Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Case: An author is found dead from an apparent suicide; Frost digs back into an old case of a college kid convicted of killing a college girl
RizzIsles: Maura & Jane (and Angela) are named Captains of Wellness for BPD; Jane and Maura find out who Angela has been secretly dating in a very awkward way
Jane: Okay, I’m dying to know why Cavanaugh brought us all in early. (brightly smiles at Maura standing by coffee in Café)
Frost: Me too. It can’t be good news, right?
Korsak: Maybe Angelina Jolie is playing a homicide cop and wants to do a ride-along.
Frost: Yea, that must be it.
Jane: (concerned face) There’s no coffee! What the hell?!
Maura: Try some Green Tea. Only 15 milligrams of caffeine.
Angela: (walking over with a plate) Anybody want fresh mint for their tea?
Maura: Nice! Thank you!
Jane: No! We want caffeine.
Angela: I’m not allowed to serve coffee today.
Jane: Said who?!
Angela: Him. (gazing at Cavanaugh)
Cavanaugh: Good morning! I’m sure you’re all wondering why I asked you in early this morning.
Jane: Actually we were wondering where the coffee is, sir.
Cavanaugh: I’m glad you asked cause the Homicide Squad is taking part in week of health.
(Maura raises her hand)
Jane: (through gritted teeth to Maura) Are you raising your hand?!
Cavanaugh: Dr. Isles?
Maura: I’m happy to do whatever I can to support this program.
Cavanaugh: And why is that? Is it because (reading) 70% of all health issues are related to smoking, physical inactivity, poor food choices and stress?
Maura: Well yes. Which leads to higher than average mortality rates for cancer, suicides and heart disease.
Jane: Maybe because somebody took their coffee away.
Maura: On average, police officers only live 2-5 years after retiring.
Cavanaugh: She’s right. I’m not standing by and letting my people drop dead.
Frost: What do we do?
Cavanaugh: Mrs. Rizzoli and Detective Rizzoli, I’d like you to join Dr. Isles as our Wellness Captains.
Korsak: (smirking) How bout a nice big round of applause for our new Wellness Captains?
Cavanaugh: Mrs. Rizzoli will provide meals, Dr. Isles will guide us in 5 minute meditation, and Detective Rizzoli will lead us in physical activity breaks. (leaves)
Jane: (to Angela) Why didn’t you give me a heads up?! I coulda stopped at Boston Joe’s!
Angela: Whooooa. This aggressive behavior proves that you’re a caffeine addict.
Maura: Let’s just take a moment and celebrate the fact that Lieutenant Cavanaugh wants us to be captains! (Maura and Angela celebrate, Jane rolls her eyes)
Jane: (dryly) He wants us to be Hall Monitors Maura.
Korsak: We gotta go. We got a high profile suicide.
Jane: GREAT! Let’s go! C’mon, Frost, we can stop and get some coffee!
Korsak: Victim was a famous author.
Jane: Is his name Jules Verne?!
Maura: (impressed) Nice literary reference! (proud smirk from Jane) Do you see hints of Dickens too? (Jane rolls her eyes)
Frost: Victim was a “steam punker”.
Jane: A who?
Frost: Steam Punkers revere Victorian-era fashion and technology, but add a punk spin.
Maura: The ligature marks on his neck are inconsistent with a suicide.
Jane: Are they consistent with a homicide?
Maura: Uhm. (makes a face, resumes examining)
Jane: Okay, I’ll make it easy for you: Door #1, suicide. Door #2, homicide.
Maura: Door #3, suspicious death.
Jane: Thank you for playing the annoy-the-uncaffeinated-detectives game.
Maura: (laughing) I thought you stopped for coffee.
Jane: Line was too long.
Jane: Whadya doin Ma?
Angela: Oh Ladies! (holding up a bin) Please empty your pockets of any unhealthy snacks. (Maura follows instructions, Jane reaches into bin to grab something Maura just put down, Angela pulls bin away and gasps) Maura, here is your mid-morning snack.
Jane: (whining) A quinoa wrap?! Barf!
Maura: Oh look! A smiley face sticker!
Jane: Why do I have a sad sticker?
Angela: (sternly) Because a bad attitude is bad for your body!
Jane: Well give me the badASS sticker then. Frost had a donut this morning! What’s gonna happen to him?!
(Computer voice plays overhead in lab: “It’s time for your 5 minute meditation”)
Jane: Turn. That. Off. …please.
Maura: Meditating lowers stress. It improves focus. I don’t want to have to report you.
Jane: Report me? You’re gonna report ME?
Maura: (defensive) Well I have to! Lieutenant Cavanaugh insisted.
Jane: Okay. 50 push-ups. (Maura looks offended) Now! I don’t want to be forced to “report you”.
Susie: (walks in with folder) Is this a bad time?
Maura: Not at all. (smiles at Susie, glances at Jane, RizzIsles smirk)
Maura: The particles of both C2 vertebrae were intact. It’s not a hang man’s fracture.
Jane: What does that mean? It’s not a hanging death?
Maura: Well, I’d expect to see an injury from a sudden, forceful, hyperextension. This is an asphyxiation.
Jane: Okay. I haven’t had any coffee… so can we stick to strangled, or hung. (whispers) Try again.
Jane: Good! (smiles)
Maura: Then hung.
Jane: Why me?!
(Recorded alert plays from Jane’s phone… in Maura’s voice: “It’s physical activity time”)
Jane: No, it. is. not. I’m going to kill her! That should fulfill the “physical activity time” for today!
Cavanaugh: (walks up behind Jane) Glad to hear you leading everyone Captain Rizzoli.
Jane: (surprised) Yes. Yes, sir. (stands up) Everybody up. Stand up. On your feet. Cause, we are, jogging. We are jogging in place. (smiles at Cavanaugh as he leaves) Doesn’t that feel good?!
Frankie: Detective Rizzoli. …JANEY!
Jane: What?! (stops jogging)
Frankie: I brought in your suspect. When you’re finished with your calisthenics, thought you’d wanna talk to her?
Jane: (whispers) Thank you. (to the group) Oh! Stop!
Frost: Would you look through my interrogation of Quinton too?
Maura: What am I looking for?
Frost: Something I’m not seeing.
Frankie: Jane, something’s goin on with Ma.
Jane: Maybe she ate too many chia seeds.
Frankie: Jane, she’s growing herbs.
Jane: (feigning seriousness) Uh oh. Did you spot cannabis between the basil and the rosemary?
Frankie: She hasn’t gardened since Pop left.
Jane: (sarcastically) Oh no. I hope she’s not enjoying her life again.
Frankie: (seriously) Okay, she’s suddenly interested in lip balm, and she asked me if the pants she was wearing made her look fat.
Jane: That is bad. No, that’s a bad sign.
Frankie: Told you. (walks away)
Maura: (trying to comfort Frost) It wasn’t your case; still isn’t…
Frost: What do I do, Dr. Isles?
Maura: (pensive pause) Pursue the truth. Ann has more to say.
(RizzIsles on floor in Maura’s living sitting crisscross applesauce)
Maura: (in meditating position, eyes closed; glances at Jane who is just looking at her) Close your eyes. (resumes meditating)
Jane: (staring into space, bored) How much longer?
Maura: (stops meditating, sighs in frustration) You’re insufferable. (mock kid tone) Are we there yet?! Just quiet the chatter in the monkey mind. Inhale deeply through your nose (inhales), exhale (exhales).
Jane: (loud noise in background) Did you hear that?
Maura: (trying to maintain meditating) Try not to attach to the ambient noise.
Jane: No it sounded like it was coming from right outside the guest house.
Angela: (from outside) Maura! Maura! (comes storming into Maura’s living room wearing a silky nighty, one strap off her shoulder)
Jane: Ma, what the hell’s goin on?
Angela: (distressed) He fell! (RizzIsles jump up to run outside; Angela holds hand up to Jane) Uh, no! (closes door)
(Cavanaugh laying on ground with Maura and Angela over him)
Angela: Sean? Sean?
Jane: Oh my God!! (visibly skeeved out) Is that Cavanaugh?!
Maura: Jane, call 9-1-1.
Cavanaugh: (groggy) No, no. I said no.
Jane: (stops, turns around) No?
Cavanaugh: I said no. That’s an order Rizzoli.
Maura: Angela, get me a towel.
Angela: Okay. (gets up)
Jane: And his pants, too.
(Cavanaugh on couch, Angela holding ice on his head, Maura on other side examining him)
Cavanaugh: What the hell happened to me?
Maura: It appears you experienced a vasovagal episode.
Cavanaugh: I went outside to get some air.
Jane: (quietly, dryly) You live in Dorchester.
Cavanaugh: I got lightheaded is all.
Jane: (quietly, dryly) Is that how your pants fell off?
Angela: (whisper yelling) Jane! Don’t embarrass him!
Jane: (whisper yelling) I’ve never been so embarrassed in my life.
Maura: Well your dizziness may have been caused by sexual arousal and the sudden rush of blood to your genitals.
Jane: Oh my god! (dry heaving)
Angela: Okay. We weren’t making love, we were just making out.
Jane: I’m gonna have a vasovagal episode if you don’t stop. Please, I beg you.
Maura: You should go to the hospital.
Angela: Maybe you could just, stitch his head up.
Maura: Well, we need to know what caused this. When was the last time you ate, Lieutenant?
Angela: Well he got his meals at the café, same as you two.
Cavanaugh: I may have skipped lunch… and dinner.
Angela: You said my healthy food was sensational and delicious.
Jane: He meant your healthy food was silent and deadly.
Maura: (sighing) A butterfly bandage might close this up.
(Angela getting off couch, glares at Jane, walks into kitchen)
Jane: (following Angela into the kitchen) How long have you and my BOSS been seeing each other?!
Angela: (pointing between them) WE are not going there.
Jane: YOU are in a slip, and my boss is on my best friend’s couch, IN HIS UNDERWEAR. What do you have to say for yourself?!
(Angela walks back over to the couch)
Maura: I still think you need to be seen in the ER.
Cavanaugh: (insistent) No. No one else can know about this incident. (starts to get up) I’m just gonna get in my car and go home.
Angela: (standing up to follow him) Alright, at least let me drive you home.
(Angela and Cavanaugh leave, Jane helplessly stares at Maura who is trying REALLY hard to not laugh)
Jane: Please tell me I’m asleep and that was a dream.
(Jane leading Frost and Korsak in physical activity time, Cavanaugh walks in)
Cavanaugh: Nice, jogging Rizzoli.
Jane: (awkwardly, avoiding eye contact) Thank you, sir.
Cavanaugh: Soo, where we at on the Slater case?
Jane: (awkwardly removing pictures from board, sits down) Well, uh, both our suspects have alibis, so nowhere really.
Korsak: Slater used pseudonyms for all the drug addicts and chat room suicide folks he wrote about.
Cavanaugh: Okay, so, run ‘em down people.
Korsak: What’s goin on with him?
Jane: Too many whole grains?
Korsak: I’m thinking that old dog got some last night.
Frankie: When we getting coffee back?
Angela: You’ll thank me when you’re old.
Frankie: I’m not interested in getting old if all I get to drink is green tea.
Cavanaugh: (walking up to café counter) Hello.
Angela: (warmly) Hi Sean.
Cavanaugh: Thanks, Mrs. Rizzoli.
Angela: I, um, gave you potatoes instead of quinoa. I know you said you missed your potatoes.
Cavanaugh: I don’t deserve the special treatment.
Angela: Yea you do.
Cavanaugh: Look, Angela, you’re a wonderful lady. (Frankie overhears)
Cavanaugh: But, I’ve got a job to do here. I never should’ve started this. I’m sorry.
Angela: (hurt) Oh. (he walks away)
Frankie: Ma? Please tell me that you and Cavanaugh— (look from Angela, he whispers) You’re my mother! What are you doing?!
Angela: (grabs his face) Before I was your mother, I was a person. And what’s so wrong with wanting to be a person again? (walks away)
Frankie: Want me to punch his lights out?!
Maura: You know which occupation has the highest suicide rate?
Jane: Homicide Detectives while they wait for autopsy results?
Maura: No. Physicians. Our suicide rate is nearly double the national average. It’s even higher than dentist’s.
Jane: (sarcastically) Maura, is this some kind of cry for help?
Maura: Yes. If you meditate with me, you will greatly improve the quality of my life.
Jane: Were you one of those girls who needed another girl to go to the bathroom with them in 7th grade?!
Maura: (seriously) Of course not!
Jane: Well, then, I’m sure that you can quite the, monkey, mind, chatter all by yourself. I know you can!
Jane: Frost, you’re no good to us until you can focus. Go. Jog there if it’ll make you feel better.
Jane: (notices Korsak’s phone goes off) Who’s texting you?
Korsak: (sees text from Angela asking him not to tell anyone she needs to talk to him) Uh, new C.I. I’m working with.
(Angela asks Vince for dating advice and tells him about Cavanaugh)
Korsak: Let me guess, he broke it off.
Angela: How’d you know?
Korsak: You said it. I’ve known him a long time.
Angela: Tell me Vince or I’ll have you eating this health crap forever.
Korsak: Back when we were rookies, Sean lost his wife and baby son in a fire. I don’t think he’s even had a serious girlfriend since.
Angela: Oh. Well that explains some things… I wish he had told me.
Korsak: I’ve never heard him talk about it.
Jane: If that grappling hook is for the wellness program, you can count me out. I’m not a fan of heights.
Maura: Slater was a terrible typist with bad grammar. He uses who instead of whom, which instead of that.
Jane: Oh, no wonder somebody killed him.
Jane: Well do you have that last page?
Maura: We certainly do thanks to Sergeant Korsak.
Korsak: Oh no thanks to you, Dr. Isles.
Maura: (modestly) Oh, please Sergeant, I couldn’t have done it without your help.
Jane: (disbelief) Okay, we’ll throw you both a parade later.
Frost: I always thought the greatest feeling in the world was putting away bad guys.
Jane: It’s not?
Frost: No. The greatest feeling in the world is freeing an innocent man.
(Bartender brings 3 beers and glass of wine to group)
Maura: I don’t think anybody ordered a red wine.
Jane: Hm. Actually, I did. (Maura stares in disbelief)
Jane: (shyly, off everyone’s looks) Well, it’s like Maura’s always saying, the resveratrol in red wine is excellent for cardiac health.
Maura: (flattered) You actually listen to me?
Jane: (sincerely, smiling) Most of the time, yea.
Maura: Well. This deserves a toast. (raises her glass) Salud.
GIFs not mine >> I save awesome stuff after I reblog