane: What?? What you think of as a great guy is an average woman. If I wanted someone to walk the dog with me and talk about my feelings, I’d be gay.
Maura: You’re not gonna say that to him, are you?
Jane: I will if you don’t. You got me into this, so get me out of it.
Jane: Maura, we all love the fact that you look like you’re about to strut down a Paris runway. It’s, it’s, interesting.
Maura: I used to sit at the Musei de Orsi for hours and just stare at it. (lighting up) D’ya know what I mean?
Jane: Yes, the Rizzoli family vacations there every summer.
Jane: (looking at Jane’s sneakers) You didn’t tell me we were running as mallard ducks.
Maura: Well, I haven’t built up my foot muscles to the point where I can run barefoot.
Jane: We’ll chip in and buy you some shoes.
Maura: Well early humans ran very comfortably without shoes. Research has proven that the barefoot strike pattern is much less stressful.
Jane: You. Talking Google. Stressful.
Maura: Mass panic. 346 pilgrims were trampled to death during a ritual at Ramial Jamrian because somebody panicked.
Jane: Exactly. So you gonna, “Ramialla jimjam” right here. Do you want that?
Jane: (to Rondo) So you saw a hot girl running in shorts? You’re a hero.
Maura: I’ll stay.
Jane: (amused) What are you going to do? Hit him over the head with your Burken bag?
Jane: Maura what is Frankie’s face doing?
Maura: Movement of the outer orbicularis oculi par lateralis. He’s happy.
Jane: I’m being hunted by a serial killer and my little brother’s occipital spatula is orbiting.
Frankie: I’m sorry, Jane.
Jane: Oh don’t be sorry. Frankie’s got a girlfriend.
Frankie: We just met.
Jane: There it is! His occipital, spatula is doing it again.
(Maura puts head in hand laughing)
Maura: John Doe. 20s. He’s in good health.
Jane: (laughing) Except for the ice pick sticking out of his ear.
Jane: Find anything?
Maura: Cause of death: massive cerebral hemorrhage caused by an ice pick penetrating the brain.
Jane: I figured the ice pick had something to do with it. (snide stare from Maura) I meant did you find anything that helps us know who he is.
Jane: (laughing and jumping) And she was stomping everything out. (high pitch, mock yelling voice) Frankie!! In her white shoes. (pointing to Maura) Which she was wearing after Labor Day.
Maura: (laughing and surprised) I didn’t know you knew the Labor Day rule.
Jane: (laughing) C’mon, everybody knows the Labor Day rule.
Jane: You brought your turtle to work?
Maura: Tortoise. I couldn’t get his usual caregiver.
(Jane laughs)
(Maura putting cash into the coffee fund jar)
Jane: No, no, no. 20 is overkill. You’re only a jerk if you don’t leave anything. Here. (puts a few dollars in the can, sips the coffee) God! When was that made, November?!
Classic Jane Moments! Passionate Badass Professional... with significant attempts at patience
Jane: If we take this body back now all we’ll find out is “yup she’s dead” and “yup, they killed her”. Please. Do this for me.
Jane: Maura, what do you see?
Maura: A reddish brown stain.
Jane: In other words, blood.
Maura: No, the crime lab will determine what it is. She has no lacerations.
Jane: So maybe we got lucky and the killer was bleeding. Or smearing reddish brown stuff.
Maura: Exorcisms are very powerful.
Jane: Is that what she said?
Maura: No.
Jane: Is that what you said?
Maura: No.
Jane: Maura.
(Maura explains the conversation that actually took place)
Maura: You’re not a true member until you have a nickname.
Jane: Yo, Dr. Death. J-Lo needs a cause of death, not a seminar on gangsta nicknames.
Maura: Well I’m not going to guess.
Jane: Well if you were to guess, hypothetically guess. What would be your guess? Hypothetically…
Jane: No. I said I was about to serve a warrant. I didn’t say when.
Jane: Can you type the genetics of the monkshood in Matt’s body and match it to the plant that it came from?
Maura: No.
Jane: Can you lie about that?
Maura: No. I don’t lie.
Jane: It’s not a lie.
Maura: Yes it is. I know when it is. I start to hyperventilate.
Jane: It’s a white lie.
Maura: It’s still a lie.
Jane: Haven’t you ever lied to a guy and told him he was good when he wasn’t?
Maura: No.
Jane: Do you like this shirt with this jacket?
Maura: Not really, no.
Maura: 2cm, singular gunshot wound. Mid chest.
Jane: I bet we’re lookin for a 9mm. (Maura’s irritated expression) I’ll have ballistics confirm. I just like to guess. And I’m usually right.
(Maura studies an ankle x-ray)
Jane: Mauuura. She died from a gunshot wound to the chest. Since when is the chest bone connected to the ankle bone?
Obnoxious Lawyer: Well I’ve come a long way from there.
Jane: Maybe too far when you’re protecting rich bosses.
(Stubborn Coast Guard guy won’t get out of the way)
Jane: You want kids?!
Maura: None of the allele frequencies correspond to the DNA isolated on the 2x4.
Jane: The blood on the weapon didn’t match any of my dates?
Jane: (moving hair to side, head tilted) Could you swab my neck for DNA?
Maura: (amused) I’m not even going to ask why.
Jane: Next reddish brown stain. You call blood. Before the labs come in.
Maura: (disbelief) You want me to lie??
Jane: No I want you to state the obvious.
Maura: (sighing and uncomfortable) Hypothetically, based on the crime scene, I will determine whether it is possible to hypothesize that a stain is blood.
Jane: I’ll take that as a yes. (Pulls off tshirt)
Kid: It’s my responsibility to alert the authorities.
Jane: (pulling badge out of tank) I am the authorities.
Maura: I come--. Jane--. Sure, Jane. (jokingly) Just give me a leatherman’s and some duct tape and I’m ready to go.
Race Guy: I got those both right here.
Jane: K, good. Here autopsy table. Look, scrubs. What else do you need?
Race Guy: Okay. If this thing blows up, bomb’s in your hands.
Jane: (holds up hands to show scars) Wouldn’t be the first time.
Maura: Wow. Picking a fight. With the Governor. You’re fearless.
Jane: No I’m not.
Maura: C’mon Jane. Maybe we just stop the race.
Jane: Maura we stop this race we send the message to thousands of people that we give in to fear. We don’t give in to fear.
Jane: 25 POINT 5?
Maura: Well based on my calculations--
Jane: (grabbing her arm) Please tell me later.
Classic Jane Moments! Vulnerable, emotional and trusting
Jane: Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?
Maura: No.
Jane: Did you ever have a best friend?
Maura: No.
Jane: You’d tell me if you were a cyborg, right?
Maura: (thinking) No, I don’t think I would.
Maura: I’m not seeing him (Dean).
Jane: Yet.
Maura: Well, somebody should don’t you think?
Jane: Yup.
Maura: Should we draw straws?
Jane: Couldn’t we just show him our tits and let him decide?
(Laughing)
(Jane hears a sound and sits up)
Maura: It’s okay. (Reaches for Jane’s arm) It’s just Bass. Really. It’s okay.
Jane: I’ve never been so scared in all my life.
Maura: Do you want to know what I’m thinking?
Jane: It’s so weird. I do.
Maura: I think I know why you’re making such a big deal out of the fact that Grant’s your new boss.
Jane: I don’t want to know what you’re thinking.
Jane: Okay. I date two kinds of guys. One that hates that I’m a cop, and one that wants me to use the handcuffs. Watch this. (holds up cuffs as guy approaches) 3-2-1…bye bye. (looks at his smirking friend) “I like handcuffs”. Alright, enough of this.
Jane: At recess he used to yell out “Roly Poly Rizzoli eats cannoli”.
Maura: Aww. You were overweight?
Jane: No. I was athletic. Maybe I was a little chunky. Why? What’d they call you?
Maura: (singing/chanting) Maura the bor-a. They meant boring but it doesn’t rhyme.
Maura: Haven’t you ever been scared of something?
Jane: Witches. My family went to Salem when I was little. I had to sleep with a nightlight.
Maura: See? You were very impressionable.
Jane: Why? What were you scared of?
Maura: Chromium bacterium vialactium.
Jane: What’s that?
Maura: Flesh eating bacteria… it gets into your ear and starts eating you from the inside out---
Jane: I got it.
Maura: It’s horrible.
Angela: I need to know you’re taken care of.
Jane: By him?! Are you kidding?
Angela: He’s cute!
Jane: He’s not cute!
Angela: He’s very cute!
Jane: So what?!
Angela: Go!
Jane: You go!!
Angela: Be a girl!!
Jane: Why are you laughing?? Do I look stupid?
Maura: No! Are you kidding? Really, you don’t know?? You’re gorgeous, my friend.
Maura: You’re always complaining that the guys you date don’t understand or like your job, and he respects you.
Jane: Stop.
Maura: Really. You think he’s this political animal but it’s just that it comes out of him when he’s around you (smirking) because he wants to impress you. It’s mating behavior. I think it’s sweet.
Jane: I think you’re insane. I’m off to solve a murder.
Maura: Nightlight off or on?
Jane: On. I can’t wait til we solve this one.
Maura: (smug, I-told-you-so face about liking Grant)
Jane: Oh shut up.
Jane: I try not to have regrets. But, I don’t know, when I was on that campus, I felt like I missed out.
Maura: Jane, you’re a bright, accomplished woman.
Jane: I peeked in the library. All the things I could have known if I’d gone to college. (approving smile/nod from Maura) Something about being there, was inspiring, ya know?
Maura: You know more about human beings than anyone I know.
Jane: Bad human beings.
Maura: Well, a mix of good and bad.
Jane: Why are you doing the autopsy on a Sunday? They cancel all the kundalini, pitalau, ricu yoga classes.
Maura: Kundalini is sacred energy work. Pitalau is a savory rice dish and I’m pretty sure you made up that last word.
Jane: Oh I’m sorry I’m not as educated as you and your deluxe friends.
Jane: So you gonna try the chocolate?
(Korsack walks in)
Maura: (picks up chocolate) Is this an apology? (smiling)
Jane: For what?
Korsak: Oh boy. (starts to walk away)
Jane: (to Korsack) Ah ah. You ask her.
Korsak: Jane thought maybe Garret would tell you the name of the woman his brother had lunch with before he died.
Maura: So, this is a bribe? Tell Jane, if she thinks that chocolate will induce me to use my personal relationship with Garret Fairfield she doesn’t know me very well.
Jane: Tell Maura that I didn’t realize I needed to bribe her with the hope diamond--
Korsak: My phone! Oh, I gotta take this. (walks out)
(RizzIsles glaring at each other)
Jane: You looked really at home in that world.
Maura: It’s where I’m from. It’s not where I chose to stay.
Jane: Well what are you doin down here slumming with us?
Maura: The same as you. I’m catching bad guys.
Jane: I need the job. You don’t.
Maura: Look, I want my life to have meaning and purpose. The same as you.
Jane: (defeatedly) Sounds good, Maura. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m not even sure whose side you’re on. (Walks out)
(Maura calls Jane from Garret’s car while he’s in a coffee shop)
Jane: Rizzoli.
Maura: Jane.
Jane: Maura, I’m sorry.
Maura: No, it’s okay, listen. I don’t have a lot of time. Adam had a mistress. Vanessa DeWald.
Jane: Wh--, why you doin this?
Maura: Because I have your back.
Jane: Won’t I embarrass you?
Maura: Probably. But haven’t I embarrassed you?
Jane: No…. more than half a dozen times.
(Maura laughs and hits her arm)
Jane: Cocktail dress required? Can’t I just go like this?
Maura: The darkening of the nasal jugafold indicates fatigue and vitamin deficiency.
Jane: (staring at the corpse, uninterested tone) Really?
Maura: (looking up at Jane) You. You have dark circles under your eyes. Are you not sleeping again?
Jane: Thank you. You look nice too.
Maura: Having nightmares again?
Jane: Yea. I dreamed I showed up to work in my underwear.
Maura: Anxiety.
Jane: Ya think?!
Maura: Yes I have this recurring dream that I have this bio chemistry final and I haven’t studied.
Jane: (dryly) Really. Stop. It’s terrifying. (Maura smirking) I can’t take anymore.
Jane: Yea. (smiling) You look good.
Maura: (laughing) Okay.
Jane: (loads and re-arms gun, hands it back to Maura) Okay. It’s loaded. I’m only doing this because I’m tired. (Maura nods) Point it that way. Don’t shoot my neighbors because I’d hate to have to lock you up.
Maura: (smiling and nodding) Jane.
Jane: Yea?
Maura: Do I look badass?
Jane: (amused) Yea. You look like a badass.
Maura: K.
Jane: Marino wants a cup of coffee, there’s none upstairs. Guy is a wreck.
Maura: I’ve tried everything… british strawberries, fennel, bok choy.
Jane: (stopping) Are we in the same conversation?
Maura: Sorry. I was talking about Bass.
Jane: Oh, you’re obsessing over your turtle again.
Maura: (offended) Tortoise. (Jane puts salt in coffee) He likes salt, in his coffee?
Jane: (confused, looks down) Damnit.
Maura: You know when, people lock their keys in their car, sprain their ankle, usually indicates something significant is bothering them.
Jane: Cop was murdered.
Maura: Yea, but that’s not why you’re salting your coffee.
Jane: (hesitates, catches her breath) It’s my brother, Tommy.
Maura: (nodding) I always wondered about him.
Jane: Well, Frankie and I became cops, and Tommy went to prison for hitting a priest in a crosswalk.
Maura: Oh.
Jane: It was his 3rd strike for driving under the influence.
Maura: Your poor parents.
Jane: (ranting) And you know they keep saying “if the priest that he hit has forgiven him, why can’t we?”. This isn’t about forgiveness. You know, Tommy is, is, really troubled. And the more they deny it, the more he screws up.
Maura: (softly) You really care about him.
Jane: I just think that we need to face reality. Tommy needs help. This isn’t like he broke his leg and it’ll heal.
Maura: (nodding) I’m really sorry.
Jane: (calmer) Thank you. Don’t worry about it. We got too much to do today to worry about Tommy. (walking away)
Jane-isms!
- Later that same day...
- Vomit.
- (Tap tap tap on Maura's opposite shoulder... smile when she eventually turns the right way)
-
Jane's most important people are lucky to have someone who loves so purely, protects so completely and guides them toward the lighter moments of life!
For more on Jane, read about the power of her friendship with Maura, and some of their inside jokes and shared moments. Moments from Seasons 2 & 3 on their way!
Looking for quotes from specific episodes? Find the episode you're looking for on my home page.
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